tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-89691670641958027312024-03-13T18:24:11.577-07:00Just BecauseBethannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04563207548739861368noreply@blogger.comBlogger216125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8969167064195802731.post-16326046896549216562013-10-26T17:13:00.003-07:002013-10-26T17:13:40.946-07:00So its been a while..... So I know its been a while since I have posted anything one here. I guess i just haven't felt like my words are worth reading, or my thoughts just haven't had enough impact on me to write them down... who knows.<br />
<br />
Who knows if even anyone will read this, or if anyone will just kind of "check it out" but not really take a personal interest in what I have to say.<br />
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Anyway, as I sit around this evening, just working on some school stuff, and chillin', I'm listening to Superchick. Man has it been a while since I have listened to them! I forgot how much I love this band. I forgot how much impact they have had and still have on my life and how I feel.<br />
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When I feel the dumpiest (not sure if thats a real word) or when I am feeling awesome, there is just something about their music that hits me, comforts me in a way. Yeah, there is a lot of music out there that has a certain amount of feeling or "comfort" to me, but this is different, and I'm not sure why that is.<br />
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It's been an off couple of days for me... Sure I could go on about that, but I don't want to. I don't want to think about whats putting me down. I just want it to pass, and I know it will. That is just how it id for me. I have random moments, or stretches of not being myself, but the nice thing about it now is I know it passes, I know that it isn't a life altering thing that puts me in a rut for a long period of time. I just know that I have to keep going and push through, and I am right back to being me. The me that I like, and the me that everyone else likes... ideally, I think, and hope... ;]<br />
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So I know this was a ramble mess, that really had no point, but I finally wrote something again :)<br />
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I guess thats part of the magic of listening to Superchick for me.<br />
<br />Bethannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04563207548739861368noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8969167064195802731.post-51275937075677483602012-05-25T05:23:00.000-07:002012-05-25T05:23:46.654-07:00Happy Memorial Day Weekend<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">Well folks it has been a while. Things got crazy, school stuff happened, I didn't really have anything to really feel was writing worthy.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">But this has been on my mind....</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">It's just about Memorial Day. A day to celebrate and honor those who have served us.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">Yeah yeah, you have all heard this rant before....</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">But for the first time I really have been annoyed about the "it's Memorial Day, come and buy stuff that's on sale at our store!"</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">Are you kidding me, how is that honoring anyone? We shouldn't be using this weekend/day to make sales, or get new things. We need to take time out of it, say some 'Thank You's' and honor those who we need to honor.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">Yeah I have my own opinions and views on politics and everything, but I still know that there are people out there or have been out their putting their life on the line to protect us here.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">That's a big deal.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">Both of my grandpa's have served. I thank them. Those are two men I love so much, and mean so much to me.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">I have a good friend who serves in the Marines, he is amazing, and I love him, for who he, as well as for what he is choosing to do.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">I thank any other friends/family, and people I don't know for doing what they do. No matter the reason they do it. They still do it. It's a big deal! Be thankful, cause your not the one having to do it!!!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">This is a weekend like no other. Let celebrate and honor it.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;"><br /></span><br />Bethannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04563207548739861368noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8969167064195802731.post-60277643205670816652012-02-06T08:41:00.000-08:002012-02-06T08:41:38.212-08:00To Piggy Back off the Last Post<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">Alright so I wrote to y'all the other day about some questions of faith, Christianity, and what have you not....</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">Well today I am here to say that I am on a quest.</span><br />
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</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;"> Last year I studied Romans. I'm doing it again!!! I found that last year it helped shape an understanding. Not fully, but a good starting ground. Just in the first chapter, it presents 'Living by Faith" (which last year when I studied Romans, my whole main question of focus throughout was "how am I suppose to live by faith.") This time I am adding to that question, along with how am I suppose to live by faith, but what does faith look/feel like? </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">So this quest, is to redefine where I stand with God, how do I live my life, with my thought, feeling, opinions, and all around who I am, to define/redefine my faith, and belief, my life with Christ. </span><br />
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</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">Throughout the last year and a half, there have been plenty of ups and downs, good times, and bad time, good choices, and bad choices, new life experiences, etc. Which all has really impacted my life. I'm not who I was when I was in high school, or even who I was a year ago. I am really actually kind of liking who i am, and who I am becoming! SHOCKER I know right. lol.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">Well in starting to like who I am, and on a continued journey of learning who I am, my faith, is a good chunk of that. Whether good or bad, its part of who I am. So that is why I am working on the redefining it, and figuring it out.</span><br />
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</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">Sure, next year and the year after and so on it will always have to be examined again. Defined and redefined, but right now, I'm taking what I know, what I have questions on, and taking them to where I can start figuring it out. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">I'm gonna need prayer, I'm gonna need those check in's from people, I can't do this on my own, I need my friends and family to "cheer" me on, and help keep me going. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">So there you have it for today (feel honored 2 blogs 1 week lol) </span>Bethannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04563207548739861368noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8969167064195802731.post-18977568336346993482012-02-04T13:18:00.000-08:002012-02-04T13:18:55.168-08:00It's been a while, but here you go...<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">There isn't a lot about me that I can explain in words to make sense. I can't really tell you why I feel the way I do sometimes. </span><br />
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</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">There are things in my life, like my faith, and being a christian that I can say why I am that. I grew up in a christian home, I've been going to church since I was a baby. So that what i grew up knowing. There are a lot of times I wonder who I would be if it wasn't like that. What if I never went to church, never knew about Jesus, didn't have in my life? </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">I also wonder if that plays in impact on why I am on a constant roller coast of faith. There are days where I believe without a doubt there is a God up in Heaven who is helping me along in this crazy life. But there are also days where I just wonder is he real. How in the world can so many people believe and put there life in something that you just have to believe is there. Other than the physical things like the earth, and all of creation, and our Bible, what do we have to base what we believe is correct? How does/ where does what we learn about God and then science line up. Where to we make that fine line of truth. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">Out of all the religions out there in the world, how can we be certain that Christianity is true way. Is Christianity just another one of those life things that is trial and error. We just have to do it or not do it, and at the end of life we figure out if it was right or not? </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">Where is the line of someone being able to hear/feel God so loud and clear, but someone else who has just as much faith, can't hear/feel what God has for them. How much searching and asking, and praying and trusting does it take? Is it for different for everyone? </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">Now this being said. Don't take it as a "I'm giving up on God" kind of thing, cause I'm not!!! I just feel as a christian I have the right to ask these things. </span><br />
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</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">Also ask questions like if someone is a born again forgiven christian, but they constantly struggle with depression, or whatever and they end up taking there life, where do they then stand with God, do they end up going to heaven, or because they ended their life, even when having Christ in their life, then is that sin just enough to cause God to say no you can't be a enter eternal with Him??? </span><br />
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</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">These are just questions that have been sorting through and trying to figure out in my head. Take them as you want, think what you want about me for it. I'm pretty sure that me asking things like this doesn't make me any less of a christian or "good" person. I think its questions like this that help people to grow stronger in faith. </span>Bethannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04563207548739861368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8969167064195802731.post-71549960193205927592011-11-08T09:01:00.000-08:002011-11-08T09:07:33.537-08:0011/8/11<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">Well its November.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">Holy crap where has the time gone. I've done almost a whole semester of school here already??? WHAT???</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">Well I wish I had something interesting of some sort to post about. But I don't.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">Its been a while since I've blogged, or wrote for the heck of it. I mean I've been writing, but papers are not exciting.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">School is going pretty well. I'm finally in a spot where I don't cry everyday. Or I want to give up. No, I'm actually doing well in classes. I have people I call friends. Sure I have things that stress me out, like tests or assignments I don't want to do. But its how it is. I have a class I strongly dislike, which is Astronomy, but I cant change the fact that I'm in it. Honestly, not sure what we are suppose to be learning. The teacher is difficult to talk to, he lectures on things that aren't on the quizzes and test, etc. But that's not what I'm here to write about. Cause that's only one class, and by the end I should pass it, because even if it doesn't look like its going well, he grades on a curve, and I should pull it off. I'm doing fantastic in English. I've had a few "piss off" moments with that class, but no one likes their work to be edited, or critiqued. My research paper, well I have only been "scared" of doing it wrong, which made me "scared" to do it at all. But I used my resources available, and pulled something off to turn in my rough draft on time. and you know what my teacher said it was a excellent rough draft. HAHA I was shocked to hear that. But it was a confidence boost. The other classes, I'm doing decent in, staying on top of my work, and yeah.</span><br />
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</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">I officially changed my major a few weeks ago, and I couldn't be happier about that decision. I'm super excited to look ahead and be a psych major. I worked on building a schedule for next semester, met with my advisor to check in and see if with that and make sure I'm headed in the right direction, and she said yeah. So hopefully I get the schedule I put together and classes I picked. I will be really happy if I get the schedule and classes I want. If I do, I know that I will have to work hard, but thats not a bad thing. I will take care of a couple different "goal areas" for my gen eds, if I get the classes. So hope and pray that it works out. If not, I keep going, and find something that fits and works, and yeah.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">With all that, I'm also excited to get to come home, and spend time with my family and my friends over thanksgiving, and over winter break.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">I guess for now thats what I have to post. Hopefully I wont have a big stretch again before another post. But I thought I would use some of my free time today to write, give an update, and yeah.</span>Bethannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04563207548739861368noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8969167064195802731.post-58250343883550894942011-10-08T20:00:00.000-07:002011-10-08T20:01:06.931-07:00<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">Alright so I have been thinking, and I am feeling that I am suppose to change majors. Right now it is elementary education. However, as I look ahead at school, and my life, I cant foresee myself being a teacher. If I put my mind to it, I can do it. But as much as I love kids I don't think I would want to teach them.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">As I am figuring things out, I am realizing how much I have a heart for people, and a whole lot of empathy for people. I want to help people. So I want to change to Psychology. With the intent to probably do something with a focus on kids.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">I have also been really getting into digging into the To Write Love On Her Arms website, and their story, and so on.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">This is it, this is where my heart is at. Outside of the whole wife and mom thing that I want, this is what I want to do, this is what I believe I am called for. I want to help others, helping them through their storms of life. I want to be someone they can trust, and let love them, without judgment and for who they are.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">We will see where this all goes, and how things move along, but thats kinda what I'm thinking right now.</span>Bethannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04563207548739861368noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8969167064195802731.post-53088078068229285152011-09-10T15:54:00.000-07:002011-09-10T15:54:40.203-07:00Matt Maher - Turn Around<iframe width="425" height="344" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/GCi8P7W_tAw?fs=1" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>Bethannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04563207548739861368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8969167064195802731.post-83813669455268884412011-09-10T15:45:00.000-07:002011-09-10T15:45:15.578-07:00The Band Perry - If I Die Young<iframe width="480" height="295" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/7NJqUN9TClM?fs=1" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>Bethannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04563207548739861368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8969167064195802731.post-79398642954521847762011-09-09T09:50:00.000-07:002011-09-09T09:50:00.845-07:00Jamie Grace - Hold Me featuring tobyMac (Official Music Video)<iframe width="480" height="295" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/ISgr8SgCYbY?fs=1" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>Bethannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04563207548739861368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8969167064195802731.post-90006304766070476182011-09-09T09:49:00.000-07:002011-09-09T09:49:15.266-07:00RODNEY ATKINS ~ IF YOU'RE GOING THROUGH HELL [OFFICIAL VIDEO]<iframe width="425" height="344" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/e-6rJPRVDuM?fs=1" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>Bethannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04563207548739861368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8969167064195802731.post-64057572917560992412011-09-08T18:18:00.000-07:002011-09-08T18:18:58.862-07:00<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">Well Im checkin in again. Im almost to my 4 weekend here. Sigh its crazy.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">I pretty much take life on a day to day, week by week.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">I miss home. I miss my life of everything I know.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">I love being in classes though. I like that I'm "doing something."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">I have roommate issues. And its crazy. She has decided she wants to switch rooms. But she has no real reason for it. Like and I'm not just saying that to "defend myself. She really has no real legit reason. Whatever.....</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">I surrender everyday to God. I read my Bible and pray everyday.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">But have anxiety/panic running through me at some point in the day.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">In those moments I tell myself I'm ok, Gods got me. I pray.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">But I dont like being so far away from home.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">Sure there are people here that I am meeting. I generally everyday have someone to eat with and talk to.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">I go to bible study and cru. I found a church. Im probably gonna start volunteering there too.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">I sit down with new people at meals if I didn't meet up with someone.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">I introduce myself to new people if someone I know has someone come up to them. etc.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">I know people here because they are Dans friends. But at the same time they are Dan's friends, and I don't want to step in the way of his friendships.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">I guess three weeks in I am still having those good and bad days. Yeah they are always gonna happen. I'm still adjusting. But to be honest its hard. I knew it wasn't going to be easy. But I'm really learning to lean into and trust God so much more then I ever have in my life.</span>Bethannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04563207548739861368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8969167064195802731.post-55295682325147124072011-08-28T13:33:00.000-07:002011-08-28T13:33:23.197-07:00<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">Well its just been a little over a week since I have been at school.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">For the most part it hasn't been bad.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">There is a lot. A lot of people, and lot of time to fill, a lot of newness, etc.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">Classes are so far so good. You know boring, and first week kind of stuff.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">I've gone to activities (even if its not my kind of thing, I go for a little bit. Just to get out, and make "my presence.") I've gone to cru, which I'm excited about. I have gone to church both weekends. I've gone for walks, sat outside to be out and about. I've gone to meals with some people, etc.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">But it hasn't been the easiest week. I have been really homesick. I miss my friends and family. I miss the things I know. Its been hard stepping out of my comfort zone. I have had breakdowns. I have had plenty of moments where I have felt alone.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">I know I know. Its common. Its normal, etc. But its hard, and at the same time I know its what I need to do right now.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">I have spend every morning before I get on with my day, spending time with God. I read a Proverb a day. I spend time praying to God to show me His will and plan for me being here. I spend my morning and plenty of my day talking to Him, and seeking out where my next step is. Asking for Him to bring a peace and ease into my being here.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">Everyday is new. I know that it will get easier. I trust God in my being here.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">I do enjoy that I am doing school. Yeah, its school, and its not the most fun thing in life. But I'm doing something productive. I know that homework will soon start to fill up the empty space boring time.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">I also know that soon enough it will be break, and I will be home.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">I just need to keep going. Work hard, and keep trying to meet people/make connections. I trust God in my everyday, and I know there is a reason for all this.</span>Bethannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04563207548739861368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8969167064195802731.post-64056904159457593382011-08-13T18:45:00.000-07:002011-08-13T18:45:28.184-07:00<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">blog blog blog blog blog blog blog blog blog blog blog blog</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">Ok now to what I was really going to say. HAHA gotta love sassy moments</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">Yeah yeah this will be about my getting ready for school. Shocking I know. But hey its pretty much the happening in my life right now. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">Well I have finished up with things like work. I have said some goodbyes. I'm just about finished with packing. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">It's the same thing I keep saying.... bittersweet. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">Super excited, but there are a few moments where I see my stuff all packed away, or I say an official "bye/see ya later" where I think "wow this is real. I'm almost there." Just a few more days. Some of my hardest see you laters to come. </span><br />
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</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">But the silver lining to it is, I am a phone call/text/skype away. I'm not gone for good. I'll be back around. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">I need this for myself. I have to prove to myself that I am more then how I feel sometimes. So even if its hard being away from what I know. I know it will all be good and fun and whatever else it will bring. Sure there will be times when I feel alone. But thats normal. Those are the moments that I will have to do something about me feeling that way. That's when I have to go and take a step toward meeting someone. And in those times I can also call/text/skype back home. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">I'm away but not gone. Goodbye isn't goodbye. It's just see you later. </span><br />
<br />
<br />
Bethannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04563207548739861368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8969167064195802731.post-14845468866319544032011-08-13T18:20:00.000-07:002011-08-13T18:20:16.947-07:00by beth<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #274e13; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">b</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">y beth peace out .</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">-Lil John</span>Bethannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04563207548739861368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8969167064195802731.post-55291595181636768792011-08-06T20:55:00.000-07:002011-08-06T20:56:15.038-07:00<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">I had the chance to go to Noah's Ark with some friends a few weeks ago. Well when I go there, I really like to go down the "Point Of No Return" So pretty much a straight down drop.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">Well I love the ride its awesome. But I was thinking about it. Every time I go, I am always jazzed up about getting to go on it. However I always have to build my nerves up to go and do it. Its a cross between loving the ride and being scared of it. I always end up doing it though. Even though there is always the few moments of "I'm not going to do it" or whatever.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">As I was thinking about this, it kinda relates to my life in general. Esp about me going to school.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">I have been wanting to go, and excited/jazzed to go. And I have been doing the things to get me there. Sure I have had some help along the way. And I know I have had a whole lot of encouragement along the way. And I've needed it at times. But yeah. I have times where I am scared and all nerves are going/on edge. I know that right now its hard and nerve racking. But once I'm there and doing it. I know I will love it.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">Sure there may be some hard moments. But its just like an amusement park ride. Ups and downs, nerves going. But a thrill. This is a thrill of a lifetime. Its the next step, and as I get closer and closer, I keep having the ups and downs or excitement and nerves. But on the same hand, its worth it, and I will love it.</span>Bethannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04563207548739861368noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8969167064195802731.post-61179675380088316132011-07-22T13:14:00.000-07:002011-07-22T13:16:39.365-07:00<strong><span style="color: white;">Just sitting around outside in the heat listening to some music. In a sick way I love it. Its like I keep saying hot is way better then sub zero in mid January. So don't complain about it. Yes its hot, but these are the days we look forward to a good chunk of the year.</span></strong><br />
<strong><br />
<span style="color: white;"> </span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="color: white;">Anyway that's not why I sat down to write...</span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="color: white;">I sat down to "check in" so to speak.</span></strong><br />
<strong><br />
<span style="color: white;"> </span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="color: white;">My summer has been crazy. Great, eventful and fun. And its gone by fast.</span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="color: white;">Monday marked the one month mark till I leave for school. Yup we are now under the official time to get stuff done, packed, spend time with people, finish up with my last couple weeks of work, and just being ready.</span></strong><br />
<strong><br />
<span style="color: white;"> </span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="color: white;">I am super excited, but at the same time I getting nervous. Its a bitter sweet thing. Its the start of the rest of my life. But there are things that are nerve racking. And its a healthy form of nerves, so its all good. I'm not freaking out. Its going to be good. I'm going to miss people, but I'm going to meet new people. I guess my biggest fear is that I'll get there and its not going to be instantly I have a friend there. I have to work toward the relationships that I will have and find. Just like I did while I was building relationships here, and I don't want to sit around and sulk that I miss people here, and they still have each other . Cause even though I will miss them. I can't let anything hold me back from the new stuff and people that will come.</span></strong><br />
<strong><br />
<span style="color: white;"> </span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="color: white;">I have my days where I am sitting there thinking what have I gotten myself into? Those days of doubt of if I can even do this. And even if I can do this, how the heck will I pay for it. Will everything with my financial aid come through, will I figure out how to make it all work, etc. I haven't had may of those days, but they have happened. </span></strong><br />
<strong><br />
<span style="color: white;"> </span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="color: white;">Now that I am coming closer and closer to it all being real. I can say I'm scared, but scared with a mix of total excitement. I say its a healthy form of being scared. Cause it's going to be a whole new change in life. Something I have never done before, the first time for a lot of things. But there is excitement in that very fact of it may be there first time for things. </span></strong><br />
<strong><br />
<span style="color: white;"> </span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="color: white;">So hear is to me saying I have butterflies in my stomach that are turning and creating knots. But I have excitement cause its something I want for myself. I want to have a purpose and focus in my everyday. That purpose and focus is to work hard, study hard, and be the best student I can be. Creating friendships, being a good friend. Working on the next part of my life, which leads toward the rest of my life. </span></strong><br />
<strong><br />
<span style="color: white;"> </span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="color: white;">Its going to be a long and hard road. But its going to be an amazing great path to be on.</span></strong>Bethannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04563207548739861368noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8969167064195802731.post-26053211962584336752011-07-04T08:20:00.000-07:002011-07-04T08:20:59.567-07:00Happy 4th of July<br />
<br />
So this is a short and sweet post for the time being....<br />
Asking the usual question of what are some things you are glad you have the freedom to do?<br />
Go about your day(s) and think about all the things you do/like to do. Are you thankful you have the right to do those things?<br />
<br />
I plan on posting something for my response to this....<br />
Have a great 4th of July 2011Bethannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04563207548739861368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8969167064195802731.post-22284998512415264202011-06-21T19:02:00.000-07:002011-06-21T19:02:31.896-07:00<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cccccc;"><b>So I have tattoos. I have a few more ideas of some I want. But those are not in the distant future. My count is now up to 4... yup :)</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cccccc;"><b><br />
</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cccccc;"><b>I got number 3 and 4 yesterday. I have my cross with the "hidden" fishes that is kind of made out of on my foot. I have my star with psalm 139:14 on my right shoulder. I have a peace sign on the outside of my right ankle. And I have the word forgiven written on my left wrist.</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cccccc;"><b><br />
</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cccccc;"><b>I was sitting on the couch last night kinda checking out the new ones. I like my new one's a whole lot. I like all of my tattoos a lot. But I was also thinking, each one of them represents something to me.</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cccccc;"><b><br />
</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cccccc;"><b>My cross (which yes, was my first one, which I got at 18 and I wanted one but...) is a symbol of my faith. It's a small way without word or actions to back it up, says i have some sort of faith.</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cccccc;"><b><br />
</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cccccc;"><b>My Star with the verse is a representation and a reminder. The star, kinda like lightening for me, is a way I see how big God is. God is so big that he placed the stars in the sky and he placed me here in this life. The verse is a reminder of I am made by God, I'm not junk, and I have a purpose.</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cccccc;"><b><br />
</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cccccc;"><b>My peace sign, well yes it kind of is a random one that I wanted. But as I was thinking, it has meaning. First off I have always liked the peace sign, I have always like the word peace, I have always like the meaning behind the word. I am a person who likes peace between people. I like the feeling of peace overcoming my heart, and mind. But the biggest thing is, right now in my life, I have a lot of peace between God and me. I have peace with things for school. I have peace with knowing that my life is moving and changing and I get to take the next steps. I am excited about it. Its peace that gives me the room to be excited. So it may have been a tattoo that was "random" and/or "a want" but at the same time it has meaning to me.</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cccccc;"><b><br />
</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cccccc;"><b>And now we get to my Forgiven. Ahh yes this is one I have wanted for a long time. I had a very hard time getting up enough "nerve" to actually get it done. I had to be in a place in my life and faith to get it. Well I have been ready for a little bit of time now. And yesterday I made it happen. This tattoo is so important to me. It is a huge deal. Like bring me to tears important (which actually happened last night while I was checking it out.) This tattoo is a part of my story. My life, and God story. I have hit that point of being able to tell that story now. I'm not scared to say yeah I screwed up, I made some poor choices and had a poor/scary attitude. I know I will always struggle with that demon of my life, which also plays into the importance and meaning to my star tattoo. But at the same time I have been for real forgiven by God for the mistakes I made, and will make. I had to finally forgive myself to be able to understand and accept that God really has forgiven me. I had to forgive myself to be able to get it. And I have. I am ready to have my story. Maybe it will mean something to someone someday. Maybe it will change someone's life. It's my story in and through Christ that if it changes one person or a couple. But even if it doesn't... It changed me. And in my life with Christ, I am the one that gets the biggest joy in my change. This tattoo means so much to me. It also looks pretty amazing and I really truly am glad I have it. </b></span>Bethannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04563207548739861368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8969167064195802731.post-16838779091106188792011-06-19T19:14:00.000-07:002011-06-19T19:15:49.833-07:00<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cccccc;">Ok so not how this is going to come out, or what your perspective on it will be, and its not a statement against anyone. As well as I do not expect or even searching for anyone to comment or make a statement to it, cause thats your choice, as well as its your choice to read.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cccccc;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cccccc;">But here we go...</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cccccc;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cccccc;">So I know I have come a long way in my self image lately. I know that I have more confidence in myself. I am working on and getting a handle on my life a little better.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cccccc;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cccccc;">But at the same time I struggle with the question of what in my stand in peoples lives? What do I mean to anyone? Am I someone people want to invest their time into? Am I someone that someone would go out of their way for if I truly needed it? Or am I just another face and name in their life and they call me a "friend?" Could people even give a care about me? Can anyone see any impact in me having me in their life?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cccccc;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cccccc;">I'm not saying that I want to be everyones best friend, or that I have to mean the world to anyone or everyone. But at the same time I (like everyone else) wonder to know what I mean, what kind of impact do I make, how do people really feel/think about me?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cccccc;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cccccc;">I know this post sounds really self conceded and I'm making it all about me. But in a way its me confessing a struggle I have. I can really have a hard time thinking/feeling/knowing that I mean anything to anyone. Its a weak area in my life. And Im not a huge fan of it. But at the same time. I know its a struggle/weak area. And I guess that is a starting place to break that issue.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cccccc;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cccccc;">I guess for right now thats what I have for this post....</span>Bethannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04563207548739861368noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8969167064195802731.post-61969546603941081082011-06-14T15:41:00.000-07:002011-06-14T15:41:30.692-07:00<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cccccc;">So the other day I was thinking, we all have junk in our lives right?</span><br />
<div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cccccc;">Some more then others.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cccccc;">We all have little quarks about ourselves. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cccccc;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cccccc;">On that thought. How much of it are things that we do, or have or say in a way for us to "get caught." </span><br />
</div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cccccc;">You know how much of acting out do we do as a "how much can we get away with?" or a "if I do this and that, will so and so still love me?" or a "how much is to much before people start pushing me out of their life?"</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cccccc;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cccccc;">I know that in some way I do this. I have done things that in honesty has been "a test" to see how much love I deserve. Or how much people really do mean it when they say they love me. Do they really mean it even if I do stupid, horrible things?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cccccc;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cccccc;">In the same aspect I think we all do this. I think we all do it or have done it with the people in our lives. But I think we all do it or have done it with God. I think we have all hit a point in our lives where we say "really God you love me even though I do this or that?" or "God you really love me even though I am this person?"</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cccccc;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cccccc;">I think we all have doubt about ourselves. Doubt that we deserve love, from people, and from God. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cccccc;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cccccc;">I know I struggle with it a lot and often. I have a lot of self esteem issues. And they all lead to the same thing of I often feel I don't deserve to be loved. Because of things like the way I look, or the way I talk or say things, or the way I do things. I have often felt like if people can't love me, why should God. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cccccc;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cccccc;">I know, I know. The self esteem issue thing is Satan. I know its a lie when I hear in my head that I can't be loved by people or God. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cccccc;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cccccc;">But how often have we all gone through it. I don't know a single person who hasn't felt it at one point or another in their lives. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cccccc;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cccccc;">I'm not really sure where this post was suppose to go. So Ill stop there. May add on later.</span></div>Bethannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04563207548739861368noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8969167064195802731.post-44894923467116677262011-06-14T14:48:00.000-07:002011-06-14T14:49:06.946-07:00<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">Ok so as I have spend the weekend in South Dakota for my brothers wedding. Setting up, getting things done, actual wedding, etc.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">As I watched and participated in it all. I got to watch, watch Dan (and Susanna). Watch him in all that he is. And honestly he is amazing.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">He is a man who loves God whole heartedly, He is a man who gives everything to God, He is a man who trusts God with everything, He is a man who leans in close and looks for Gods words. He fears the Lord like we are suppose to. He isn't perfect, no one is. He is quick to admit he is wrong when and if he is. But those moments are far and wide from each other.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">He actually inspired/inspires me. I watched him love his wife to be, and I watched their love unfold in the moment they became one. I have never seen such love until them. I can see that the two of them complete each other, they make each other incredibly happy.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">Their love for each other is all because of the love they have for Christ. They both are God fearing/loving people. They stayed pure and holy in their relationship through the strength they have in God. It may not have been easy. But they stuck through it until they were husband and wife.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">If I could even become half the person they are individually as well as together. It would be super amazing. If I could have half the dedication to prayer they have. If I had/have half of the love of God they have. I couldn't even imagine who I would be.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">I'm far from perfect. I screw up a lot. I really wish and want to take what I saw, and put it into practice in my own life. If I could find a guy who loves and fears the Lord like Dan does. If I could have a relationship somewhat like Dan and Susanna's. I would be one incredibly lucky chick.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">I don't know what God has in store for me. But I honestly look forward to see what happens.</span>Bethannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04563207548739861368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8969167064195802731.post-55564999841242021132011-06-05T14:47:00.000-07:002011-06-05T14:47:37.882-07:00<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">Ahh yes it is that time of year. Sunshine, Warm/Hot temps, Picnics, Baseball, Friends, Bonfires, etc. Yup it's summer time. I love it. This I think shall be a great summer. A jam packed one, of working, travels/trips, and trying to pack in as much social time in as I can before I head up and move to Minnesota. So it will be fast and short and sweet. But I am looking forward to it. I will be heading to South Dakota this week for my Big Bro's wedding :) heading to Minnesota at the end of the month for orientation, possibly Chicago for a weekend in July, planning on Lifest with some friends and my Baby Bro, and then mid August moving up to Minnesota. Yeah. Crazy. But at the same time my this is my life, constantly something going on, constantly doing something, constantly </span></b><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">running/driving around. In a way I love it. In a way I hate it. I wouldn't change it though.</span></b><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;"><br />
</span><br />
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">This is the summer before I move on to the the next chapter of my life. The last little bit and stretch of being a constant part of every one's everyday WI life. Come August my life becomes a clean slate. I get to claim/mash together the person I am, and who I want to be. It is scary and exciting all in one. In my previous post, I mentioned how I took this year off to discover myself, and stand on what I know and believe when I do go off to school. I am ready to embrace it and be that person. Be that person where no one knows my past and my junk. A place where people only see who I am now and will be. I get to be in charge of what in my past gets to be revealed, and to who it gets revealed. I'm not saying that my past is horrible, or that I am ashamed of it. Cause all of it has lead up to create the person I am and will be. I will be around people who will either like me or not like me. Not constantly go back and forth between the the two. I won't be around people who have a sloppy perspective and history of a relationship with me. I really try to work on my relationships. I'm not perfect at it. But I try. I also am working hard on my communication. Which will pay off for meeting new people, and building awesome relationships. </span></b><br />
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;"><br />
</span> </b><br />
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">My summer will be bitter sweet crazy. But I will love and embrace it. My next chapter in my life is right in front of me. I need and want to make this chapter end well, and start off the next one great. </span></b><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;"> </span></b>Bethannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04563207548739861368noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8969167064195802731.post-16451488115192086292011-05-31T15:13:00.001-07:002011-05-31T15:26:08.764-07:00Ok so my life has not turned out the way I always thought it would.<br />
<br />
Not saying my life is bad. Nope that's not it. Its one of those things, you know, as your growing up you have things you want to do, want to be. More of a bitter sweet thing. I wouldn't change much though.<br />
<br />
I've always suffered with my skin. And it has always taken a toll on things I do or don't do.<br />
It has always played a part in how I see myself, and how I think people see me.<br />
<br />
Well it hit hard in middle school. You know, new people, new place, make or brake on friends. Well I lost a lot of friends. I made a few. I was in so much pain those couple of years, physically and emotionally. It made such a huge impact on me.<br />
<br />
There were things I always thought I would do while I was in high school but never did. Things like play softball on like the school team. Be in marching band. Take German 4 years instead of 2, even possibly do exchange program. And probably a couple other things I can't think of. As for marching band, I was never good enough to make it. German, well I ended up doing the online school. So I did take one year of it that way but it was hard, and well I didn't want to keep going with it.<br />
<br />
Toward the end of senior year I was having a hard time. Like getting work done, learning the information, etc. I did a whole semester worth of physics into the last two weeks of school. With help of tutoring from a few people. I was even unsure if I was going to graduate in time. Low and behold I pulled it off. It was one of the happiest things ever.<br />
<br />
However with the whole question of graduation. As well as not having a real idea of what steps it took to get to college. I was not going to school right after high school. I didn't really have help in knowing what to do or how to get there. But as that summer went on I was kinda bummed I wasn't going. Cause I always wanted/planned to go to school "the normal way." Well honestly probably a few weeks to a month before the school year, I got signed up for classes at UW Waukesha. Ha yeah not the plan. but at the same time, I was going to be in school a little bit at least. Not to hard of classes, only a couple of credits that really count. But still I was in school.<br />
Well that year was closing. I wasn't sure what to do next. Actually planned on getting away and going to school still. But it didn't happen. I even made the hard indecisive decision that I was going to take the year off. Discover myself, save a bit of money, start finding my foot hole in life, and find where God and I stand, be at my best with Him before I really do go off to school.<br />
<br />
Now to the main point of this post....<br />
<br />
Although things seem to have never really played out like I thought they would in my life. Which I know, Life never goes the way we plan or expect. But even though I have gone through trials, and hard times, and stupid moments, and pain, and such. I would not change things. Sure I would have liked to do more, and "be" more. But in my own way I have a lot of good things that have come about.<br />
<br />
I can honestly say that in this year that I have taken off to discover myself and so on. I have found it to be what has happened. Yeah I have gone through more then expected, and big things have happened, and I fell on my face a lot. But honestly I feel like I have grown. Grown into an adult, grown into a better relationship with Christ. Grown into some confidence. I'm learning to look at myself differently, I'm starting to work at being a bit healthier. I'm starting to learn how to make decisions(cause I have had to make a few big/hard once lately,) handle things like money, my words, etc. I'm starting to feel that my words and communication are getting a bit better. I feel that when I have something to say, that its not stupid. Sure it may not be brilliant, or whatever. But I am someone, and to some people I am important. Important enough that they want to hear what I have to say.<br />
I know I screwed a lot of things up. Like when I pretty much secluded myself from the world for a while. And I know I hurt a few people along the way. And I am trying to figure it out. Make it right. Asking for forgiveness. And at the same time I feel like I hurt to many people to much that I feel they don't want me around. Yeah I know that's a lie in my head. And that's another thing I'm working on.... sorting the lies from truth. And I have come to be able to recognize them. Just need to keep listening and believing the truth. Because I have so many lies in my head and heart. It gets hard sometimes. But I want and need me to be the best me there is before I head off to school in just about 2 months.<br />
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I am finally doing it. Getting to school. Filling a "dream" and a want in my life. And I think I'm ready. I think I went through all I have gone through to be prepared for now and later. I'm excited, happy, etc. Sure there is a bit of fear. Fear of how to pay for school and things, and fear of moving 6 hours away. But at the same time. I am at peace with it all. I know Gods got my back. He is carrying me through, Through my life, through the past present and future. My life is for His glory. I am really working on seeking that, trusting Him, listening to Him. Letting the peace I have in Him and His word, be my stronghold, my solid ground. Because without Him, I would not be where I am today, and be the person I am / am becoming.Bethannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04563207548739861368noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8969167064195802731.post-34581687922817446482011-05-27T10:14:00.000-07:002011-05-27T10:14:13.288-07:00Relationships<br />
When you got them they are fragile<br />
Precious<br />
Special<br />
Each one unique<br />
A different strength in each one<br />
A different drive<br />
A different tone<br />
But to me <br />
Each one I have<br />
Is important<br />
Each moment spent<br />
Each memory made<br />
Wouldn't change a thing<br />
Other then the times of selfishness<br />
Pulled back from the world<br />
It did some damage<br />
But trying to build it all back up<br />
Hoping for forgiveness <br />
Every friendship<br />
Every relationship<br />
Means something<br />
Something importantBethannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04563207548739861368noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8969167064195802731.post-89303985744699577472011-05-27T09:03:00.000-07:002011-05-27T09:03:14.456-07:00Headphones in<br />
Blanket wrapped around<br />
In the stillness<br />
And silent<br />
Of a cool crisp spring night<br />
In a breath<br />
The world stops<br />
Stops you in your tracks<br />
Thoughts in your head<br />
Amazing<br />
Crazy and silly<br />
<br />
The possibilities you have<br />
The things you can<br />
And want to do<br />
Imagination overtakes your heart<br />
Mind and soul<br />
So much potential to be something<br />
To be Someone<br />
<br />
A smile snuck up <br />
Spreads across your face<br />
That reflects a peace, happiness and contentment<br />
<br />
The moments that you feel your best<br />
When you feel you really can take on the rest of you life<br />
Moments that are simple and amazing.Bethannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04563207548739861368noreply@blogger.com2