First Off For Today...

So this is kind of funny.
I started my time off in a word of prayer to ask God to keep me focused and help me get some reading and writing done. Well ha funny God.... I went to facebook, tried to send a message, but then it tells me my account is temporarily unavailable... hmm I think that is one way God is helping me with the focus thing.... hahaha gotta love that.

All Right

So yesterday I had a brilliant blog idea going in my head. However it was while I was working, and was unable to write it down or anything. So sad to say its gone out of my head, although I know it was something about the 5 love languages... Maybe it will come back. Who knows. It happens often that i get blog idea going on my head at work... but then the escape my brain by the time I'm done working or by the time I get to write.

Anyway....

I have no real blog topic. Well I always have topics, just sometimes they are not appropriate to put on, or there isn't enough to support the idea, or its dumb/pointless ranter.

But I thought that maybe if I started writing and typing that something would come about. So far not the case.

Well here is to more pointless typing/writing.... bear with any random thoughts.

~I am in my final days of being a teenager. Holy crap, that's crazy. 20 years old. That means I no longer a big kid. I'm a real adult. Scary.
What does 20 mean? Where will this new season/time/decade take me. What is the new age going to bring about.

~I am getting closer and closer to heading off to school. But I have so much to do before I get there. And I have no idea where I need to start with getting it all done, and being ready to go.
Will I be ready, physically & emotionally?

~Then there are the things in my life that I love doing, but it has become just a task to do. Things that drain/exhaust me. Things that I would like to be done doing now or in the near future before I leave. But because of who I am... I place others in front of me (sometimes in a selfish way of not wanting them to be mad at me or not like me, but generally, because if I am able to do something for someone, I love doing it.)

~I (ok I should say... Shelley and I) finished our Romans study. YAY. It was awesome. I have really been enjoying studying with her. Getting in the Word, has been awesome. I love it.
We are now working on a new study.... one that is going to be one that may shake me... its called 'Lord Teach Me to Pray.' But I am excited to do it.

~I spend most of my days playing mommy. I have been called a rent a mommy. HAHAHA
I spend my days taking/picking up kids to/from school. I clean. I play with kids, help with homework, make sure they eat, support them, love on them, and care for them, etc.

~I am a girl who is looking to find who I am. I want to be the girl that God has created me to be.
I am the kind of girl who likes to hang out.
I am a jeans and a tshirt/sweatshirt kind of girl. But can girl it up some days and love it.
I like tattoos and piercings (well not all piercings, mostly the ones I have.)
I enjoy watching ridiculously funny comedy like Chelsea Handler or Tosh.0
I love hearing 'I love you.'
I long for God to show me His will/way for my life.
I long to be someone that parents trust. Who kids can look to me and trust me.
I want to be inspired. and sometimes be an inspiration.
I want to be the best big/little sister I can be to my brothers. The best daughter to my parents. The best friend that I can be.
I want to be someone that counts. Not because of me, but because of Christ in me.
   Theses things about me don't take away from the fact that I am a sinful person. I am human after all. If anything as good as theses things in my life are and how they make me who I am, sin can make its way into those same areas. I just need to keep on keeping on in HIM and grow in HIM to help allow the sin to not creep in.

~~Alright if your still reading sweet. Cause I'm pretty sure that was a whole lot of random, and nonsense. But way to push through and read.
Hopefully my next post will be soon(ish/er,) have a main point, and make more sense.

New Life Rises from the Ashes.

Hurt
Shame
Pride
Fear
Doubt
Broken
Trying to Survive
=
The Ashes

Relationships
Love
Trust
Communication
Hugs
Happiness
Joy
Peace
Contentment
Comfort
=
New Life

-----------------------

So much of life goes by, and we just live in it.
We don't actually live it.
Then bad comes along, like a wildfire. We live in the bad. We don't look for the joy. We say we do, but we don't.
We question why things are bad. We generally only see the bad.
You can't enjoy the good with out the bad (yes that is a stolen line from someone.)
It's a bittersweet life.

Faith is just that... finding the joy in the dark.
Trusting HIM in he dark.
Living through trial after trial.
Trials never end
Especially in a faith walk with HIM
The trials come stronger and harder.
We push through, find the joy, and new life.
Life comes in different waves.
Bittersweet
Trials are bitter
Christ is sweet
We learn, grow, trust, teach, live selflessly, live for HIM and strive to be like HIM.
Christ lived a human life. His trials were just as hard.
But He always turned to Heaven, prayed and trusted God, asking for HIS will to be done. Asking for HIS strength through the trials.
We must surrender and live like Christ.
We must live and walk by faith.
We work at our relationship with HIM
and with the people HE has placed in our lives.

People bite us in the butt. It's sinful nature.
We work through.
Relationships are something that don't just happen.
We work and work hard at them.
No human relationship is perfect. But they are good. They are needed.

Step back
Look at your life
How are you living?
What are you living for?
Who do you trust?
Who do you love?
Beyond the dark and the trials....
What are the amazingly sweet things?
What makes you get up and live life for?
What/who brings you joy?

Life is bittersweet.
Lets live for the sweet,
Not the bitter.


New Life Rises from the Ashes <><

Want To Help?

Well I have a friend who is working her butt off to get to go to Kenya with the church this summer.
Really her heart is so passionatly wantiung this trip. She wants to love on the kids and people there, she wants to serve God. She wants to obey Him, and she is feeling lead to go.
Well in her working on getting there she has made a ton of "Salvation Braclets" she worked so hard on them, and is continuing to. However, she needs to sell them. 2 for $5...here is the cool part, you get one, and the second goes to a kid in Kenya. The moneys goes to support her and goes into her funds for getting to go on the trip.

We all know how much I am one who loves mission trips. One who thinks they are important, and everyone should get the chance to go on one, and an overseas one.
So if you feel lead to get a braclet, let me know. But if anything, pray for her, pray for her to be able to sell them, pray she gets to go on the trip, pray everything works out for her, to fulfill this for her.

Pierce the skin...
Let it flow
No one cares
It's only you
It's who you are
It's what you do
But why...
Why?


God is there
God is calling
God wants you
God wants your heart
Your soul
Your mind

Surrender
Surrender the hurt
The fear
The doubt
The bitterness
The lies
The sin

Yeah it's hard
Hard as hell
to surrender the things you keep inside.
It may make you
It may break you

But no matter what
No matter how big
No matter how hard
No matter what

Christ died for you
Died to that you can lay your crap down
Lay it down at the foot of the cross
The cross that was intended for you
For me
For everyone
No one exempt

Just surrender
Surrender your life
Don't be you
Be HIM
Be Christ
Live for and in HIM

Let HIM break you wide open
Open your heart to HIM

Hard times come
Hard times go

Friends come
Friends go

But Christ
In the midst of hard times
and loss
and hurt
Christ is solid
Never moving
Never changing
HE is the real deal.

Give it up
Give up your life
GIve up your life to have HIS

Biggest Fear

My biggest fear of going away to school...

I don't want to leave and then just become a mere memory to everyone. I know everyone will grow, I know I will grow. I know I will make new friends, and I know everyones lives here will continue, and they will all have new people in their lives. But I am so scared that I will just become another person who has had their season of life in another persons life. This is me being selfish I guess. But still. I fear going and having to be alone for a bit before I make a friend/friends. I don't want to be the person that goes to school and is forgotten. That is my biggest fear.

That and just the normal "fear" of will I actually succeed and do a good job in school. But that is just my normal fear of failure. I know God has brought this to me, and he will bring me/carry me through it.

I know he is always there for me, no matter what, no matter how I feel. He is my strength and refuge... I just need to stay focused.

Where are you Christmas? Faith Hill

One of my altime favorite Christmas songs ever :)

Joy Williams :: Here With Us + Nativity Story

This song, every time I hear it, I break down, weak in the knees, crying.

Farouk

I know I just started sponsoring little man (Farouk,) and have yet to receive anything, about him or from him.
But I love him. I love him hard. God told me to do this, God is giving me this love for him (not that I wouldn't, cause you know kids are my thing and loving them is what I do.) But I love him hard, every part of me. I see his picture and I smile, my heart jumps for joy.

His smile and eyes capture me in a moment of intense love. He is "mine" (well he is God's but, God let me have him.) By my obedience to a God who calls me His. I get to love hard on Farouk. I get to be something to Farouk  I get to show Christ love to him, by loving him personally. I may never meet him, hold him, see him personally. But I get to love him. That is the most incredible feeling ever.

He is a big part of my life now. He is a representation of my life "change." He is one of the biggest blessings of my life. I want to bless him, but I know it's going to be the other way. He is going to bless me more then I could ever imagine.



I'm going to say it again, I love him and love him hard. God loves him, God loves me, God loves you.
He is real, He is powerful, He is loving and living, and gracious.

My Own Little World - Matthew West + Lyrics

self·less

–adjective

having little or no concern for oneself, esp. with regard to fame, position, money, etc.; unselfish.