So I know its been a while since I have posted anything one here. I guess i just haven't felt like my words are worth reading, or my thoughts just haven't had enough impact on me to write them down... who knows.
Who knows if even anyone will read this, or if anyone will just kind of "check it out" but not really take a personal interest in what I have to say.
Anyway, as I sit around this evening, just working on some school stuff, and chillin', I'm listening to Superchick. Man has it been a while since I have listened to them! I forgot how much I love this band. I forgot how much impact they have had and still have on my life and how I feel.
When I feel the dumpiest (not sure if thats a real word) or when I am feeling awesome, there is just something about their music that hits me, comforts me in a way. Yeah, there is a lot of music out there that has a certain amount of feeling or "comfort" to me, but this is different, and I'm not sure why that is.
It's been an off couple of days for me... Sure I could go on about that, but I don't want to. I don't want to think about whats putting me down. I just want it to pass, and I know it will. That is just how it id for me. I have random moments, or stretches of not being myself, but the nice thing about it now is I know it passes, I know that it isn't a life altering thing that puts me in a rut for a long period of time. I just know that I have to keep going and push through, and I am right back to being me. The me that I like, and the me that everyone else likes... ideally, I think, and hope... ;]
So I know this was a ramble mess, that really had no point, but I finally wrote something again :)
I guess thats part of the magic of listening to Superchick for me.
About Me
- Bethann
- Life has it's highs and lows. Embrace it. Live It. Push through. Find the Joy, the Laughter, the Smiles. The little things are the things that bring the most joy. New Life Rises From The Ashes. ~ <3 ~
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Friday, May 25, 2012
Happy Memorial Day Weekend
Well folks it has been a while. Things got crazy, school stuff happened, I didn't really have anything to really feel was writing worthy.
But this has been on my mind....
It's just about Memorial Day. A day to celebrate and honor those who have served us.
Yeah yeah, you have all heard this rant before....
But for the first time I really have been annoyed about the "it's Memorial Day, come and buy stuff that's on sale at our store!"
Are you kidding me, how is that honoring anyone? We shouldn't be using this weekend/day to make sales, or get new things. We need to take time out of it, say some 'Thank You's' and honor those who we need to honor.
Yeah I have my own opinions and views on politics and everything, but I still know that there are people out there or have been out their putting their life on the line to protect us here.
That's a big deal.
Both of my grandpa's have served. I thank them. Those are two men I love so much, and mean so much to me.
I have a good friend who serves in the Marines, he is amazing, and I love him, for who he, as well as for what he is choosing to do.
I thank any other friends/family, and people I don't know for doing what they do. No matter the reason they do it. They still do it. It's a big deal! Be thankful, cause your not the one having to do it!!!
This is a weekend like no other. Let celebrate and honor it.
But this has been on my mind....
It's just about Memorial Day. A day to celebrate and honor those who have served us.
Yeah yeah, you have all heard this rant before....
But for the first time I really have been annoyed about the "it's Memorial Day, come and buy stuff that's on sale at our store!"
Are you kidding me, how is that honoring anyone? We shouldn't be using this weekend/day to make sales, or get new things. We need to take time out of it, say some 'Thank You's' and honor those who we need to honor.
Yeah I have my own opinions and views on politics and everything, but I still know that there are people out there or have been out their putting their life on the line to protect us here.
That's a big deal.
Both of my grandpa's have served. I thank them. Those are two men I love so much, and mean so much to me.
I have a good friend who serves in the Marines, he is amazing, and I love him, for who he, as well as for what he is choosing to do.
I thank any other friends/family, and people I don't know for doing what they do. No matter the reason they do it. They still do it. It's a big deal! Be thankful, cause your not the one having to do it!!!
This is a weekend like no other. Let celebrate and honor it.
Monday, February 6, 2012
To Piggy Back off the Last Post
Alright so I wrote to y'all the other day about some questions of faith, Christianity, and what have you not....
Well today I am here to say that I am on a quest.
Last year I studied Romans. I'm doing it again!!! I found that last year it helped shape an understanding. Not fully, but a good starting ground. Just in the first chapter, it presents 'Living by Faith" (which last year when I studied Romans, my whole main question of focus throughout was "how am I suppose to live by faith.") This time I am adding to that question, along with how am I suppose to live by faith, but what does faith look/feel like?
So this quest, is to redefine where I stand with God, how do I live my life, with my thought, feeling, opinions, and all around who I am, to define/redefine my faith, and belief, my life with Christ.
Throughout the last year and a half, there have been plenty of ups and downs, good times, and bad time, good choices, and bad choices, new life experiences, etc. Which all has really impacted my life. I'm not who I was when I was in high school, or even who I was a year ago. I am really actually kind of liking who i am, and who I am becoming! SHOCKER I know right. lol.
Well in starting to like who I am, and on a continued journey of learning who I am, my faith, is a good chunk of that. Whether good or bad, its part of who I am. So that is why I am working on the redefining it, and figuring it out.
Sure, next year and the year after and so on it will always have to be examined again. Defined and redefined, but right now, I'm taking what I know, what I have questions on, and taking them to where I can start figuring it out.
I'm gonna need prayer, I'm gonna need those check in's from people, I can't do this on my own, I need my friends and family to "cheer" me on, and help keep me going.
So there you have it for today (feel honored 2 blogs 1 week lol)
Well today I am here to say that I am on a quest.
Last year I studied Romans. I'm doing it again!!! I found that last year it helped shape an understanding. Not fully, but a good starting ground. Just in the first chapter, it presents 'Living by Faith" (which last year when I studied Romans, my whole main question of focus throughout was "how am I suppose to live by faith.") This time I am adding to that question, along with how am I suppose to live by faith, but what does faith look/feel like?
So this quest, is to redefine where I stand with God, how do I live my life, with my thought, feeling, opinions, and all around who I am, to define/redefine my faith, and belief, my life with Christ.
Throughout the last year and a half, there have been plenty of ups and downs, good times, and bad time, good choices, and bad choices, new life experiences, etc. Which all has really impacted my life. I'm not who I was when I was in high school, or even who I was a year ago. I am really actually kind of liking who i am, and who I am becoming! SHOCKER I know right. lol.
Well in starting to like who I am, and on a continued journey of learning who I am, my faith, is a good chunk of that. Whether good or bad, its part of who I am. So that is why I am working on the redefining it, and figuring it out.
Sure, next year and the year after and so on it will always have to be examined again. Defined and redefined, but right now, I'm taking what I know, what I have questions on, and taking them to where I can start figuring it out.
I'm gonna need prayer, I'm gonna need those check in's from people, I can't do this on my own, I need my friends and family to "cheer" me on, and help keep me going.
So there you have it for today (feel honored 2 blogs 1 week lol)
Saturday, February 4, 2012
It's been a while, but here you go...
There isn't a lot about me that I can explain in words to make sense. I can't really tell you why I feel the way I do sometimes.
There are things in my life, like my faith, and being a christian that I can say why I am that. I grew up in a christian home, I've been going to church since I was a baby. So that what i grew up knowing. There are a lot of times I wonder who I would be if it wasn't like that. What if I never went to church, never knew about Jesus, didn't have in my life?
I also wonder if that plays in impact on why I am on a constant roller coast of faith. There are days where I believe without a doubt there is a God up in Heaven who is helping me along in this crazy life. But there are also days where I just wonder is he real. How in the world can so many people believe and put there life in something that you just have to believe is there. Other than the physical things like the earth, and all of creation, and our Bible, what do we have to base what we believe is correct? How does/ where does what we learn about God and then science line up. Where to we make that fine line of truth.
Out of all the religions out there in the world, how can we be certain that Christianity is true way. Is Christianity just another one of those life things that is trial and error. We just have to do it or not do it, and at the end of life we figure out if it was right or not?
Where is the line of someone being able to hear/feel God so loud and clear, but someone else who has just as much faith, can't hear/feel what God has for them. How much searching and asking, and praying and trusting does it take? Is it for different for everyone?
Now this being said. Don't take it as a "I'm giving up on God" kind of thing, cause I'm not!!! I just feel as a christian I have the right to ask these things.
Also ask questions like if someone is a born again forgiven christian, but they constantly struggle with depression, or whatever and they end up taking there life, where do they then stand with God, do they end up going to heaven, or because they ended their life, even when having Christ in their life, then is that sin just enough to cause God to say no you can't be a enter eternal with Him???
These are just questions that have been sorting through and trying to figure out in my head. Take them as you want, think what you want about me for it. I'm pretty sure that me asking things like this doesn't make me any less of a christian or "good" person. I think its questions like this that help people to grow stronger in faith.
There are things in my life, like my faith, and being a christian that I can say why I am that. I grew up in a christian home, I've been going to church since I was a baby. So that what i grew up knowing. There are a lot of times I wonder who I would be if it wasn't like that. What if I never went to church, never knew about Jesus, didn't have in my life?
I also wonder if that plays in impact on why I am on a constant roller coast of faith. There are days where I believe without a doubt there is a God up in Heaven who is helping me along in this crazy life. But there are also days where I just wonder is he real. How in the world can so many people believe and put there life in something that you just have to believe is there. Other than the physical things like the earth, and all of creation, and our Bible, what do we have to base what we believe is correct? How does/ where does what we learn about God and then science line up. Where to we make that fine line of truth.
Out of all the religions out there in the world, how can we be certain that Christianity is true way. Is Christianity just another one of those life things that is trial and error. We just have to do it or not do it, and at the end of life we figure out if it was right or not?
Where is the line of someone being able to hear/feel God so loud and clear, but someone else who has just as much faith, can't hear/feel what God has for them. How much searching and asking, and praying and trusting does it take? Is it for different for everyone?
Now this being said. Don't take it as a "I'm giving up on God" kind of thing, cause I'm not!!! I just feel as a christian I have the right to ask these things.
Also ask questions like if someone is a born again forgiven christian, but they constantly struggle with depression, or whatever and they end up taking there life, where do they then stand with God, do they end up going to heaven, or because they ended their life, even when having Christ in their life, then is that sin just enough to cause God to say no you can't be a enter eternal with Him???
These are just questions that have been sorting through and trying to figure out in my head. Take them as you want, think what you want about me for it. I'm pretty sure that me asking things like this doesn't make me any less of a christian or "good" person. I think its questions like this that help people to grow stronger in faith.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
11/8/11
Well its November.
Holy crap where has the time gone. I've done almost a whole semester of school here already??? WHAT???
Well I wish I had something interesting of some sort to post about. But I don't.
Its been a while since I've blogged, or wrote for the heck of it. I mean I've been writing, but papers are not exciting.
School is going pretty well. I'm finally in a spot where I don't cry everyday. Or I want to give up. No, I'm actually doing well in classes. I have people I call friends. Sure I have things that stress me out, like tests or assignments I don't want to do. But its how it is. I have a class I strongly dislike, which is Astronomy, but I cant change the fact that I'm in it. Honestly, not sure what we are suppose to be learning. The teacher is difficult to talk to, he lectures on things that aren't on the quizzes and test, etc. But that's not what I'm here to write about. Cause that's only one class, and by the end I should pass it, because even if it doesn't look like its going well, he grades on a curve, and I should pull it off. I'm doing fantastic in English. I've had a few "piss off" moments with that class, but no one likes their work to be edited, or critiqued. My research paper, well I have only been "scared" of doing it wrong, which made me "scared" to do it at all. But I used my resources available, and pulled something off to turn in my rough draft on time. and you know what my teacher said it was a excellent rough draft. HAHA I was shocked to hear that. But it was a confidence boost. The other classes, I'm doing decent in, staying on top of my work, and yeah.
I officially changed my major a few weeks ago, and I couldn't be happier about that decision. I'm super excited to look ahead and be a psych major. I worked on building a schedule for next semester, met with my advisor to check in and see if with that and make sure I'm headed in the right direction, and she said yeah. So hopefully I get the schedule I put together and classes I picked. I will be really happy if I get the schedule and classes I want. If I do, I know that I will have to work hard, but thats not a bad thing. I will take care of a couple different "goal areas" for my gen eds, if I get the classes. So hope and pray that it works out. If not, I keep going, and find something that fits and works, and yeah.
With all that, I'm also excited to get to come home, and spend time with my family and my friends over thanksgiving, and over winter break.
I guess for now thats what I have to post. Hopefully I wont have a big stretch again before another post. But I thought I would use some of my free time today to write, give an update, and yeah.
Holy crap where has the time gone. I've done almost a whole semester of school here already??? WHAT???
Well I wish I had something interesting of some sort to post about. But I don't.
Its been a while since I've blogged, or wrote for the heck of it. I mean I've been writing, but papers are not exciting.
School is going pretty well. I'm finally in a spot where I don't cry everyday. Or I want to give up. No, I'm actually doing well in classes. I have people I call friends. Sure I have things that stress me out, like tests or assignments I don't want to do. But its how it is. I have a class I strongly dislike, which is Astronomy, but I cant change the fact that I'm in it. Honestly, not sure what we are suppose to be learning. The teacher is difficult to talk to, he lectures on things that aren't on the quizzes and test, etc. But that's not what I'm here to write about. Cause that's only one class, and by the end I should pass it, because even if it doesn't look like its going well, he grades on a curve, and I should pull it off. I'm doing fantastic in English. I've had a few "piss off" moments with that class, but no one likes their work to be edited, or critiqued. My research paper, well I have only been "scared" of doing it wrong, which made me "scared" to do it at all. But I used my resources available, and pulled something off to turn in my rough draft on time. and you know what my teacher said it was a excellent rough draft. HAHA I was shocked to hear that. But it was a confidence boost. The other classes, I'm doing decent in, staying on top of my work, and yeah.
I officially changed my major a few weeks ago, and I couldn't be happier about that decision. I'm super excited to look ahead and be a psych major. I worked on building a schedule for next semester, met with my advisor to check in and see if with that and make sure I'm headed in the right direction, and she said yeah. So hopefully I get the schedule I put together and classes I picked. I will be really happy if I get the schedule and classes I want. If I do, I know that I will have to work hard, but thats not a bad thing. I will take care of a couple different "goal areas" for my gen eds, if I get the classes. So hope and pray that it works out. If not, I keep going, and find something that fits and works, and yeah.
With all that, I'm also excited to get to come home, and spend time with my family and my friends over thanksgiving, and over winter break.
I guess for now thats what I have to post. Hopefully I wont have a big stretch again before another post. But I thought I would use some of my free time today to write, give an update, and yeah.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Alright so I have been thinking, and I am feeling that I am suppose to change majors. Right now it is elementary education. However, as I look ahead at school, and my life, I cant foresee myself being a teacher. If I put my mind to it, I can do it. But as much as I love kids I don't think I would want to teach them.
As I am figuring things out, I am realizing how much I have a heart for people, and a whole lot of empathy for people. I want to help people. So I want to change to Psychology. With the intent to probably do something with a focus on kids.
I have also been really getting into digging into the To Write Love On Her Arms website, and their story, and so on.
This is it, this is where my heart is at. Outside of the whole wife and mom thing that I want, this is what I want to do, this is what I believe I am called for. I want to help others, helping them through their storms of life. I want to be someone they can trust, and let love them, without judgment and for who they are.
We will see where this all goes, and how things move along, but thats kinda what I'm thinking right now.
As I am figuring things out, I am realizing how much I have a heart for people, and a whole lot of empathy for people. I want to help people. So I want to change to Psychology. With the intent to probably do something with a focus on kids.
I have also been really getting into digging into the To Write Love On Her Arms website, and their story, and so on.
This is it, this is where my heart is at. Outside of the whole wife and mom thing that I want, this is what I want to do, this is what I believe I am called for. I want to help others, helping them through their storms of life. I want to be someone they can trust, and let love them, without judgment and for who they are.
We will see where this all goes, and how things move along, but thats kinda what I'm thinking right now.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Friday, September 9, 2011
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Well Im checkin in again. Im almost to my 4 weekend here. Sigh its crazy.
I pretty much take life on a day to day, week by week.
I miss home. I miss my life of everything I know.
I love being in classes though. I like that I'm "doing something."
I have roommate issues. And its crazy. She has decided she wants to switch rooms. But she has no real reason for it. Like and I'm not just saying that to "defend myself. She really has no real legit reason. Whatever.....
I surrender everyday to God. I read my Bible and pray everyday.
But have anxiety/panic running through me at some point in the day.
In those moments I tell myself I'm ok, Gods got me. I pray.
But I dont like being so far away from home.
Sure there are people here that I am meeting. I generally everyday have someone to eat with and talk to.
I go to bible study and cru. I found a church. Im probably gonna start volunteering there too.
I sit down with new people at meals if I didn't meet up with someone.
I introduce myself to new people if someone I know has someone come up to them. etc.
I know people here because they are Dans friends. But at the same time they are Dan's friends, and I don't want to step in the way of his friendships.
I guess three weeks in I am still having those good and bad days. Yeah they are always gonna happen. I'm still adjusting. But to be honest its hard. I knew it wasn't going to be easy. But I'm really learning to lean into and trust God so much more then I ever have in my life.
I pretty much take life on a day to day, week by week.
I miss home. I miss my life of everything I know.
I love being in classes though. I like that I'm "doing something."
I have roommate issues. And its crazy. She has decided she wants to switch rooms. But she has no real reason for it. Like and I'm not just saying that to "defend myself. She really has no real legit reason. Whatever.....
I surrender everyday to God. I read my Bible and pray everyday.
But have anxiety/panic running through me at some point in the day.
In those moments I tell myself I'm ok, Gods got me. I pray.
But I dont like being so far away from home.
Sure there are people here that I am meeting. I generally everyday have someone to eat with and talk to.
I go to bible study and cru. I found a church. Im probably gonna start volunteering there too.
I sit down with new people at meals if I didn't meet up with someone.
I introduce myself to new people if someone I know has someone come up to them. etc.
I know people here because they are Dans friends. But at the same time they are Dan's friends, and I don't want to step in the way of his friendships.
I guess three weeks in I am still having those good and bad days. Yeah they are always gonna happen. I'm still adjusting. But to be honest its hard. I knew it wasn't going to be easy. But I'm really learning to lean into and trust God so much more then I ever have in my life.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Well its just been a little over a week since I have been at school.
For the most part it hasn't been bad.
There is a lot. A lot of people, and lot of time to fill, a lot of newness, etc.
Classes are so far so good. You know boring, and first week kind of stuff.
I've gone to activities (even if its not my kind of thing, I go for a little bit. Just to get out, and make "my presence.") I've gone to cru, which I'm excited about. I have gone to church both weekends. I've gone for walks, sat outside to be out and about. I've gone to meals with some people, etc.
But it hasn't been the easiest week. I have been really homesick. I miss my friends and family. I miss the things I know. Its been hard stepping out of my comfort zone. I have had breakdowns. I have had plenty of moments where I have felt alone.
I know I know. Its common. Its normal, etc. But its hard, and at the same time I know its what I need to do right now.
I have spend every morning before I get on with my day, spending time with God. I read a Proverb a day. I spend time praying to God to show me His will and plan for me being here. I spend my morning and plenty of my day talking to Him, and seeking out where my next step is. Asking for Him to bring a peace and ease into my being here.
Everyday is new. I know that it will get easier. I trust God in my being here.
I do enjoy that I am doing school. Yeah, its school, and its not the most fun thing in life. But I'm doing something productive. I know that homework will soon start to fill up the empty space boring time.
I also know that soon enough it will be break, and I will be home.
I just need to keep going. Work hard, and keep trying to meet people/make connections. I trust God in my everyday, and I know there is a reason for all this.
For the most part it hasn't been bad.
There is a lot. A lot of people, and lot of time to fill, a lot of newness, etc.
Classes are so far so good. You know boring, and first week kind of stuff.
I've gone to activities (even if its not my kind of thing, I go for a little bit. Just to get out, and make "my presence.") I've gone to cru, which I'm excited about. I have gone to church both weekends. I've gone for walks, sat outside to be out and about. I've gone to meals with some people, etc.
But it hasn't been the easiest week. I have been really homesick. I miss my friends and family. I miss the things I know. Its been hard stepping out of my comfort zone. I have had breakdowns. I have had plenty of moments where I have felt alone.
I know I know. Its common. Its normal, etc. But its hard, and at the same time I know its what I need to do right now.
I have spend every morning before I get on with my day, spending time with God. I read a Proverb a day. I spend time praying to God to show me His will and plan for me being here. I spend my morning and plenty of my day talking to Him, and seeking out where my next step is. Asking for Him to bring a peace and ease into my being here.
Everyday is new. I know that it will get easier. I trust God in my being here.
I do enjoy that I am doing school. Yeah, its school, and its not the most fun thing in life. But I'm doing something productive. I know that homework will soon start to fill up the empty space boring time.
I also know that soon enough it will be break, and I will be home.
I just need to keep going. Work hard, and keep trying to meet people/make connections. I trust God in my everyday, and I know there is a reason for all this.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
blog blog blog blog blog blog blog blog blog blog blog blog
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
Ok now to what I was really going to say. HAHA gotta love sassy moments
Yeah yeah this will be about my getting ready for school. Shocking I know. But hey its pretty much the happening in my life right now.
Well I have finished up with things like work. I have said some goodbyes. I'm just about finished with packing.
It's the same thing I keep saying.... bittersweet.
Super excited, but there are a few moments where I see my stuff all packed away, or I say an official "bye/see ya later" where I think "wow this is real. I'm almost there." Just a few more days. Some of my hardest see you laters to come.
But the silver lining to it is, I am a phone call/text/skype away. I'm not gone for good. I'll be back around.
I need this for myself. I have to prove to myself that I am more then how I feel sometimes. So even if its hard being away from what I know. I know it will all be good and fun and whatever else it will bring. Sure there will be times when I feel alone. But thats normal. Those are the moments that I will have to do something about me feeling that way. That's when I have to go and take a step toward meeting someone. And in those times I can also call/text/skype back home.
I'm away but not gone. Goodbye isn't goodbye. It's just see you later.
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
Ok now to what I was really going to say. HAHA gotta love sassy moments
Yeah yeah this will be about my getting ready for school. Shocking I know. But hey its pretty much the happening in my life right now.
Well I have finished up with things like work. I have said some goodbyes. I'm just about finished with packing.
It's the same thing I keep saying.... bittersweet.
Super excited, but there are a few moments where I see my stuff all packed away, or I say an official "bye/see ya later" where I think "wow this is real. I'm almost there." Just a few more days. Some of my hardest see you laters to come.
But the silver lining to it is, I am a phone call/text/skype away. I'm not gone for good. I'll be back around.
I need this for myself. I have to prove to myself that I am more then how I feel sometimes. So even if its hard being away from what I know. I know it will all be good and fun and whatever else it will bring. Sure there will be times when I feel alone. But thats normal. Those are the moments that I will have to do something about me feeling that way. That's when I have to go and take a step toward meeting someone. And in those times I can also call/text/skype back home.
I'm away but not gone. Goodbye isn't goodbye. It's just see you later.
Saturday, August 6, 2011
I had the chance to go to Noah's Ark with some friends a few weeks ago. Well when I go there, I really like to go down the "Point Of No Return" So pretty much a straight down drop.
Well I love the ride its awesome. But I was thinking about it. Every time I go, I am always jazzed up about getting to go on it. However I always have to build my nerves up to go and do it. Its a cross between loving the ride and being scared of it. I always end up doing it though. Even though there is always the few moments of "I'm not going to do it" or whatever.
As I was thinking about this, it kinda relates to my life in general. Esp about me going to school.
I have been wanting to go, and excited/jazzed to go. And I have been doing the things to get me there. Sure I have had some help along the way. And I know I have had a whole lot of encouragement along the way. And I've needed it at times. But yeah. I have times where I am scared and all nerves are going/on edge. I know that right now its hard and nerve racking. But once I'm there and doing it. I know I will love it.
Sure there may be some hard moments. But its just like an amusement park ride. Ups and downs, nerves going. But a thrill. This is a thrill of a lifetime. Its the next step, and as I get closer and closer, I keep having the ups and downs or excitement and nerves. But on the same hand, its worth it, and I will love it.
Well I love the ride its awesome. But I was thinking about it. Every time I go, I am always jazzed up about getting to go on it. However I always have to build my nerves up to go and do it. Its a cross between loving the ride and being scared of it. I always end up doing it though. Even though there is always the few moments of "I'm not going to do it" or whatever.
As I was thinking about this, it kinda relates to my life in general. Esp about me going to school.
I have been wanting to go, and excited/jazzed to go. And I have been doing the things to get me there. Sure I have had some help along the way. And I know I have had a whole lot of encouragement along the way. And I've needed it at times. But yeah. I have times where I am scared and all nerves are going/on edge. I know that right now its hard and nerve racking. But once I'm there and doing it. I know I will love it.
Sure there may be some hard moments. But its just like an amusement park ride. Ups and downs, nerves going. But a thrill. This is a thrill of a lifetime. Its the next step, and as I get closer and closer, I keep having the ups and downs or excitement and nerves. But on the same hand, its worth it, and I will love it.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Just sitting around outside in the heat listening to some music. In a sick way I love it. Its like I keep saying hot is way better then sub zero in mid January. So don't complain about it. Yes its hot, but these are the days we look forward to a good chunk of the year.
Anyway that's not why I sat down to write...
I sat down to "check in" so to speak.
My summer has been crazy. Great, eventful and fun. And its gone by fast.
Monday marked the one month mark till I leave for school. Yup we are now under the official time to get stuff done, packed, spend time with people, finish up with my last couple weeks of work, and just being ready.
I am super excited, but at the same time I getting nervous. Its a bitter sweet thing. Its the start of the rest of my life. But there are things that are nerve racking. And its a healthy form of nerves, so its all good. I'm not freaking out. Its going to be good. I'm going to miss people, but I'm going to meet new people. I guess my biggest fear is that I'll get there and its not going to be instantly I have a friend there. I have to work toward the relationships that I will have and find. Just like I did while I was building relationships here, and I don't want to sit around and sulk that I miss people here, and they still have each other . Cause even though I will miss them. I can't let anything hold me back from the new stuff and people that will come.
I have my days where I am sitting there thinking what have I gotten myself into? Those days of doubt of if I can even do this. And even if I can do this, how the heck will I pay for it. Will everything with my financial aid come through, will I figure out how to make it all work, etc. I haven't had may of those days, but they have happened.
Now that I am coming closer and closer to it all being real. I can say I'm scared, but scared with a mix of total excitement. I say its a healthy form of being scared. Cause it's going to be a whole new change in life. Something I have never done before, the first time for a lot of things. But there is excitement in that very fact of it may be there first time for things.
So hear is to me saying I have butterflies in my stomach that are turning and creating knots. But I have excitement cause its something I want for myself. I want to have a purpose and focus in my everyday. That purpose and focus is to work hard, study hard, and be the best student I can be. Creating friendships, being a good friend. Working on the next part of my life, which leads toward the rest of my life.
Its going to be a long and hard road. But its going to be an amazing great path to be on.
Anyway that's not why I sat down to write...
I sat down to "check in" so to speak.
My summer has been crazy. Great, eventful and fun. And its gone by fast.
Monday marked the one month mark till I leave for school. Yup we are now under the official time to get stuff done, packed, spend time with people, finish up with my last couple weeks of work, and just being ready.
I am super excited, but at the same time I getting nervous. Its a bitter sweet thing. Its the start of the rest of my life. But there are things that are nerve racking. And its a healthy form of nerves, so its all good. I'm not freaking out. Its going to be good. I'm going to miss people, but I'm going to meet new people. I guess my biggest fear is that I'll get there and its not going to be instantly I have a friend there. I have to work toward the relationships that I will have and find. Just like I did while I was building relationships here, and I don't want to sit around and sulk that I miss people here, and they still have each other . Cause even though I will miss them. I can't let anything hold me back from the new stuff and people that will come.
I have my days where I am sitting there thinking what have I gotten myself into? Those days of doubt of if I can even do this. And even if I can do this, how the heck will I pay for it. Will everything with my financial aid come through, will I figure out how to make it all work, etc. I haven't had may of those days, but they have happened.
Now that I am coming closer and closer to it all being real. I can say I'm scared, but scared with a mix of total excitement. I say its a healthy form of being scared. Cause it's going to be a whole new change in life. Something I have never done before, the first time for a lot of things. But there is excitement in that very fact of it may be there first time for things.
So hear is to me saying I have butterflies in my stomach that are turning and creating knots. But I have excitement cause its something I want for myself. I want to have a purpose and focus in my everyday. That purpose and focus is to work hard, study hard, and be the best student I can be. Creating friendships, being a good friend. Working on the next part of my life, which leads toward the rest of my life.
Its going to be a long and hard road. But its going to be an amazing great path to be on.
Monday, July 4, 2011
Happy 4th of July
So this is a short and sweet post for the time being....
Asking the usual question of what are some things you are glad you have the freedom to do?
Go about your day(s) and think about all the things you do/like to do. Are you thankful you have the right to do those things?
I plan on posting something for my response to this....
Have a great 4th of July 2011
So this is a short and sweet post for the time being....
Asking the usual question of what are some things you are glad you have the freedom to do?
Go about your day(s) and think about all the things you do/like to do. Are you thankful you have the right to do those things?
I plan on posting something for my response to this....
Have a great 4th of July 2011
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
So I have tattoos. I have a few more ideas of some I want. But those are not in the distant future. My count is now up to 4... yup :)
I got number 3 and 4 yesterday. I have my cross with the "hidden" fishes that is kind of made out of on my foot. I have my star with psalm 139:14 on my right shoulder. I have a peace sign on the outside of my right ankle. And I have the word forgiven written on my left wrist.
I was sitting on the couch last night kinda checking out the new ones. I like my new one's a whole lot. I like all of my tattoos a lot. But I was also thinking, each one of them represents something to me.
My cross (which yes, was my first one, which I got at 18 and I wanted one but...) is a symbol of my faith. It's a small way without word or actions to back it up, says i have some sort of faith.
My Star with the verse is a representation and a reminder. The star, kinda like lightening for me, is a way I see how big God is. God is so big that he placed the stars in the sky and he placed me here in this life. The verse is a reminder of I am made by God, I'm not junk, and I have a purpose.
My peace sign, well yes it kind of is a random one that I wanted. But as I was thinking, it has meaning. First off I have always liked the peace sign, I have always like the word peace, I have always like the meaning behind the word. I am a person who likes peace between people. I like the feeling of peace overcoming my heart, and mind. But the biggest thing is, right now in my life, I have a lot of peace between God and me. I have peace with things for school. I have peace with knowing that my life is moving and changing and I get to take the next steps. I am excited about it. Its peace that gives me the room to be excited. So it may have been a tattoo that was "random" and/or "a want" but at the same time it has meaning to me.
And now we get to my Forgiven. Ahh yes this is one I have wanted for a long time. I had a very hard time getting up enough "nerve" to actually get it done. I had to be in a place in my life and faith to get it. Well I have been ready for a little bit of time now. And yesterday I made it happen. This tattoo is so important to me. It is a huge deal. Like bring me to tears important (which actually happened last night while I was checking it out.) This tattoo is a part of my story. My life, and God story. I have hit that point of being able to tell that story now. I'm not scared to say yeah I screwed up, I made some poor choices and had a poor/scary attitude. I know I will always struggle with that demon of my life, which also plays into the importance and meaning to my star tattoo. But at the same time I have been for real forgiven by God for the mistakes I made, and will make. I had to finally forgive myself to be able to understand and accept that God really has forgiven me. I had to forgive myself to be able to get it. And I have. I am ready to have my story. Maybe it will mean something to someone someday. Maybe it will change someone's life. It's my story in and through Christ that if it changes one person or a couple. But even if it doesn't... It changed me. And in my life with Christ, I am the one that gets the biggest joy in my change. This tattoo means so much to me. It also looks pretty amazing and I really truly am glad I have it.
I got number 3 and 4 yesterday. I have my cross with the "hidden" fishes that is kind of made out of on my foot. I have my star with psalm 139:14 on my right shoulder. I have a peace sign on the outside of my right ankle. And I have the word forgiven written on my left wrist.
I was sitting on the couch last night kinda checking out the new ones. I like my new one's a whole lot. I like all of my tattoos a lot. But I was also thinking, each one of them represents something to me.
My cross (which yes, was my first one, which I got at 18 and I wanted one but...) is a symbol of my faith. It's a small way without word or actions to back it up, says i have some sort of faith.
My Star with the verse is a representation and a reminder. The star, kinda like lightening for me, is a way I see how big God is. God is so big that he placed the stars in the sky and he placed me here in this life. The verse is a reminder of I am made by God, I'm not junk, and I have a purpose.
My peace sign, well yes it kind of is a random one that I wanted. But as I was thinking, it has meaning. First off I have always liked the peace sign, I have always like the word peace, I have always like the meaning behind the word. I am a person who likes peace between people. I like the feeling of peace overcoming my heart, and mind. But the biggest thing is, right now in my life, I have a lot of peace between God and me. I have peace with things for school. I have peace with knowing that my life is moving and changing and I get to take the next steps. I am excited about it. Its peace that gives me the room to be excited. So it may have been a tattoo that was "random" and/or "a want" but at the same time it has meaning to me.
And now we get to my Forgiven. Ahh yes this is one I have wanted for a long time. I had a very hard time getting up enough "nerve" to actually get it done. I had to be in a place in my life and faith to get it. Well I have been ready for a little bit of time now. And yesterday I made it happen. This tattoo is so important to me. It is a huge deal. Like bring me to tears important (which actually happened last night while I was checking it out.) This tattoo is a part of my story. My life, and God story. I have hit that point of being able to tell that story now. I'm not scared to say yeah I screwed up, I made some poor choices and had a poor/scary attitude. I know I will always struggle with that demon of my life, which also plays into the importance and meaning to my star tattoo. But at the same time I have been for real forgiven by God for the mistakes I made, and will make. I had to finally forgive myself to be able to understand and accept that God really has forgiven me. I had to forgive myself to be able to get it. And I have. I am ready to have my story. Maybe it will mean something to someone someday. Maybe it will change someone's life. It's my story in and through Christ that if it changes one person or a couple. But even if it doesn't... It changed me. And in my life with Christ, I am the one that gets the biggest joy in my change. This tattoo means so much to me. It also looks pretty amazing and I really truly am glad I have it.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Ok so not how this is going to come out, or what your perspective on it will be, and its not a statement against anyone. As well as I do not expect or even searching for anyone to comment or make a statement to it, cause thats your choice, as well as its your choice to read.
But here we go...
So I know I have come a long way in my self image lately. I know that I have more confidence in myself. I am working on and getting a handle on my life a little better.
But at the same time I struggle with the question of what in my stand in peoples lives? What do I mean to anyone? Am I someone people want to invest their time into? Am I someone that someone would go out of their way for if I truly needed it? Or am I just another face and name in their life and they call me a "friend?" Could people even give a care about me? Can anyone see any impact in me having me in their life?
I'm not saying that I want to be everyones best friend, or that I have to mean the world to anyone or everyone. But at the same time I (like everyone else) wonder to know what I mean, what kind of impact do I make, how do people really feel/think about me?
I know this post sounds really self conceded and I'm making it all about me. But in a way its me confessing a struggle I have. I can really have a hard time thinking/feeling/knowing that I mean anything to anyone. Its a weak area in my life. And Im not a huge fan of it. But at the same time. I know its a struggle/weak area. And I guess that is a starting place to break that issue.
I guess for right now thats what I have for this post....
But here we go...
So I know I have come a long way in my self image lately. I know that I have more confidence in myself. I am working on and getting a handle on my life a little better.
But at the same time I struggle with the question of what in my stand in peoples lives? What do I mean to anyone? Am I someone people want to invest their time into? Am I someone that someone would go out of their way for if I truly needed it? Or am I just another face and name in their life and they call me a "friend?" Could people even give a care about me? Can anyone see any impact in me having me in their life?
I'm not saying that I want to be everyones best friend, or that I have to mean the world to anyone or everyone. But at the same time I (like everyone else) wonder to know what I mean, what kind of impact do I make, how do people really feel/think about me?
I know this post sounds really self conceded and I'm making it all about me. But in a way its me confessing a struggle I have. I can really have a hard time thinking/feeling/knowing that I mean anything to anyone. Its a weak area in my life. And Im not a huge fan of it. But at the same time. I know its a struggle/weak area. And I guess that is a starting place to break that issue.
I guess for right now thats what I have for this post....
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
So the other day I was thinking, we all have junk in our lives right?
Some more then others.
We all have little quarks about ourselves.
On that thought. How much of it are things that we do, or have or say in a way for us to "get caught."
You know how much of acting out do we do as a "how much can we get away with?" or a "if I do this and that, will so and so still love me?" or a "how much is to much before people start pushing me out of their life?"
I know that in some way I do this. I have done things that in honesty has been "a test" to see how much love I deserve. Or how much people really do mean it when they say they love me. Do they really mean it even if I do stupid, horrible things?
In the same aspect I think we all do this. I think we all do it or have done it with the people in our lives. But I think we all do it or have done it with God. I think we have all hit a point in our lives where we say "really God you love me even though I do this or that?" or "God you really love me even though I am this person?"
I think we all have doubt about ourselves. Doubt that we deserve love, from people, and from God.
I know I struggle with it a lot and often. I have a lot of self esteem issues. And they all lead to the same thing of I often feel I don't deserve to be loved. Because of things like the way I look, or the way I talk or say things, or the way I do things. I have often felt like if people can't love me, why should God.
I know, I know. The self esteem issue thing is Satan. I know its a lie when I hear in my head that I can't be loved by people or God.
But how often have we all gone through it. I don't know a single person who hasn't felt it at one point or another in their lives.
I'm not really sure where this post was suppose to go. So Ill stop there. May add on later.
I know that in some way I do this. I have done things that in honesty has been "a test" to see how much love I deserve. Or how much people really do mean it when they say they love me. Do they really mean it even if I do stupid, horrible things?
In the same aspect I think we all do this. I think we all do it or have done it with the people in our lives. But I think we all do it or have done it with God. I think we have all hit a point in our lives where we say "really God you love me even though I do this or that?" or "God you really love me even though I am this person?"
I think we all have doubt about ourselves. Doubt that we deserve love, from people, and from God.
I know I struggle with it a lot and often. I have a lot of self esteem issues. And they all lead to the same thing of I often feel I don't deserve to be loved. Because of things like the way I look, or the way I talk or say things, or the way I do things. I have often felt like if people can't love me, why should God.
I know, I know. The self esteem issue thing is Satan. I know its a lie when I hear in my head that I can't be loved by people or God.
But how often have we all gone through it. I don't know a single person who hasn't felt it at one point or another in their lives.
I'm not really sure where this post was suppose to go. So Ill stop there. May add on later.
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