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Life has it's highs and lows. Embrace it. Live It. Push through. Find the Joy, the Laughter, the Smiles. The little things are the things that bring the most joy. New Life Rises From The Ashes. ~ <3 ~

Saturday, July 31, 2010

There is this whole school thing. I feel so pressured into having to go. Don't get me wrong, I want to. but every time I think about it, I feel sick to my stomach. I feel sick thinking about paying for it, and how I will have no more time for things. It also makes me feel sick when I think about not going. What would I do if I don't?
I have put off registration because of this sick feeling. I have had gut wrenching feelings about it all. I have gone through being physically sick, and emotionally sick this last few weeks because of all this.
What do I do? Other then praying for God's strength and plan to help me through, where do I start?

Sunday, July 25, 2010


So what do you do when there is a boy that you like so much. You like him so much you would do anything for him. Even if that something was letting him go, setting feelings aside and being there for him.
Well my feelings for a boy keep on keeping on. I like him so much. And whenever I see him I get the butterflies. I get a smile on my face. I have honestly been able to picture my life with him. He is so awesome. I am so excited that he is my date for my brothers wedding. Part of me wants to tell him how I feel. But part of me doesn't. Because since he is going off to the Marines in a few months i don't want to ruin what we have before he goes. But then I want him to know. I don't want him to be gone, and not know. What's a girl to do? Do I tell him at the wedding? Do I tell him before he leaves? Do I not tell him at all? Do I wait, and whenever he is back home(which I think he is gone for like 5 years) see how I feel and then figure it out? I have no idea. I have on and off feelings for him for years now. And now the feelings are crazy, I've never felt this way. It makes me smile. AHHH being a girl is so silly sometimes.
I am so incredible proud of him for what he is doing. It makes me happy to see him so excited about doing this. He has been so smart in his decision. He has thought of the long run, his future, what joining will do for him. How he can do so much more later on. I know this is good for him. I know God is blessing him, and will be with him.

And yes, I know I am being a total girl. But hey, it happens.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Who Am I

OK this is one thing that I have always wondered, and will probably always wonder and ask. But "Who Am I"
I know I have a lot of things about me. But I just haven't found that notch in life.
I have always struggled with who I am. I have always been on and off of liking myself. And lately I have been hating myself. I noticed this today. I don't know what it is. I feel like I am bad at being me, and bad at the things in my life.
When it comes to my friends, I have a wide variety. I know who my best friends are, but I wonder, am I one of their best friends? Am I anyones best friend? Or am I just another friend to everyone.
I wonder if I make a difference to anyone. What is something I have done that has made an impact to someone, anyone.
What does my life mean? THere have been a few recent moments where I have almost come close to being in an accident that I could have been dead. Makes me think, why didn't it happen what is my purpose? Why do I exist? But I feel so lost and struggling with who I am that I have been scared.
Part of me knows its Satan, but really... Who Am I? What do I mean to anyone? What is my purpose?