About Me

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Life has it's highs and lows. Embrace it. Live It. Push through. Find the Joy, the Laughter, the Smiles. The little things are the things that bring the most joy. New Life Rises From The Ashes. ~ <3 ~

Tuesday, November 8, 2011


Well its November.
Holy crap where has the time gone. I've done almost a whole semester of school here already??? WHAT???
Well I wish I had something interesting of some sort to post about. But I don't.
Its been a while since I've blogged, or wrote for the heck of it. I mean I've been writing, but papers are not exciting.

School is going pretty well. I'm finally in a spot where I don't cry everyday. Or I want to give up. No, I'm actually doing well in classes. I have people I call friends. Sure I have things that stress me out, like tests or assignments I don't want to do. But its how it is. I have a class I strongly dislike, which is Astronomy, but I cant change the fact that I'm in it. Honestly, not sure what we are suppose to be learning. The teacher is difficult to talk to, he lectures on things that aren't on the quizzes and test, etc. But that's not what I'm here to write about. Cause that's only one class, and by the end I should pass it, because even if it doesn't look like its going well, he grades on a curve, and I should pull it off. I'm doing fantastic in English. I've had a few "piss off" moments with that class, but no one likes their work to be edited, or critiqued. My research paper, well I have only been "scared" of doing it wrong, which made me "scared" to do it at all. But I used my resources available, and pulled something off to turn in my rough draft on time. and you know what my teacher said it was a excellent rough draft. HAHA I was shocked to hear that. But it was a confidence boost. The other classes, I'm doing decent in, staying on top of my work, and yeah.

I officially changed my major a few weeks ago, and I couldn't be happier about that decision. I'm super excited to look ahead and be a psych major. I worked on building a schedule for next semester, met with my advisor to check in and see if with that and make sure I'm headed in the right direction, and she said yeah. So hopefully I get the schedule I put together and classes I picked. I will be really happy if I get the schedule and classes I want. If I do, I know that I will have to work hard, but thats not a bad thing. I will take care of a couple different "goal areas" for my gen eds, if I get the classes. So hope and pray that it works out. If not, I keep going, and find something that fits and works, and yeah.

With all that, I'm also excited to get to come home, and spend time with my family and my friends over thanksgiving, and over winter break.

I guess for now thats what I have to post. Hopefully I wont have a big stretch again before another post. But I thought I would use some of my free time today to write, give an update, and yeah.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Alright so I have been thinking, and I am feeling that I am suppose to change majors. Right now it is elementary education. However, as I look ahead at school, and my life, I cant foresee myself being a teacher. If I put my mind to it, I can do it. But as much as I love kids I don't think I would want to teach them.

As I am figuring things out, I am realizing how much I have a heart for people, and a whole lot of empathy for people. I want to help people. So I want to change to Psychology. With the intent to probably do something with a focus on kids.

I have also been really getting into digging into the To Write Love On Her Arms website, and their story, and so on.

This is it, this is where my heart is at. Outside of the whole wife and mom thing that I want, this is what I want to do, this is what I believe I am called for. I want to help others, helping them through their storms of life. I want to be someone they can trust, and let love them, without judgment and for who they are.

We will see where this all goes, and how things move along, but thats kinda what I'm thinking right now.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Well Im checkin in again. Im almost to my 4 weekend here. Sigh its crazy.
I pretty much take life on a day to day, week by week.
I miss home. I miss my life of everything I know.
I love being in classes though. I like that I'm "doing something."
I have roommate issues. And its crazy. She has decided she wants to switch rooms. But she has no real reason for it. Like and I'm not just saying that to "defend myself. She really has no real legit reason. Whatever.....
I surrender everyday to God. I read my Bible and pray everyday.
But have anxiety/panic running through me at some point in the day.
In those moments I tell myself I'm ok, Gods got me. I pray.
But I dont like being so far away from home.
Sure there are people here that I am meeting. I generally everyday have someone to eat with and talk to.
I go to bible study and cru. I found a church. Im probably gonna start volunteering there too.
I sit down with new people at meals if I didn't meet up with someone.
I introduce myself to new people if someone I know has someone come up to them. etc.
I know people here because they are Dans friends. But at the same time they are Dan's friends, and I don't want to step in the way of his friendships.
I guess three weeks in I am still having those good and bad days. Yeah they are always gonna happen. I'm still adjusting. But to be honest its hard. I knew it wasn't going to be easy. But I'm really learning to lean into and trust God so much more then I ever have in my life.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Well its just been a little over a week since I have been at school.
For the most part it hasn't been bad.
There is a lot. A lot of people, and lot of time to fill, a lot of newness, etc.
Classes are so far so good. You know boring, and first week kind of stuff.
I've gone to activities (even if its not my kind of thing, I go for a little bit. Just to get out, and make "my presence.") I've gone to cru, which I'm excited about. I have gone to church both weekends. I've gone for walks, sat outside to be out and about. I've gone to meals with some people, etc.
But it hasn't been the easiest week. I have been really homesick. I miss my friends and family. I miss the things I know. Its been hard stepping out of my comfort zone. I have had breakdowns. I have had plenty of moments where I have felt alone.
I know I know. Its common. Its normal, etc. But its hard, and at the same time I know its what I need to do right now.
I have spend every morning before I get on with my day, spending time with God. I read a Proverb a day. I spend time praying to God to show me His will and plan for me being here. I spend my morning and plenty of my day talking to Him, and seeking out where my next step is. Asking for Him to bring a peace and ease into my being here.
Everyday is new. I know that it will get easier. I trust God in my being here.
I do enjoy that I am doing school. Yeah, its school, and its not the most fun thing in life. But I'm doing something productive. I know that homework will soon start to fill up the empty space boring time.
I also know that soon enough it will be break, and I will be home.
I just need to keep going. Work hard, and keep trying to meet people/make connections. I trust God in my everyday, and I know there is a reason for all this.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

blog blog blog blog blog blog blog blog blog blog blog blog

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

Ok now to what I was really going to say. HAHA gotta love sassy moments

Yeah yeah this will be about my getting ready for school. Shocking I know. But hey its pretty much the happening in my life right now. 

Well I have finished up with things like work. I have said some goodbyes. I'm just about finished with packing. 

It's the same thing I keep saying.... bittersweet. 

Super excited, but there are a few moments where I see my stuff all packed away, or I say an official "bye/see ya later" where I think "wow this is real. I'm almost there." Just a few more days. Some of my hardest see you laters to come. 

But the silver lining to it is, I am a phone call/text/skype away. I'm not gone for good. I'll be back around. 

I need this for myself. I have to prove to myself that I am more then how I feel sometimes. So even if its hard being away from what I know. I know it will all be good and fun and whatever else it will bring. Sure there will be times when I feel alone. But thats normal. Those are the moments that I will have to do something about me feeling that way. That's when I have to go and take a step toward meeting someone. And in those times I can also call/text/skype back home. 

I'm away but not gone. Goodbye isn't goodbye. It's just see you later. 

by beth

by beth peace out .

-Lil John

Saturday, August 6, 2011

I had the chance to go to Noah's Ark with some friends a few weeks ago. Well when I go there, I really like to go down the "Point Of No Return" So pretty much a straight down drop.

Well I love the ride its awesome. But I was thinking about it. Every time I go, I am always jazzed up about getting to go on it. However I always have to build my nerves up to go and do it. Its a cross between loving the ride and being scared of it. I always end up doing it though. Even though there is always the few moments of "I'm not going to do it" or whatever.

As I was thinking about this, it kinda relates to my life in general. Esp about me going to school.

I have been wanting to go, and excited/jazzed to go. And I have been doing the things to get me there. Sure I have had some help along the way. And I know I have had a whole lot of encouragement along the way. And I've needed it at times. But yeah. I have times where I am scared and all nerves are going/on edge. I know that right now its hard and nerve racking. But once I'm there and doing it. I know I will love it.

Sure there may be some hard moments. But its just like an amusement park ride. Ups and downs, nerves going. But a thrill. This is a thrill of a lifetime. Its the next step, and as I get closer and closer, I keep having the ups and downs or excitement and nerves. But on the same hand, its worth it, and I will love it.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Just sitting around outside in the heat listening to some music. In a sick way I love it. Its like I keep saying hot is way better then sub zero in mid January. So don't complain about it. Yes its hot, but these are the days we look forward to a good chunk of the year.

Anyway that's not why I sat down to write...
I sat down to "check in" so to speak.

My summer has been crazy. Great, eventful and fun. And its gone by fast.
Monday marked the one month mark till I leave for school. Yup we are now under the official time to get stuff done, packed, spend time with people, finish up with my last couple weeks of work, and just being ready.

I am super excited, but at the same time I getting nervous. Its a bitter sweet thing. Its the start of the rest of my life. But there are things that are nerve racking. And its a healthy form of nerves, so its all good. I'm not freaking out. Its going to be good. I'm going to miss people, but I'm going to meet new people. I guess my biggest fear is that I'll get there and its not going to be instantly I have a friend there. I have to work toward the relationships that I will have and find. Just like I did while I was building relationships here, and I don't want to sit around and sulk that I miss people here, and they still have each other . Cause even though I will miss them. I can't let anything hold me back from the new stuff and people that will come.

I have my days where I am sitting there thinking what have I gotten myself into? Those days of doubt of if I can even do this. And even if I can do this, how the heck will I pay for it. Will everything with my financial aid come through, will I figure out how to make it all work, etc. I haven't had may of those days, but they have happened.

Now that I am coming closer and closer to it all being real. I can say I'm scared, but scared with a mix of total excitement. I say its a healthy form of being scared. Cause it's going to be a whole new change in life. Something I have never done before, the first time for a lot of things. But there is excitement in that very fact of it may be there first time for things.

So hear is to me saying I have butterflies in my stomach that are turning and creating knots. But I have excitement cause its something I want for myself. I want to have a purpose and focus in my everyday. That purpose and focus is to work hard, study hard, and be the best student I can be. Creating friendships, being a good friend. Working on the next part of my life, which leads toward the rest of my life.

Its going to be a long and hard road. But its going to be an amazing great path to be on.

Monday, July 4, 2011

Happy 4th of July

So this is a short and sweet post for the time being....
Asking the usual question of what are some things you are glad you have the freedom to do?
Go about your day(s) and think about all the things you do/like to do. Are you thankful you have the right to do those things?

I plan on posting something for my response to this....
Have a great 4th of July 2011

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

So I have tattoos. I have a few more ideas of some I want. But those are not in the distant future. My count is now up to 4... yup :)

I got number 3 and 4 yesterday. I have my cross with the "hidden" fishes that is kind of made out of on my foot. I have my star with psalm 139:14 on my right shoulder. I have a peace sign on the outside of my right ankle. And I have the word forgiven written on my left wrist.

I was sitting on the couch last night kinda checking out the new ones. I like my new one's a whole lot. I like all of my tattoos a lot. But I was also thinking, each one of them represents something to me.

My cross (which yes, was my first one, which I got at 18 and I wanted one but...) is a symbol of my faith. It's a small way without word or actions to back it up, says i have some sort of faith.

My Star with the verse is a representation and a reminder. The star, kinda like lightening for me, is a way I see how big God is. God is so big that he placed the stars in the sky and he placed me here in this life. The verse is a reminder of I am made by God, I'm not junk, and I have a purpose.

My peace sign, well yes it kind of is a random one that I wanted. But as I was thinking, it has meaning. First off I have always liked the peace sign, I have always like the word peace, I have always like the meaning behind the word. I am a person who likes peace between people. I like the feeling of peace overcoming my heart, and mind. But the biggest thing is, right now in my life, I have a lot of peace between God and me. I have peace with things for school. I have peace with knowing that my life is moving and changing and I get to take the next steps. I am excited about it. Its peace that gives me the room to be excited. So it may have been a tattoo that was "random" and/or "a want" but at the same time it has meaning to me.

And now we get to my Forgiven. Ahh yes this is one I have wanted for a long time. I had a very hard time getting up enough "nerve" to actually get it done. I had to be in a place in my life and faith to get it. Well I have been ready for a little bit of time now. And yesterday I made it happen. This tattoo is so important to me. It is a huge deal. Like bring me to tears important (which actually happened last night while I was checking it out.) This tattoo is a part of my story. My life, and God story. I have hit that point of being able to tell that story now. I'm not scared to say yeah I screwed up, I made some poor choices and had a poor/scary attitude. I know I will always struggle with that demon of my life, which also plays into the importance and meaning to my star tattoo. But at the same time I have been for real forgiven by God for the mistakes I made, and will make. I had to finally forgive myself to be able to understand and accept that God really has forgiven me. I had to forgive myself to be able to get it. And I have. I am ready to have my story. Maybe it will mean something to someone someday. Maybe it will change someone's life. It's my story in and through Christ that if it changes one person or a couple. But even if it doesn't... It changed me. And in my life with Christ, I am the one that gets the biggest joy in my change. This tattoo means so much to me. It also looks pretty amazing and I really truly am glad I have it. 

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Ok so not how this is going to come out, or what your perspective on it will be, and its not a statement against anyone. As well as  I do not expect or even searching for anyone to comment or make a statement to it, cause thats your choice, as well as its your choice to read.

But here we go...

So I know I have come a long way in my self image lately. I know that I have more confidence in myself. I am working on and getting a handle on my life a little better.

But at the same time I struggle with the question of what in my stand in peoples lives? What do I mean to anyone? Am I someone people want to invest their time into? Am I someone that someone would go out of their way for if I truly needed it? Or am I just another face and name in their life and they call me a "friend?" Could people even give a care about me? Can anyone see any impact in me having me in their life?

I'm not saying that I want to be everyones best friend, or that I have to mean the world to anyone or everyone. But at the same time I (like everyone else) wonder to know what I mean, what kind of impact do I make, how do people really feel/think about me?

I know this post sounds really self conceded and I'm making it all about me. But in a way its me confessing a struggle I have. I can really have a hard time thinking/feeling/knowing that I mean anything to anyone. Its a weak area in my life. And Im not a huge fan of it. But at the same time. I know its a struggle/weak area. And I guess that is a starting place to break that issue.

I guess for right now thats what I have for this post....

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

So the other day I was thinking, we all have junk in our lives right?
Some more then others.
We all have little quarks about ourselves. 

On that thought. How much of it are things that we do, or have or say in a way for us to "get caught." 
You know how much of acting out do we do as a "how much can we get away with?" or a "if I do this and that, will so and so still love me?" or a "how much is to much before people start pushing me out of their life?"

I know that in some way I do this. I have done things that in honesty has been "a test" to see how much love I deserve. Or how much people really do mean it when they say they love me. Do they really mean it even if I do stupid, horrible things?

In the same aspect I think we all do this. I think we all do it or have done it with the people in our lives. But I think we all do it or have done it with God. I think we have all hit a point in our lives where we say "really God you love me even though I do this or that?" or "God you really love me even though I am this person?"

I think we all have doubt about ourselves. Doubt that we deserve love, from people, and from God. 

I know I struggle with it a lot and often. I have a lot of self esteem issues. And they all lead to the same thing of I often feel I don't deserve to be loved. Because of things like the way I look, or the way I talk or say things, or the way I do things. I have often felt like if people can't love me, why should God. 

I know, I know. The self esteem issue thing is Satan. I know its a lie when I hear in my head that I can't be loved by people or God. 

But how often have we all gone through it. I don't know a single person who hasn't felt it at one point or another in their lives. 

I'm not really sure where this post was suppose to go. So Ill stop there. May add on later.
Ok so as I have spend the weekend in South Dakota for my brothers wedding. Setting up, getting things done, actual wedding, etc.
As I watched and participated in it all. I got to watch, watch Dan (and Susanna). Watch him in all that he is. And honestly he is amazing.
He is a man who loves God whole heartedly, He is a man who gives everything to God, He is a man who trusts God with everything, He is a man who leans in close and looks for Gods words. He fears the Lord like we are suppose to. He isn't perfect, no one is. He is quick to admit he is wrong when and if he is. But those moments are far and wide from each other.
He actually inspired/inspires me. I watched him love his wife to be, and I watched their love unfold in the moment they became one. I have never seen such love until them. I can see that the two of them complete each other, they make each other incredibly happy.
Their love for each other is all because of the love they have for Christ. They both are God fearing/loving people. They stayed pure and holy in their relationship through the strength they have in God. It may not have been easy. But they stuck through it until they were husband and wife.
If I could even become half the person they are individually as well as together. It would be super amazing. If I could have half the dedication to prayer they have. If I had/have half of the love of God they have. I couldn't even imagine who I would be.
I'm far from perfect. I screw up a lot. I really wish and want to take what I saw, and put it into practice in my own life. If I could find a guy who loves and fears the Lord like Dan does. If I could have a relationship somewhat like Dan and Susanna's. I would be one incredibly lucky chick.
I don't know what God has in store for me. But I honestly look forward to see what happens.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Ahh yes it is that time of year. Sunshine, Warm/Hot temps, Picnics, Baseball, Friends, Bonfires, etc. Yup it's summer time. I love it. This I think shall be a great summer. A jam packed one, of working, travels/trips, and trying to pack in as much social time in as I can before I head up and move to Minnesota. So it will be fast and short and sweet. But I am looking forward to it. I will be heading to South Dakota this week for my Big Bro's wedding :) heading to Minnesota at the end of the month for orientation, possibly Chicago for a weekend in July, planning on Lifest with some friends and my Baby Bro, and then mid August moving up to Minnesota. Yeah. Crazy. But at the same time my this is my life, constantly something going on, constantly doing something, constantly running/driving around. In a way I love it. In a way I hate it. I wouldn't change it though.

This is the summer before I move on to the the next chapter of my life. The last little bit and stretch of being a constant part of every one's everyday WI life. Come August my life becomes a clean slate. I get to claim/mash together the person I am, and who I want to be. It is scary and exciting all in one. In my previous post, I mentioned how I took this year off to discover myself, and stand on what I know and believe when I do go off to school. I am ready to embrace it and be that person. Be that person where no one knows my past and my junk. A place where people only see who I am now and will be. I get to be in charge of what in my past gets to be revealed, and to who it gets revealed. I'm not saying that my past is horrible, or that I am ashamed of it. Cause all of it has lead up to create the person I am and will be. I will be around people who will either like me or not like me. Not constantly go back and forth between the the two. I won't be around people who have a sloppy perspective and history of a relationship with me. I really try to work on my relationships. I'm not perfect at it. But I try. I also am working hard on my communication. Which will pay off for meeting new people, and building awesome relationships. 

My summer will be bitter sweet crazy. But I will love and embrace it. My next chapter in my life is  right in front of me. I need and want to make this chapter end well, and start off the next one great.  

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Ok so my life has not turned out the way I always thought it would.

Not saying my life is bad. Nope that's not it. Its one of those things, you know, as your growing up you have things you want to do, want to be. More of a bitter sweet thing. I wouldn't change much though.

I've always suffered with my skin. And it has always taken a toll on things I do or don't do.
It has always played a part in how I see myself, and how I think people see me.

Well it hit hard in middle school. You know, new people, new place, make or brake on friends. Well I lost a lot of friends. I made a few. I was in so much pain those couple of years, physically and emotionally. It made such a huge impact on me.

There were things I always thought I would do while I was in high school but never did.  Things like play softball on like the school team. Be in marching band. Take German 4 years instead of 2, even possibly do exchange program. And probably a couple other things I can't think of. As for marching band, I was never good enough to make it. German, well I ended up doing the online school. So I did take one year of it that way but it was hard, and well I didn't want to keep going with it.

Toward the end of senior year I was having a hard time. Like getting work done, learning the information, etc. I did a whole semester worth of physics into the last two weeks of school. With help of tutoring from a few people. I was even unsure if I was going to graduate in time. Low and behold I pulled it off. It was one of the happiest things ever.

However with the whole question of graduation. As well as not having a real idea of what steps it took to get to college. I was not going to school right after high school. I didn't really have help in knowing what to do or how to get there. But as that summer went on I was kinda bummed I wasn't going. Cause I always wanted/planned to go to school "the normal way." Well honestly probably a few weeks to a month before the school year, I got signed up for classes at UW Waukesha. Ha yeah not the plan. but at the same time, I was going to be in school a little bit at least. Not to hard of classes, only a couple of credits that really count. But still I was in school.
Well that year was closing. I wasn't sure what to do next. Actually planned on getting away and going to school still. But it didn't happen. I even made the hard indecisive decision that I was going to take the year off. Discover myself, save a bit of money, start finding my foot hole in life, and find where God and I stand, be at my best with Him before I really do go off to school.

Now to the main point of this post....

Although things seem to have never really played out like I thought they would in my life. Which I know, Life never goes the way we plan or expect. But even though I have gone through trials, and hard times, and stupid moments, and pain, and such. I would not change things. Sure I would have liked to do more, and "be" more. But in my own way I have a lot of good things that have come about.

I can honestly say that in this year that I have taken off to discover myself and so on. I have found it to be what has happened. Yeah I have gone through more then expected, and big things have happened, and I fell on my face a lot. But honestly I feel like I have grown. Grown into an adult, grown into a better relationship with Christ. Grown into some confidence. I'm learning to look at myself differently, I'm starting to work at being a bit healthier. I'm starting to learn how to make decisions(cause I have had to make a few big/hard once lately,) handle things like money, my words, etc. I'm starting to feel that my words and communication are getting a bit better. I feel that when I have something to say, that its not stupid. Sure it may not be brilliant, or whatever. But I am someone, and to some people I am important. Important enough that they want to hear what I have to say.
I know I screwed a lot of things up. Like when I pretty much secluded myself from the world for a while. And I know I hurt a few people along the way. And I am trying to figure it out. Make it right. Asking for forgiveness. And at the same time I feel like I hurt to many people to much that I feel they don't want me around. Yeah I know that's a lie in my head. And that's another thing I'm working on.... sorting the lies from truth. And I have come to be able to recognize them. Just need to keep listening and believing the truth. Because I have so many lies in my head and heart. It gets hard sometimes. But I want and need me to be the best me there is before I head off to school in just about 2 months.

I am finally doing it. Getting to school. Filling a "dream" and a want in my life. And I think I'm ready. I think I went through all I have gone through to be prepared for now and later. I'm excited, happy, etc. Sure there is a bit of fear. Fear of how to pay for school and things, and fear of moving 6 hours away. But at the same time. I am at peace with it all. I know Gods got my back. He is carrying me through, Through my life, through the past present and future. My life is for His glory. I am really working on seeking that, trusting Him, listening to Him. Letting the peace I have in Him and His word, be my stronghold, my solid ground. Because without Him, I would not be where I am today, and be the person I am / am becoming.

Friday, May 27, 2011

When you got them they are fragile
Each one unique
A different strength in each one
A different drive
A different tone
But to me
Each one I have
Is important
Each moment spent
Each memory made
Wouldn't change a thing
Other then the times of selfishness
Pulled back from the world
It did some damage
But trying to build it all back up
Hoping for forgiveness
Every friendship
Every relationship
Means something
Something important
Headphones in
Blanket wrapped around
In the stillness
And silent
Of a cool crisp spring night
In a breath
The world stops
Stops you in your tracks
Thoughts in your head
Crazy and silly

The possibilities you have
The things you can
And want to do
Imagination overtakes your heart
Mind and soul
So much potential to be something
To be Someone

A smile snuck up
Spreads across your face
That reflects a peace, happiness and contentment

The moments that you feel your best
When you feel you really can take on the rest of you life
Moments that are simple and amazing.
There comes a day or days when you change. You know from little kid to teenager. Or teenager to young adult. Or young adult to adult. It's not an age thing. It's the feeling you have one day when you just feel different. Older, mature, maybe a bit wiser. A day you feel you are one step closer to who you are, what you want to be, and who you will become. A day where the fears and doubts, worries, and frustrations of life are viewed different. You handle them in a new way. You don't hide, you face it. You find the way to overcome, fix, or make it work. You take the steps needed to do the next things. To make things work out. To find you are strong enough and that life isn't easy and it takes work, and you are willing to put in the effort and do it/figure it out.
And when those days of maturity happen you find yourself freed a little bit. Lighter, and happier. Fears and frustrations weigh you down so much. Not saying your never going to have them. Cause it's part of life. But when you know that the fear and frustration is not always forever. And you use the tools you have and can use to work through, you are much happier with yourself. You find a place inside where there is peace, comfort and happiness.
When we persist to become what we are meant for. Persist to find ourselves, to be happy, at peace, and live a life worth meaning and purpose. We are radically different. In one of the best ways possible.
You may have to roll with the punches once and a while. But that doesn't mean your avoiding, or not letting it be a part of you. But sometimes things are just to silly/stupid to put time and energy into. Or sometimes things are to big for us to handle on our own.
It's not a bad thing to have to reach out and ask for help. Life is meant to be lived and shared by people. Hurts, joys, happiness, sadness, etc. It's also not a bad thing to handle things on your own. But its not healthy(physically or emotionally) to push ourselves to a point of destruction. We can stand on our own two feet for a lot. But sometimes we fall down and need to be carried. We are not in total control of life. There is only so much that we can handle on our own.
When we can reach the point of understanding of that. And we can approach life in that way. The way to make decisions that build us up. Build others up. To live a life in perspective. We know how to live. We are stronger. We live a life to the full. As we are commanded to do.

Friday, April 29, 2011

It's been a while
Since I've seen your face
The beauty
The elegance
Breath taking amazing
Spoken words
I listen deep
Read the words
I take it in
You love unconditional
A truth I have known all my life
On and off believing
Wanting to be there again
Surrendered to you
My heart equaling Yours
Lies told in my head
Pulled me away
Finding the path
Back to you
To surrender to
and be with
You again
A dream wanted
Half way there
Freak out moment
Paralyzed by fear and doubts
Some moments of hope
But frozen by the unsure next step
Time to be done with the fear
Put on the big girl pants
Get it done
Prove the fear and doubt wrong
Make the dream(s) happen

Friday, April 15, 2011

Starting Over by Addison Road

Open up your eyes 
Awake, arise 
Love like a hand reaches down 
And pulls us up from the dirty ground 
Now is the time 
To step from the dark into the light 
Cause you can’t change what you’ve done 
But you can choose who you’ll become 
Every moment is a second chance 
At starting over, at starting over 
Move from the past to the present tense 
You can start over, start over again 
If you feel ashamed 
Of the choices that you’ve made 
You can be whole again 
And return to your innocence 
Every moment is a second chance 
At starting over, at starting over 
Move from the past to the present tense 
You can start over, start over again 
Yesterday is gone 
Today is all you’ve got 
You don’t have to be who you’ve been 
You can change within 
It’s never too late 
To start over again 
Every moment is a second chance 
At starting over, at starting over 
Move from the past to the present tense 
You can start over, start over again

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

A thousand times
Six journals
Decorated in our style
Pens to fill the pages
Write a few "what your thankful for"
Not complete till 1000
But more if you please
Little things
Big things
Life is full
Take the little
Make them big
Say a thanks
Write it down
No limits
Nothing is stupid
Who you are is in what your thankful for
On our own but together
Stare out a window
What do you see
What does it mean
Calm and still
Busy and loud
Stare to clear the noise your head
Stare to hear them better
Stare to search
Search for an answer
Of who you are
Who you will become
What do you mean
What does anything mean
What do you matter
What does matter
Stare to be
To dream
To think
To find
To listen
To discover
Stare to distract
From the situation
From the noise
From the hurts and fears
Stare out into the world
See its color
See it for what it is
Stare out the window
What do you see

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Sunglasses for the sunshine
Shorts for the warm
Chillin' with the family
Its a perfect day
A perfect Sunday in April
A taste of what shall be
Summer time
And non-stop fun
A summer that may come and go
But a summer that will be marked down in the books
Good and happy moments
Possibly some bad and hurtful ones too
But none the less...
It will be summer
And summer fun it shall be

Friday, April 8, 2011

Jeans an a sweatshirt kind of girl
Yet jammy pants in an instant
Converse wearing
But barefoot when possible
Country music loving
Music junky in general
Movie watching
Baseball watching
Fascinated by the world
Thunderstorm loving
Free spirit
Giggles and laughs
Big heart for other
Original and unique
Yet conformed to what is
Mac vs PC... Mac wins
Pierced and tattooed
Black eyeliner wearing
Painted nails... generally chipped off half the time
Not the morning person type
Coffee in the morning
Technology/gadget enjoying
Constant texter
Kid loving
Favorite color = Green
Long hot shower taker
Biker rider
Loves driving "Little Car"
So much more...

Its me
Love it
Or hate it

Friends;They are the people who...

kick you in the pants when you slack
tell you point blank
sit with you when you cant be alone
stop what they are doing and hold you when your about to fall under
love unconditionally
forgive when asked
you joke around with
share secrets with
share dreams with
see the real you
who love the real you
see when a hurt comes
reassure you that it will be ok
love even if its hard
see past the scars
smile and laugh with you
walk with you on you journeys
leaves a unmistakeable mark in your life
is forever a part of who you are and who you will be
is unforgetable
is someone you love
are more then you could explain
are more then words

Yesterday is over
Today is ...
Tomorrow is a wonder

Where ever

Will it all be real
The line of reality and fantisy
Fine and short
Hard and tough

Give up
Go forth

Choose the mind set
Choose the emotion
Choose the choices

May not be perfect every time
A life is made when it lives
When a dream is worked for
Becomes a reality

A life worth living
Is a life worth a whole heart

Friday, April 1, 2011

So I'm throwing a challenge out there....
Are you willing to take it?

In my last post I talked about how there is beauty in anything and everything.
Ourselves included.

Here is the challenge...

Take a moment each day and find one to two things you like about yourself. Find another one or two things that you find fascinating.
Write them down. Tell someone.

It's mostly a challenge to myself.
But hey, thought I would throw it out there to maybe have some people start viewing themselves a little better too.

We can start viewing  the world differently, when we view ourselves differently.
Take a look at yourself. Your real and true self.
It starts with one though. One truth. One positive thing.

The world around me fascinates me. The colors, the people, the sounds, etc. It's amazing. I tend to find myself be a people watcher. I just enjoy seeing things. Seeing life in a way that is hard to explain. Maybe its that photographers eye that I am told I have. Maybe its my creative side. Maybe its my curiosity/noisiness. Who knows.
Colors mesmerize me. They capture me in a way that has its own interest.
People interest me. The way the act, the way the walk, talk, smile, laugh, etc.

The world is big. There is so much to it. So much so that nothing can begin to describe it. Nothing is the same. Everything and everyone has its own stride. Its own uniqueness. Perfect in there own ways. Good and bad in it all. We get to pick and choose what we want to see. How we view the things of this world and the world itself.
There is beauty in ourselves. In the people around us. Our will to step forth and choose to see it, our will to be better and view the world in its entirety and beauty. Its a powerful thing. Hard to do sometimes. But when we can finally do it, it can be amazing. A whole new type of special, and beautiful.

Friday, March 25, 2011

The Heart of The Matter

Hearts are fragile
They are filled with so much
Like Love and Joy; Hurt and Sorrow
Sometimes we grow in ways we never thought
Sometimes we grow in a way we didn't think we ever would
We become something
Whether good or bad
Something or someone we dreamed of or the exact opposite
Sometimes just a middle of he road; going through the motions
Hitting or missing opportunities, dreams, etc
We are influanced by the way we grew up
What the world is telling us
What our faith is telling is
People and things
Sometimes our strong judgments
Sometimes just what we want
Sometimes our need of control
Sometimes our need to be love
Sometimes life hand us a piece of cake
Sometimes life throws a twister and storm
What are we going to do, how are we going to grow and be
Who are we going to become through it all
Through life
Who will you become, who do you want to be?

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Spring is Just About Here

Spring is just about here

New Life

New opportunities for change

A perfect time to discover yourself

Discover new things in life

Time to grow


Time to shine

Its not over

Its beginning

Season are sweet

All with their own good and bad

But they all have a constant

They have have their own beauty

They all have a life of their own

Spring is the time to discover and grow

Summer is the time to be silly, have fun, and connect in relationships

Fall is the time to relax, and enjoy some change

Winter has its uniqueness (well they all do) but winter brings crazy, and lazy all in one.

This is life


Its what we live in

What we live for

Constant beauty in everything

But sometimes we miss it

We miss the beauty and only see the ugly

Look past it

Find the things that make it all work

Make you happy

Make you...

Well you

Season come

Seasons go

Life happens all around

And sometimes we miss it

Don't miss it

Embrace it

Live it

Discover it all

Monday, March 14, 2011

Just write
Bring it.....

No words
Thats a problem

Life is life
Different day every day
So much the same


Ups and Downs
Twists and Turns
Right and Wrong
Good and Bad
Old and New


Right here, Right now




Life to the Full

New Life Rises from the Ashes

Beauty from Pain

Something different every second
Every minute
Every hour
Every day

Never the same
Always new

Make it what you want
Make it what HE wants

This is Life
This is Love
This is Faith
This is Hope
This is Truth
This is what its all about

Find what works
Be content

Friday, March 11, 2011

Biggest lesson being learned in my life is.... I can only control how I feel, the things I do, etc.
I cannot control other people emotions. How they go about things they feel, and do, that is their choice/right.

We all have the right to be happy, sad, glad, upset, joyful, pissed, etc. But we cannot feel like we have caused someone else to feel that way. In retrospect, yes, we may have caused it. But we didn't make them feel the way they did.
Of course we should always try to build others up, strive to bring joy and a smile. But we are humans, we screw up. And if someone ends up pissed or hurt. That is their choice to feel that way.
We can't define ourselves by how someone else feels. We are who we are. We control ourselves, and ourselves only.

We can tell people what is right or wrong.
 Like in parenting. You can tell your kids what is good or bad, or how to do or not do things. But ultimately you cannot control what they do, say or feel. That is up to the kid.

Life is short, we control how we feel about it.
Sure there are and will be ups and downs. But don't give up. Don't live in the dark place. Strive forth and find the light, and joy.

~ New Life Rises from the Ashes ~
~ <3 ~

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Its a new day

A sunny new day

Things may still be messy

But there is hope

Knowing it will turn out okay

Breaking through

A calm in a heart

A peace that runs over

Who knows how long it will last

But its there for now

Live in it while its there

Knowing love

Feeling love

Eyes opened




Today is a good day

~New Life Rises from the Ashes~

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Stand up

Your okay

You will be fine

This doesn't break you

This makes you

The way out

The way that needs to be taken

To keep on going

To survive

Beginning of the end

Or at least a new chapter

Stay strong

Stand your ground

Say what you have to say

Walk away

Its almost over

Just do it

Be brave

Stay strong

Monday, February 21, 2011


Out of control stuck

Can't breathe

Can't think

Not strong enough


Mature enough

To figure it all out

To stand up

Against the ones loved

Emotional strained



I just want to prove love is there

For them

Can't seem to do it right

Falling faster and faster to breaking

Wanting to be out

Wanting in

Wanting them to know that its not abandonment

It's a "break"

Its growing



Family is forever

True and Real friends are forever

Never wanting to hurt anyone

But all it seems is thats what's happening

One day

It will just be

The next chapter

For Everyone

And Anyone

Everyone will have each other

Some may be alone

One in particular

All will move on

All should get figured out


Can't hold back from reaching the next chapter of me

It's time to figure this shit out

Can't stay stuck

Can't stay feeling this way

Sunday, February 20, 2011


So as I am now a few days into this photo/writing challenge, I must say I am having fun with it. It has really brought back my love for photography. Playing around and taking some "random" shots has been so much fun. And honestly (not to toot my own horn or anything) I have gotten some amazing pictures. I have impressed myself a little bit. I have some that really just make me flat out smile and giddy at how awesome they are. I'm really excited to continue, and see where it takes me. The writing aspect, well you know I have been on a writing kick lately anyways so that is just what it is. I do it everyday already, so yeah. 
If you want to check out the photos, all of them go up here (the full days worth, crappy ones and all) http://simplylifeasithappens.shutterfly.com/
Check it out if you want. Comment if you want. 

Friday, February 18, 2011

Sunshine, a Smile, a Cup of Coffee.
Ahh yes the little things in life.

The things that bring the smiles to a face.
The things that make someone giggle and laugh.

Yeah those are the important things.
The things that we need to remember.

Remember the little things people care about.
Strive and live for the little things.

They are the things that keep us going, surviving, living.
The things that make our days a lighter brighter.

Not everything has to be huge, or extravagant .
But when you find delight in something, take it to heart.
Let it mean something.

The joy experienced is important.
Keeps us going, alive, real.

Feel it.
Live it.
Find the moments.
The things.

It's only sweet when we allow it.

Thursday, February 17, 2011



I'm doing it

You handed me a challenge

"Pick up your camera and shoot. 100 a day. No deleting until 100 has been taken. Capture a moment. Capture the world you see. The world you see with your photographers eye. Part two... write something everyday. Just write."

Yup this shall be interesting, enjoyable, yet a challenge.

Ready Set Go

Press on. Go for it.
I love this. I honestly think it is one of my best photos ever. Could be better, but yeah I like it.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Thought/idea I got today.

What if I started doing my writing (the writing I do on paper) in crayon?
How cool would that be?
I think it would add something, and make it even smidge more me.
Ahh just a though, who knows. I will try it out and see how it goes, or use it on certain things, or yeah.

Creativity... sometimes it works in my world sometimes not.
We shall see :)

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Starts with a flame

A flame of:


Something so small, can start something huge.
Change a persons life.
Change the way we see someone or something.

It has potential to start something amazing.
Or something disastrous.

When those flames in your heart or mind start to burn.

If its positive...
Embrace it
Live it
Let a wildfire start in you. 

If its negative...
Find a way to blow it out
Find the thing that over rides it

We are destined for great things. 
God has a purpose for each and everyone of us.
We need to find and embrace the things that God places in our lives. 
Cause you never know when you will find a flame that sets your life on fire.

  Open up

Tell all

Find that person

Give them your life

Your heart

Your soul

Never shut them out

  Be cautious though

Sometimes someone isn't always in a place themselves to have you bare all

Sometimes reaching for someone will hurt

Reaching for the wrong person

Can hurt you

And that person.

   Never give up on yourself

Or others

This thing called life

Is a roller coaster

Its a ride

Take it

As is

Embrace the good

Push through the hard

   It never stays the same

Unless you choose to keep it the same.

~New Life Rises From The Ashes~

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Miraculous is what I would call it.

This life I live. 

It has its ups and downs.

It has its love hate relationships.

It has people I can't live without.

It has people I could do without.

Its something new everyday

But so much the same week by week.

Never can I express how much a tid bit of information can change a person

Words spoken, can slowly kill a person

Or make them stronger

Actions and decisions made

May or may not change you forever. 

But it adds impact.

It makes it a part of you.

Life is worth living. 

Bitter-sweet as it is.

You can't enjoy the good without the bad.

Perspective is everything.

Make choices

Make decisions

Love the people you love 

Say it, even if they don't believe it

Cause maybe someday they will.

To much to give up

Even if you have nothing

You mean something to someone.

No matter how your life is or looks like

No matter what their life is or looks like

Sometimes we need to let people find themselves before they can truly show how much others mean to them.

Sometimes life discovery for one person comes during a storm for another

That doesn't change how they feel

Things may not look neat or put together

Or go your way

Or give you a break

But live through the storm

Daylight will come

All will be right




Thursday, February 10, 2011


Oh my gosh I hate being sick.
I cant even tell you the last time I felt this miserable.

I do have to say though other then my headaches that I get, I don't get sick often anymore.
Cause growing up, I was sick all the time. Between my skin, and immune system sucking... I never felt good.

So thankfully I am pretty much over that. My skin is halfway decent most of the time now too. When and if I get sick, it may take me down, but you know I would rather be sick for a couple days every once and while, rather then most of my days.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Pink (P!nk) - Fuckin' Perfect (Music Video) HQ [2011 *NEW*]

Ok... I know bad word...
Listen... really listen... take it in.
It hits hard.
Its a great song/message.

Plan on a post later about my thoughts.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Facing it all

The life I live

It's honesty that counts

It's love that makes it all real

Face it

I can't always be right
Nor always wrong

A truth that has no words

Can't explain it

How do I say it

A mistake made in the past

Reliving itself

I live in that choice

God forgave me once
Will he again

Of course

Will you?

It was stupid

It is not a way to cope


But real

Tomorrow is a new day

A moment of hurt

Won't bring me down forever

Cause remember

New Life Rises From The Ashes

Friday, February 4, 2011

Make It or Break It

Some days I feel like school can't come fast enough. But moments where it seems to be coming to fast...

I have things that I want to just avoid.
I can't avoid that stuff though.
It will all just bit me in the butt later on.
I want to run. Want to hide.

Conversations that need to take place,
Conversations that scares the heck out of me.
I don't want to be made out to be the bad guy.
Or made out to be selfish.

Communication is one thing I'm working on.
Getting better at?
But I don't seem strong enough to always do it right.
Or at all.

Decisions to be made.
I don't want to be made out selfish.
I don't want to do it for the wrong reasons.

There are things right now that if the just worked themselves out without me,
I would be content.
But they aren't going to work themselves out.
I may just have to be the one to make the break through.
I may be the one to make things click.
The things may not be my problems.
But if I go in with a whole lot of Christ in me.
And a whole lot of knowing I can do it.
In the big picture.
I may help save it.

How and why does it seem I have to be the one to save this.
How am I strong enough?
Am I really strong enough, got it figured out enough?
Is this God's plan and purpose for my life right now.
Where will this lead me to?

All I want is God's plan/will for my life.
But I am such a stubborn selfish sinner,
Who is so scared to think what the people think.
I don't want to hurt anyone.
I would rather want to take the hurt upon myself, just stirve and be stretched until I am about to break
Before I hurt anyone else.

Selfish much?
Prideful much?
Stubborn enough?

So here is my surrender to God.

I want to be what I have to be.
I need to be filled with Christ.
I need to figure it out.
Find the words. 
Trust enough.
Be brave.
Live obediently.
Do what I have to do.
Strive forth.
Step out.
Be a strong.

All I want is things to be fixed.
And it seems to be that I am going to be the one to kick start it.
I can't fix the things of the people around me.
But I can/need to love them enough to be truthful.
To get the communication going.
No matter how much it scares me.

God's got me


Alright here I am writing this, becuase although I have been on a writing kick, I want to know what some of you would like to see me write. I want to be challenged, challenged in what I know, how I can write, and so on. So if there is something that you have bring it, and I will try my best at working with it.

I will continue to write whatever pops into my head. But yeah.

Monday, January 31, 2011


Thank you Dictionary.com :)



a technique of depicting volumes and spatial relationships ona flat surface. Compare aerial perspectivelinear perspective.
a picture employing this technique, esp. one in which it isprominent: an architect's perspective of a house.
a visible scene, esp. one extending to a distance; vista: aperspective on the main axis of an estate.
the state of existing in space before the eye: The elevationslook all right, but the building's composition is a failure inperspective.
the state of one's ideas, the facts known to one, etc., inhaving a meaningful interrelationship: You have to live herea few years to see local conditions in perspective.
the faculty of seeing all the relevant data in a meaningfulrelationship: Your data is admirably detailed but it lacksperspective.
a mental view or prospect: the dismal perspective ofterminally ill patients. 

Life is all about perspective. (To piggy back off my last post about choices and decisions...)

We get to pick how we view the world. 
We can choose or decide to view it as unfair, or whatever.
We can also choose or decide to view it as there is a reason for everything. 

Life comes at us, and sometimes comes at us hard.

We are sinful people in tempting, sinful, fallen world. 
God never said it was going to be easy go lucky. 

Sure we can focus on all the crap and junk. But then we are signing ourselves up for bitterness, anger, frustration, hurt, etc.
We can also focus on the good parts of life. 
Yes focusing ourselves on the good, it's something that really needs to be practiced. 

Life is bitter sweet.
We cannot enjoy the good, without the bad. 

We can't lean on HIM, 
Trust HIM, 
Grow in HIM,
Live for HIM 
If we are always being debbie downer.

Our trials are not to bring us down, but to bring us up in HIM.
We have the right to question HIM.
We have the right to ask HIM what is going on in our life. Why things are happing, what is the purpose for things. We have that right. 
We may not always get the answer that we want. But we need to take the answers we do get and take them as is. 

Back to perspective.... Ha
Well it is our perspective to look at life in a way that brings joy, or we can take it with an F off attitude. 
We all have our moments. But really life is good. Life is a chance to be something.
There is always something in your life that could be worse. 
There will always be things that we can't explain. But God's got it. 
He's got us. 
We need to view this life as a time of joy, and a time to learn what it means to live like HIM. 
Perspective on life, love, Christ, etc. It's a world of difference when there is a bad attitude or perspective, compared to a good, reasonable, accepting one. 

(Ok I feel like I rambled and made no sense in this post... sorry if thats how you viewed/read it.)