About Me

My photo
Life has it's highs and lows. Embrace it. Live It. Push through. Find the Joy, the Laughter, the Smiles. The little things are the things that bring the most joy. New Life Rises From The Ashes. ~ <3 ~

Friday, December 17, 2010

Friday, December 10, 2010


I know I just started sponsoring little man (Farouk,) and have yet to receive anything, about him or from him.
But I love him. I love him hard. God told me to do this, God is giving me this love for him (not that I wouldn't, cause you know kids are my thing and loving them is what I do.) But I love him hard, every part of me. I see his picture and I smile, my heart jumps for joy.

His smile and eyes capture me in a moment of intense love. He is "mine" (well he is God's but, God let me have him.) By my obedience to a God who calls me His. I get to love hard on Farouk. I get to be something to Farouk  I get to show Christ love to him, by loving him personally. I may never meet him, hold him, see him personally. But I get to love him. That is the most incredible feeling ever.

He is a big part of my life now. He is a representation of my life "change." He is one of the biggest blessings of my life. I want to bless him, but I know it's going to be the other way. He is going to bless me more then I could ever imagine.

I'm going to say it again, I love him and love him hard. God loves him, God loves me, God loves you.
He is real, He is powerful, He is loving and living, and gracious.

My Own Little World - Matthew West + Lyrics


having little or no concern for oneself, esp. with regard to fame, position, money, etc.; unselfish.

Dear Santa

So my year hasn't been anything to exciting. There were moments and events, but mostly just another year of work, HA
But also building relationships, discovering who I am, being a better version of myself. Someone who is so in love and loved by Christ that it shows. It shows by the way I treat/see myself. Shows by how I treat others. Shows by me just in general having a lighter spirit, and not so worried/wound up. Free to be me, free to love and be loved by myself, and by others.
I want to view the world differently. Its an open book. It has a place for me. I want and know I am meant for something great. I want to find that purpose. Find what it is I am created for. What I am meant to be, and whose lives are in for the ride, and whose lives will be impacted because of God's purpose and plan for me.
I want my friends and family, and in general everyone to be happy, at peace, trusting that Christ wont steer them wrong, To know that there is nothing we cannot handle with out HIM.
Life is short we need to live, and love. Thats how I want to live, by actually living and actually loving and being loved. I want others to want that for themselves.

So, I hope in the next year I can be better. Better, not because of me, but because of Christ in me.
I want this Christmas/year to be full of laughter, love, joy, and peace. Let it be a Christmas/year that is so Christ centered, and amazing that we can stand firm on Him, and live. To learn something new, to step out, be different and great.
I get to move away, start a new chapter, fulfill something I want. But all in knowing I have great friends and family who love and support me. Who are there for me for whatever.

This has been the best couple weeks of my life, and I want it to carry over, and continue throughout the years.

Its time to end this year and start the next. I want it to be right, I want to be ready for it. And I think I am.


Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Come As You Are

Yesterday, when puklling into church. I read the big light up sign thing, as it had the slide that says "come as you are." Here is the conversation with my mom that followed:

Me: "So I can come in my underwear?"
Mom: "well I guess, if thats how you were no one could really say anything."
Me: "sweet, I'm going to do it sometime"
Mom: "riggghht Beth"
Me: "hahahaha they couldn't say anything, if thats how I want to be, and thats how I come, they can't say anything."
Mom: "ok Beth, you do that."
Me: "yeah right, like I would ever actually come in my underwear"

Something along those lines anyway.... HAHAHAHAHA

Oh my gosh it was so funny.

Which oddly enough it ties into the conversation that happened on saturday, about getting dressed for church and how underwear is a must wear. But who made that rule, esp if you can "come as you are"

HAHAHA I love it.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

World Vision

Well I did it. I finally obeyed God and started sponsoring a child.

I have always pondered on the the thought, but was convicted about two months ago when I got my lip pierced, that I need to support a child.
It was one of those things where God said if I can go and spend $30 to put a hole in my lip, I can spend $35/month on a kid who could use it.

Well in the two months I have been meaning to do it, but kept putting it off. Well the other night I finally went on the site to choose a kid. I know I wanted to support a little boy in Nicaragua. So thats what I did. I
Today I went to the bank to make sure I had the money in my checking to be able to support him for this month. Which in just going to the bank part of me almost didn't. Part of me said no this can't be what I have to do, I now have college to save for, and such. But I knew I had to do it, hello, God said to do it, I can't not listen to Him. I have to trust and obey Him.

So I did it, I started sponsoring Farouk :)
He is 3 years old, his bday is Feb 14, 2007. He is in Managua, Nicaragua
And he is so stinkin' adorable.

I am super excited :)

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Chrissy-Poo aka Chris

My brother Chris is in a band (Hail the King (check um out on myspace)) They are a hardcore/metalcore band. Yeah generally not my type of music. But hey, he loves it, he is passionate about drumming and music, so I give him great big props :)

I went to one of his shows that they played last night. Which wow, can we say I felt like a misfit being there. But that didn't matter. I was there for my brother. I wanted to support him, show him I love, and care about him and his passions/dreams.

I left that concert so stinkin' proud of him. I may not generally like that type of music, but I respect it. And I may be bias on this, but I don't really think that is it. But they are good, like legit, good. I was shocked, amazed, really actually enjoyed it. He kicked A at drumming, the band did awesome. It was all around awesome. Again so stinkin' proud of him.

I just hope that he knows it, know how much I love him. How much I care about him. How much I respect him. How much I want him to keep on with his hope/dreams/passions/goals. Whatever they are. I want him to know that I will be there for him in whatever he has a hope/dream/passion/goal for. I want him to live a life that is meaningful. A life he can say he has actually lived.

He is a great kid. Yeah he can be a stupid high school boy sometimes. But that doesn't define him. He is awesome, and amazing. I am super excited about the relationship him and I have. We spent so many years of our lives hating and I mean hating each other. But now, we are pretty much best friends. We trust each other, we love each other, we respect each other, we don't judge each other. It's probably one of the greatest things I will ever have.

All in all I love Chris. He is pretty much one of the coolest, lovable, talented people I know.

Saturday, December 4, 2010


So while watching the movie Changeling I had a lot of moments where I was weirded out, moments of thinking OH MY GOSH, moments of sadness, moments of some type of joy, etc. But I also had moments where I really put my "Jesus Goggles" on. There was a part in it where this guy (don't want to ruin it for anyone) that was talking about going to Heaven and or Hell, being forgiven, and getting to that place. Well I agreed but disagreed. I had a huge part of me going in my brain saying "yes, but there is sooooo much more to it then that, so much that you don't understand. AHH"

It's a good but weird movie. If you have seen it, would like to hear what you think. If you haven't seen it, its something I loosely recommend. It's intense.


I have never been a reader. Never. I mean I read when I had to (generally) but usually I hated it.

Well the last week or so now, I have turned into a reading addict. Oh my gosh, its crazy, I can't get enough.
And it is mostly my Bible I can't get enough of.

I love it. I love love love spending time in The Word. Finding new things, challenging myself, letting God to teach me. I have read a big chunk of the New Testament in one week, because I just have a hard time stopping, and when I have to stop because I have to go somewhere or do something, it's slightly disappointing.

It's not just the Bible I am enjoying reading, I am actually enjoying book books.... weird. LOL
So book suggestions, I'm open to them :) "hit" me with them. Let do this. HAHAHA

It's Starting

Well IT is starting.

I got accepted to the school I want to go to. I'm really getting to live out something that I wanted. I seriously wanted this soooooo bad. When I got that letter I flipped, I am so excited, like legit. No matter what, I'm excited.

It hit me tonight, that I will be moving, moving away from home, family, friends, this life I have here.

But I get to go and be who I want to be, be the person God has in store for me. I won't know anyone (which is and terrifying and exciting all in one.) I get to live ing a whole new way.

I am at a place in my life right now where my faith walk is so intense, so strong and real. I am seeing things I have never seen before. I feel different things that I have never felt. Things are so awesome. Yeah there are still struggles, but thats life. I have Christ. He is amazing. He has filled me in every way. I like who I am, I see myself differently. I see the impact I have on life, I see the beauty that is in me. I see the potential and purpose for my life. I see how I am loved/lovable. I see more then I ever have. God has opened my eyes, my heart, and my life.
It's indescribable.  I love it.

The school thing is total surrender to Christ. I trusted Him and His will for it, and I wanted my wanting to meet His will. And so far, it is.

I am so flippin' excited for the things that are have happened lately, are happening, and will happen.

I am a new creation in Christ. His love, grace, mercy, generosity, trust, etc is AMAZING. and I get to live it, live in Him, be like Him.

Yo Gabba Gabba

Alright this post is just dirty and wrong. But it has to be written.

Anyone with kids, anyone who knows Yo Gabba Gabba, etc.

The big red thing (Muno) Ok he doesn't look right. He looks, and please God and everyone else forgive me for this... but he looks like a big sex toy, or a penis. Which ever you want to say. Oh my gosh. Its crazy, and stupid, and wrong. But SERIOUSLY????? Yeah... oh Lord help us all...

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Guess Who is Going to College


I'm got accepted to Mankato State University.
I am so excited. I am stoked that I actually got in. AHHH YAY

Monday, November 29, 2010

Post It

I have a habit of saying "way to go champ, gold star" well since I say that so much I wanted to actually buy gold star stickers. However I never got around to it, cause the new Wal-Mart makes me freak and I never remember what I went there to get. and the one time I did remember, I couldn't find them.

Well anyway. I got a little surprise on saturday morning, when some awesome friend left me a little present in my car. Well she left me gold (and other colors) star stickers, as well as yellow and orange star post it notes. I was pretty stoked to say the least. Brought a big smile to my face.

So now I have these post it notes, which well what do I do with them???
I decided that I was going to write Bible verses on them, then stick them to my mirror that I use when I get ready. I figured, I could get a little bit of God encouragement while getting ready.

I love it, I have had so much fun digging in The Word to find verses so far, and can't wait to continue (having a hard time with the fact that I am working on some other stuff, and not doing that, cause I love being in my Bible.)

I think it is one of the coolest things I have done, to help me be in The Word, and help me with my life.

See It

If you could portray the world as you wanted. Color it the way you saw it.
How would it look.
What would be specific, and special?
What part of it would make it you? How would you leave your mark?
How would you want others to see what you see?
How would the world look if we all took our piece, our view, and our mark on the world, put them together.
Just picture, if everyones something special was taken and put together...

Saturday, November 27, 2010


Sometimes there are no words.
I go through phases of blogging. I write a bunch, or I am on and off, or not writing at all. Lately I have had a dry spell. I haven't had anything to write, nothing thought provoking, something that has to be written, or something that has enough to write about.
It actually bugs me that I have gone through this dry writing spell. Cause I really enjoy writing on here. I may not be a "writer", or anywhere near being good at writing, or really want to be a "writer," but I actually enjoy writing on here, making a mark, and getting some thoughts out. Words are not my thing. Writing properly or in a way that makes sense isn't either. But here I am, spewing my brains and thoughts out on a blog. Which from what I hear, people like my blog. Why not sure, but hey. It's real, and it's me. I hope that its is good enough.
So now that I got to post something, I want to post more, but I got nothing....

Saturday, November 6, 2010

My Hope...

So I have this hope, I hope that to any kids that come into and along with me in my life, that I can make a difference. I hope that I can have a cool enough relationship with them, where they can come to me and trust me with anything. I hope that I can be someone they can consider to be like a sister. I really truly care for kids (well people in general.) There are a handful of kids right now in my life that I really hope they know how much I love them, and if they have something going on, unsure of who they can go to, not sure what to do, I hope they know they can come to me, and I will do my absolute best to help, but for sure to be a listening, caring someone they can come to openly. I don't need to know everything, but if I can be someone that can listen, be trusted, and looked up to; awesome, I have done my job. Which more and more, I am realizing that this is probably my biggest passion. I am a listener, I am a caring spirit, I have a servants heart.
This is one reason I really need to get my self back to being Christ centered. I need to have my focus set, in order to help the one's I love be focused better, or be a light to others.

One thing with this is I have always wanted to be a part of the Big Brother/Big Sister program. I think it would be amazing, and something that is something that I could maybe be good at??? lol

Beautiful by Mercy Me....

So this song hits me HARD:

Days will come when you don't have the strength
And all you hear is you're not worth anything 
Wondering if you ever could be loved
And if they truly saw your heart 
They'd see too much

You're beautiful, You're beautiful
You are made for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful, You're beautiful
You are treasured, you are sacred, you are His
You're beautiful

Praying that you have the heart to fight 
Cuz you are more than what is hurting you tonight
For all the lies you've held inside so long
But they are nothing in the shadow of the cross

You're beautiful, You're beautiful
You are made for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful, You're beautiful
You are treasured, you are sacred, you are His
You're beautiful

Before you ever took a breath
Long before the world began
Of all the wonders He possessed
There was one more precious
Of all the earth and skies above
You're the one He madly loves
Enough to die!

You're beautiful, You're beautiful
In His eyes

You're beautiful!
You are made for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful!
You are treasured, you are sacred, you are His
You're beautiful!
You are made for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful!
You are treasured
You are sacred
You are His

Friday, November 5, 2010

A Few Verses From This Past Week

1 Peter 3:3&4
"Don't be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hair styles, expensive jewelery, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourself instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle, and quite spirit, which is so precious to God."

Romans 8:6
"So letting your sinful nature control your mind, leads to death. But letting the spirit control your mind leads to life and peace."

Romans 8:26 (first "half")
"And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness."

1 Timothy 1:7
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self discipline."

Psalm 91:2
"This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; He is my God, and I trust Him."


So you know everyone needs to have dreams. Well I have some, but I avoid trying to even consider reaching them. Well yesterday I was thinking of some past dreams that I have had. And I realized there are a few that I still really want to make happen, but not sure how to make it happen.
One is drama... no not like the teenage girl life is horrible drama, but like the acting type of drama... I always loved doing that, and I was in this thing at Elmbrook that we put on skits and performances for a bunch of things. It was one of the most fun things I have ever done. I never wanted to give it up, but I hit the point of I was to old to be in that thing, and we also started to attend FRCC. Well I have tried to pursue doing Kidftuf drama, and I have tried to talk to someone about it a few times, and they have not really given me the time or day for it. I get it, I'm not one of the cool people around, but still, I have wanted to do it since I have been around FRCC, and since I have known about Kidstuf. But yeah... I'm not sure how to pursue this dream. I don't even know how good at it I am or ever was. So is it worth trying to pursue?

Another one that has never gone away, I just got down on myself for, and a couple other reasons, but its photography. I love it, I love capturing a moment, I love using the little bit of creativity that I have. I know for the most part how to pursue this one. It's just a matter of getting there, and working on it.

And then there is the oh so typical dream of getting married and having kids. Cause really it is my biggest dream of all. That one is just a matter of waiting for God's timing.

It has been a long time since I have thought about my dreams. I have such a fear of failure, and letting others and myself down that I gave up on thinking about them, or even continuing to dream. It's not something that anyone should do. How does someone become so hurt/discouraged to not even dream? Oh wait I know (kinda)...
But yeah, I am really working on God centered, confirmed words/thoughts.

Friday, October 29, 2010

Alone Time

I have been thinking and feeling a pull that I need to take a weekend, and spend it with God. Go somewhere, and be "alone" physically, but Really have it just be God and I. I need to find a place to go, a place that God will just show Himself to me, and I can fall on my knees and be in a Holy place, praising Him, loving Him, being real to myself and Him. I just don't know where I could go and do this. And the fact that I want to do this is crazy, puts even a little anxiety and fear in me, cause I hate being alone. I need suggestions. I need to figure out where I am to meet Him.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Define It

Relience on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc of a person or thing; confidence.

The quality or state of being strong

Honesty, fairness, or integrity in one's beliefs and actions.

The feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best.

Confidence or trust in a person or thing.

-A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
-A feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, friend.

To cause mental pain to, offend or grieve.

To undergo or feel pain or distress.

The quality or condition of being humble, modest opinion or estimate of one's own importance, rank, etc.

Close Friends

So every morning I get time to read, and think, pray, whatever... its fabulous. But this morning thoughts of my friends came about, ok well I think about my friends and family all the time, but today I was thinking about the close friends I have, and have had.
Well as I was thinking, I realized when I start to get close to someone I freak out. Don't get me wrong, I love my friendships, I need them in my life. But I really have noticed that I freak out when I start getting super close to someone. Why, not sure. Maybe cause I have been burned a few to many times, maybe cause it puts a fine line on getting hurt, or me hurting someone. Cause I think I have a tendency to hurt people, and I also have a tendency to get hurt very easily.
Which I think in saying that, I think it puts an effect on my walk with Christ. I know people have sinful nature, and I know I can always trust and count on Christ, but if I get burned by people, it leaves a hurt. Dude I am still hurt by someone who burned me in elementary school... ugh can anyone say get over it Beth... lol
I guess I just need to get over this, and figure out not everyone is going to burn me, not everyone is going to hurt/cut me down. Another thing to work on ME. Trust, its a huge deal to me.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Heart Full of Joy

Today my family and I went to the church we use to go to when we lived in Milwaukee. When walking in I felt so comfortable, and something inside me felt right. I was super excited.
Afterward they had this lunch, and we were talking to someone, and about the new things that are going on at the church and how things have really changed. Well in hearing all this, I was overcome with joy, and excitement. Awesome and amazing things are happening there. They are a school to 150 inner city kids, and just hearing the things they are doing, and working on there is awesome. I was in Aww. When it comes to kids we all know that is where my heart is at. This just confirmed it more. But these kids are getting an education, and a Christian education at that. They have people loving on them. They are enjoying and looking forward to sunday school, and such. I was so encouraged. I want to be a part of it. I want to help be a part of kids lives, make a difference for them, but be a light for Christ, and make a Christ-like impression. Cause it's not about me. It's Christ. I want to keep on loving others through Christ. I want Christ to keep showing me what I am meant for. How he wants to use me.
This morning was amazing, I cant even express the feelings I had. I was restless with joy/love/excitement/etc. I am super excited that a place that was/still feels like home to me (granted we stopped going when we moved when I was 3) is doing amazing thing in kids lives, for Christ!!!!!!

Forgive and...

So we have always been told to forgive and forget right. But still learn from the experience. Well what if you forgive, but still make joke of it, is it really bitterness and anger coming out? In my cause I think it is. I can forgive, but I then turn around and make a joke out of it to everyone else other then the person I forgave. I avoid the situation.

I have been told by someone that I have bad influences in my life....UM WHAT???? yeah, well I apparently make bad choices, spend to much time with people that are causing me to stumble... so on. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA so flippin' funny is what I have come to decide.
First off, everyone makes a few bad choices in their life. We live and we learn, we seek God for wisdom, direction, and forgiveness when we make a stupid choice. My stupid choice, God has forgiven, most people have forgiven me (most of the people that really matter.)
Second ummm ok, I spend most of my time these days working. My friends ARE NOT bad influences. They are the one's who keep me in check with how I am doing with my walk with the Lord. I have one person who is meeting with me once a week, studying with me, another person (actually even 2) who is asking some of the hard questions that I need to be asked, so I can get all the junk I have shoved away out. If these are bad influences then hmmm I'm not sure what I should do.

This has been all one big ball of crazy, I have been told a few times that I really need to start looking at this one friendship in particular, look at how the person makes me feel, how they treat me, etc. I can't keep getting hurt, and getting in low spots because of this person.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Life Isn't Fair

Life isn't fair, gotta get that through. Friends bit you in the butt, satan attacks hard, life is rough sometimes. But thankfully for me I can depend on Christ to be my rock and solid ground. I can't always please people, and nor should I have to work to always, always please them. I need to focus on my relationship with Christ, work on fixing my heart, trusting in God to help fix my heart, have my heart and mind right with God, and to please God.
Im a broken person, who can feel satan attacking, but at the same time God fighting back. Its actually a crazy thing to feel. I trust Christ, not going to let satan win this. I am staying strong through Christ. Plus I have some awesome friends that are reassuring (which helps too)

Sunday, October 3, 2010


Everyone needs to feel special. Everyone has to have a purpose, a reason for being, a significance to others.

Me; this week has brought a lot of question to all that. What makes me special, what in tarnations could my purpose even be close to, do I even have meaning and significance in other peoples lives? Really truly, do I?

What have I done for anyone? I really am just a pain in the butt.

Ugh I hate being in this low place... Why do I get here?

Wednesday, September 29, 2010


So its just been a crappy week, esp today.

So right now, I am going to read my Bible, spend time with my Almighty God, have an amazing smelling candle burning, and working on melting the worries away to a safe location. I just need this week to be over. In more ways then one. One is it means the crappy week is over, and I can focus on a good one for next week. As well as SAM HELM COMES HOME for the weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ahhh I miss her, love her, and cannot wait to see her. I am also being kidnapped away by some friends, women's conference friday and saturday, and Tenth Ave North/Addison Road concert saturday :) YAY its going to be a good weekend. I just can't let the crappy take over. So dear friday, just get here already!!!!!

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

A Friends Told Me...

"If you never risk telling the people you fall in love with you'll never know if they've fallen in love back. Maybe the other person is just waiting too. It's better to feel dumb for a few minutes than to wonder for a lifetime." -JG

~Oh does this hit hard. I need to figure out what I have to do. Well I know what I have to do, I don't know how to do it. I care so much, and I have so many feelings. Rejection is one of my biggest fears. Loosing one of my best friends is another big fear. If I tell him how I feel. I risk both. I am already "loosing" him since he is going away for 5 year. Does that mean I tell him, he says the same thing and then I wait/have a long distance relationship. Who knows what the next 5 years bring to the plate for both him and I. If I tell him, and he doesn't feel the same way well her will be gone, and well I have those years to move on. But would that effect the last month I have with him being here?
I just want/need to know what to do. I just wish God would give me a big clear sign of what in the world I have to do. I have never felt this way about anyone. NEVER! Just typing this is making my heart all flustered, giddy, worried, etc. I just want to be smart about it all. I need to know what to do.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Little Jesus and Teenage Jesus

SO last night, at work Melissa and I were having a convo about the whole there is nothing in the bible about Jesus growing up, other then when it says he was 12 teaching in the temple. She asked me why that is. Was he just a normal kid and teenager? Honestly I could not give her a good answer. I tried, and I told her this is my opinion, my total guess at why. I really couldn't be the one to truly tell you and know if its right. But here is what I said (agree with me, or disagree, whatever. I am in a learning realm of my life/walk, so I would love to hear the "truth" about it.)

Anywho... SO I said well there was a huge significance in His birth. But His growing up was just normal. The whole teaching in the temple at 12 I think that was part where He started to realize that there was something unique about Himself. But after that again I would just think it was normal teenage years. It also wasn't the time for him to start his ministry, and do what He was placed on the earth to do.

I also asked this question on Yahoo answers. Of course I got the stupid dumb butt remarks. But I also got a couple good answers.


This question and convo really got me excited about being able to dig deeper and look for answers, and for more to what I know.

Please let me know what your thoughts are.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Oh How Children Make Me Smile =D

So today has been a great day, just nothing to complain about.
Well I was on the phone with Melissa today, asking her a serious question. And then as we were talking she says hold on Andrew wants to talk to you... so he comes on and asks me to come over and play Wii with them. S well I get Jayden from school, and we head over to play for a bit. Well as we had to leave, I am starting to pull out, Andrew yells to me "Wait..." runs over to my side of the car and says "I love you" then runs off :) totally made me smile.
Then tonight, I had to work. Well we didn't have to many kids, so a few of us workers got to leave. Well since the New Tribe girls rode together, it just was easier if I left. But there was a girl in the room who I played with last week, and again this week while I was in the room. So when I made the decision that I would just go, no big deal... she was attached to me. I told her I had to go home, and she was like "no, you have to stay here, and then come home with me." Oh my gosh it made me laugh and smile.

It just goes to show that I apparently do make a difference, and kids love me. I'm glad that I can have that, and that I mean something. It is constantly encouraging me.

and today(friday) I took the kids to the park, and Dash sits in the swing next to me and says, "Beth I love you very much"

Monday, September 20, 2010

Romans 2

So this week is my second week of reading Romans.

Today, as I was reading I had a total AHA God teaching moment:

-Vs. 16: "and this is the message I proclaim - that the day is coming when God, through Christ Jesus, will judge everyone's secret life."

This got me onto thinking what is in my secret life.

-Vs. 20 "You think you can instruct the ignorant and teach children the ways of God. For you are certain that Gods law gives you complete knowledge and truth."

This lead to me thinking well I am one kids look up to, I teach them. How can i teach them the ways of God when/if I have things that are in my "secret life."

-Vs 29: " No, a true Jew is one whose heart is right with God."

When I have things that are present in my life that are creating a "secret life" I don't have my heart and my focus right/set on God. Those thing filling my heart. I need to get those things out, and have God fill my heart 100%.
Allowing for my heart to be right with God. Then I am right to be able to teach others, teach children, and be a light to others.

-End of vs 29: "And a person with a changed heart seeks praise from God, not from people."

The things that are filling my heart and creating a "secret life" are coming from looking for praise and being accepted by people. I should be keeping focused on God, and again with a heart that is right with God, seeking praise from God is what is important. I should be wanting to please Him, and having Him be satisfied with me.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Improve My Life

So I am at a point in my life, where I am ready/wanting/willing to improve my life. I am working on improving it Spiritually, Emotionally/Mentally, and Physically. Note that I have said improve, not change. I don't need change, I just need to make it a bit better. My life is great, I have Christ, I have a family that loves me/each other, I have some of the greatest friends ever, I have a ton of people who trust me/respect me, kids look up to me, etc. I have a lot to be thankful for. Thing may not always go accordingly, but to whose standards are they not going accordingly to... mine. I know all happens for a reason. Life isn't messed up, going wrong, or horrible. Life is in God's hands, God's time.

Improving Spiritually: I am working on getting better at getting into my Bible, reading what God has to say. Looking for a church to help teach me, and be a place I can go. It is possible I may return to FRCC, but I need to spread my wings a bit. I have great friend who encourage me and help me. I also have Shelley, being a mentor/accountability partner to help keep me on track with my reading, helping me to learn more, get the most out of what I am reading and learning. I thank God so much for Her putting in her time and energy into me.

Improving Emotionally/Mentally: I can be a "Debbie Downer" as you all know. Cranky, angry, sad, hurt, etc. But I can also be a blessed, happy go luck person too. I am like a bad roller coaster ride. Which I want to get off of. I want to be that blessed, happy go lucky person. I like that person in me. (This may sound prideful...) But that person is fun to be around.
Improving Physically: I am starting to think I am growing out of my eczema (not sure, but it has been doing well for a while now.) It has me wanting to improve more of me. I want to feel comfortable in the body I have. I want to be in better health. Though I may not be huge, I could loose a few LBs :) So I am doing Zumba at church, and waling and exercising more. Not to mention I LOVE Zumba, and my walks. I love how when I do that stuff, it makes me feel better. Kick in adrenaline and endorphins, and I am positive, and ready to take on the world (which I know I can't do but I can take on myself, and work toward the improvement that I want to have in my life.)

All in all I want to be a better Beth. Not a different Beth, just a better more enjoyable one :)

Sunday, September 5, 2010

I suffer from being jealous of everyone around me... I think I also suffer from anger issue. I care to much about what others think of me. I worry about more than I should.

Let face it I have issues. Why in the world do people like me???

Friday, September 3, 2010


So am I going mad/crazy???
Here I am. 19yrs old. "suppose" to be in school, and not. I have gone to a church for about 5ish years now, been super involved, and such, and now leaving it all.
I feel like people are thinking I'm going crazy, or something dramatic has happened. but no. I really feel that God has this all in His plan for me. I feel right/content with taking this year, and finding who I am. Figuring out where I want to be for school, and getting there. Figuring out where I need to be to be able to grow stronger, learn more, and worship the God of my life. I need this to refocus on Him.
There are plenty of reasons I am leaving the church. Although it may be "sad" for some. I find it refreshing. (this may sound selfish) but to know that people would be sad that I'm gone, means I have made a difference. Maybe God is leading me out to find a new church to make a difference in. If so AWESOME :) But I know deep down that my worship and love for the Lord needs to be re-focused on. I want to be a woman who can say I love and serve Him, because I love Him so much, and that my heart is in check.

I just hope that in all this, I will have people's support. I may not get everyone's but I hope that the people who love and care enough for me, would support me, guide me, and really help keep my hear in check for the Lord.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Rascal Flatts - My Wish

SO this song played in the movie Letters to God, which I watched tonight. Great movie!!! Well tonight I also said my for real goodbye to my best friend. Lets just say I balled like a little girl. Which I guess is a good thing I was by myself when I cried, cause there were a lot of tear, and it was and emotional moment for me. Not to mention that the movie was a huge huge hue tear jerker...

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Girl Time

So we (Amy, Melissa, Sam and I) went out last night for some time with Sam before she goes away to school.
Let me tell you it was a great night. I had so much fun chatting, joking, laughing, being goofy with some Great Friends. After dinner we went over to target, and after the dramatic way of getting there, we were just super silly. Between me "kidnapping" Sam from Melissa. Then taking Melissa's keys and moving her van in the parking lot. Going to CVS, finding Melissa's favorite M&M's and then going over to her house unexpected, delivering them to her, and being wrapped in conversation, and once again just being silly.
I love nights like that. I need them.

1 Corinthians 15:58

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Melt My Heart

There is nothing more in this world that I love, then when someone says "I love you" to me. Esp if it is kids that I love so much.
Like today. Andrew has been kinda cranky. But somewhere in the mix of being sassy and cranky, he looks at me and says "Miss Beth, guess what... I love you." Totally out of the blue, totally melted my heart, and brought a smile to my face.

Its when I hear things like that, that make me know I make a difference, and that I am truly loved.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Too Funny

OK so Chris and I had to run to Pick N Save yesterday to get some stuff for tacos. Well we get to the store, and Chris really wants to buy cereal. So I have him call our parents to get their permission, because well it was their money we had. So he is on the phone and he specifically used the words "can I get a bag of cereal?" hahaha well so my dad says yes. and so we go to the cereal isle and he picks up a box of Reese's Puffs. At that point I had to pick on him, and say "ummm what are you doing? that is a box of cereal, you asked for a bag of cereal." Chris then was all like what does it matter. and then I was like you asked for a bag, not a box, plus the box is like a buck or so more then a bag. And he gets all defensive and starts saying that it doesn't matter, ect, and then tells me to give him my phone so he can call my dad again. I didn't let him. so I was like just get a bag... well he ended up getting the bag :) so i won :)
Anywho... So we continue this discussion/argument (which was all in fun, may I add. we were not actually arguing) down the diffenent isles. Well we go down the soda isle, and there is this lady and some other guy in the same isle. At this point Chris and I are kinda loud. And so the lady makes this smirk at me, and the guy just looked at us. well once we past them we noticed they were laughing (they were not together, *another side note.) We soo knew they were laughing at us. Not that we really cared, case this whole thing was out of fun, and just messing around with each other, although I was serious about the whole just get the lesser priced cereal. But he points out that they were laughing, and I was like oh well, they probably think we are some young poor couple who live together, and are out and about shopping. and Chris was like yeah probably. LOL

O my gosh it was so funny. Probably not as funny to read it as it is to witness it, or even hear the story out loud. But there you have it.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010


So I bought this cute little notebook to carry around with me to hopefully, maybe help me with my blogging situation that i have talked about in a previous post. It may not help, but hey its worth a shot, right???

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Ok so I had an amazing blog going in my head earlier. I was super excited about it. But now that am at my computer, I cant think of what it was even about. AHHHH do you know how many times that has happened to me. I hate it. I really need to keep a notebook with me at all times, but I always come up with stuff when I am working, or driving, or something where I don't have a computer, a notebook, or anything. And so when I sit down to write, or anything, its gone, and I have nothing. Booo, sad sad. if only I could remember things, i would have such thought provoking blogs like everyone else out there.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Well Here is Where I Stand

I made the decision to not go to school this semester maybe year. I am very content with it. However, I did apply to Mankato for next year. Just have to get a few things in(like transcripts and such) for that application. I can honestly say that with where I stand, and getting on top of applying, I am excited. I am once again excited to see what God has in store. For a while there I was horrified by the though of school, life, growing up, who I am, not knowing who I am, etc. I know what I truly want in my life, but God has not brought that to me, yet. And in the mean time I am taking this time to work, and as well as figure out what exactly I want for school. I feel that in the time, God will bring my ultimate want, but I cannot just stand by and wait. I need to be at least a little proactive and work on my life.

So in all, I just ask that you can keep me in prayers, as I figure things out

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Urban Dictionary Def of Love

The most spectacular,indescribable, deep euphoric feeling for someone. Love is an incredibly powerful word. When you're in love, you always want to be together, and when you're not, you're thinking about being together because you need that person and without them your life is incomplete. This love is unconditional affection with no limits or conditions: completely loving someone. It's when you trust the other with your life and when you would do anything for each other. When you love someone you want nothing more than for them to be truly happy no matter what it takes because that's how much you care about them and because their needs come before your own. You hide nothing of yourself and can tell the other anything because you know they accept you just the way you are and vice versa. It's when they're the last thing you think about before you go to sleep and when they're the first thing you think of when you wake up, the feeling that warms your heart and leaves you overcome by a feeling of serenity. Love involves wanting to show your affection and/or devotion to each other. It's the smile on your face you get when you're thinking about them and miss them. Love can make you do anything and sacrifice for what will be better in the end. Love is intense,and passionate. Everything seems brighter, happier and more wonderful when you're in love. If you find it, don't let it go.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Urban Dictionary

This is one of the definition of my name that Urban Dictionary has:

That girl who you just cant find anything to bitch about. Always really nice, but never too nice. Generally quite smart and can be blushingly nerdy, but the type of nerd that everyone loves. Has an awesomely wicked sense of humour that's so witty and can burn people to the ground. Someone everyone wants to be friends with.

Agree or Disagree???

Monday, August 2, 2010

I really need these anxiety attacks to stop. I am so sick of having them. And lately they have been getting worse. I feel trapped, stuck in trying to figure out who I am, what my life is meant for, what do I mean to others, etc. I need a whole lot of Jesus to lead me and strengthen me.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

There is this whole school thing. I feel so pressured into having to go. Don't get me wrong, I want to. but every time I think about it, I feel sick to my stomach. I feel sick thinking about paying for it, and how I will have no more time for things. It also makes me feel sick when I think about not going. What would I do if I don't?
I have put off registration because of this sick feeling. I have had gut wrenching feelings about it all. I have gone through being physically sick, and emotionally sick this last few weeks because of all this.
What do I do? Other then praying for God's strength and plan to help me through, where do I start?

Sunday, July 25, 2010


So what do you do when there is a boy that you like so much. You like him so much you would do anything for him. Even if that something was letting him go, setting feelings aside and being there for him.
Well my feelings for a boy keep on keeping on. I like him so much. And whenever I see him I get the butterflies. I get a smile on my face. I have honestly been able to picture my life with him. He is so awesome. I am so excited that he is my date for my brothers wedding. Part of me wants to tell him how I feel. But part of me doesn't. Because since he is going off to the Marines in a few months i don't want to ruin what we have before he goes. But then I want him to know. I don't want him to be gone, and not know. What's a girl to do? Do I tell him at the wedding? Do I tell him before he leaves? Do I not tell him at all? Do I wait, and whenever he is back home(which I think he is gone for like 5 years) see how I feel and then figure it out? I have no idea. I have on and off feelings for him for years now. And now the feelings are crazy, I've never felt this way. It makes me smile. AHHH being a girl is so silly sometimes.
I am so incredible proud of him for what he is doing. It makes me happy to see him so excited about doing this. He has been so smart in his decision. He has thought of the long run, his future, what joining will do for him. How he can do so much more later on. I know this is good for him. I know God is blessing him, and will be with him.

And yes, I know I am being a total girl. But hey, it happens.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Who Am I

OK this is one thing that I have always wondered, and will probably always wonder and ask. But "Who Am I"
I know I have a lot of things about me. But I just haven't found that notch in life.
I have always struggled with who I am. I have always been on and off of liking myself. And lately I have been hating myself. I noticed this today. I don't know what it is. I feel like I am bad at being me, and bad at the things in my life.
When it comes to my friends, I have a wide variety. I know who my best friends are, but I wonder, am I one of their best friends? Am I anyones best friend? Or am I just another friend to everyone.
I wonder if I make a difference to anyone. What is something I have done that has made an impact to someone, anyone.
What does my life mean? THere have been a few recent moments where I have almost come close to being in an accident that I could have been dead. Makes me think, why didn't it happen what is my purpose? Why do I exist? But I feel so lost and struggling with who I am that I have been scared.
Part of me knows its Satan, but really... Who Am I? What do I mean to anyone? What is my purpose?

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

What I am Learning

So in Nicaragua and since I have been back, God ha been teaching me a lot. Mostly things like loving Him fully, loving His people, to be more joyful in everything, trying not to complain about thing, and much more. I learned so much and had the greatest time in Nicaragua (more then I ever had in Poland.) Since I have been back I have been reading the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan. Oh my goodness it is one of the greatest books I have ever read. Just in the first few chapters God was teaching me. I can eve n tell there is a difference in me, a difference that I want to keep growing in.

Friday, June 25, 2010

if only I could post the 450 some odd number of pics from Nicaragua on my blog....

Oh the Joys...

Its funny how God uses the people in your life.
This is my "challenge" that I had last night....

SO there is a boy I like (I know, Im such a teenage girl) and we have been friends for years now. I have liked him on and off for most of our friendship. Well when I found out he was going to Nicaragua with the team I was stoke (again teenage girl lol.) I wasn't going to do anything about the fact that I like him, cause thats just weird, and I didn't want weird while on the trip or anytime for that matter.
On the day we were coming home (well were were in Chicago at this point now) we stopped and got some food. Well this boy and I went over to go get coffee. And we started to talk, and he brought up how he likes another girl that was on the trip, but wasn't sure if he should do something about it or if it would be weird since there a bit of an age gap. All while I am being a supportive friend and talking to him about it, and I am thinking man, I like you, this sucks to hear.
Well then again last night we were talking on FB about the same thing. And he said sorry for putting this all on you, and also said that I am one of the few people he can talk to about things. Well that hit me hard. I care so much about him, that I am willing to put my feelings aside, and let him talk to me about things like a girl he likes. He is one of my best friends, and I don't think I have ever seen that until this happened. I have always looked to him as a boy I like. But there is so much more then that. I care about him, and I would do anything for him. I will always be there, and with God's grace and help, willing to put aside my feelings. Cause its not about me.
I want to be the best friend I can be to him and to all of my friends.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

IM BACK!!!!!!!!!!

I had the greatest time of my life.

I plan on blogging more about it. But right now I cant think. So more to come in the next week.

God is great, and Im glad I had the chance to go

Sunday, June 13, 2010


YAY I am less then 24hrs away from leaving.

As I was driving home from church today I was listening to klove for the first time in a while. Two songs cam on and totally hit home to what this missions trip is about.
First one was Follow You by Leeland. Which has become the "theme" song for this trip. Our journal that Tracy put together has that theme, and it is such a cool way to look at what we are going to for Christ.
The second song was The Power of Your Name by Lincoln Brewster. This song in hearing it today, made me cry. It really put my focus in check, and I am so excited to be going and having this chance to be used in this way to go and make a difference in God's kingdom.

Monday, May 31, 2010

So does anyone else go to work and feel so hurt, and miserable about themselves? Cause if so, I feel for you. I am constantly feeling that no matter what I do is wrong. No matter what I do, I will never earn trust. No matter what, I am to messed up, irresponsible, immature, over emotional, etc. I feel so trapped in those feelings while I go to work. I know that I am not perfect and awesome, and that everything is not all about me. But really, can't I get a little respect, and gratitude? I do my best, and I care about doing my best and a good job. Satan has really been using one specific person to get these lies going in my head. I don't know what to do about it, because I am scared to death of this person, and I can never seem to approach them about anything.


I have been really noticing lately that I have a bunch of friends. They all are unique and have their own way of being my friend, but each one means so much to me. God has truly blessed me with them all. I love my friends.

I learned in communications class that you can only have a deep meaningful relationship with about 4-6 people. Which I have noticed that to be true. As much as I have a bunch of friends, I can say that I have about that average of true, close friendships. And honestly 2 of them I can see alway and forever being in that position. Because they are the top two relationships that I have that mean the most significant to me. Plus the fact that they are friend makes it even better :)

Now on to the topic of what happens when one of those close relationships seems to diminish. Two years of being super close, and one "rough patch", seemed to mess the rest of the way up, and seems to be slowly going away. Things just seem fuzzy, and just confusing. I understand we are both at points in our lives where things are changing, we are growing up to shape who we are for the future. But really...

And what about the whole one person who you have tried so hard to keep up with, be their friend through thick and thin. Through the lies, tear, hurt, and anger. The person who crosses a line that can't be undone. The person you just cannot seem to be able to help, because satan has got them so tight, that nothing in my human power can help. Is it the right thing to just be done with the person? Is it right to not want to put in any more effort? Especially after putting in over 5 years of effort? Is it wrong to just move one. Is it wrong to feel nothing for this person anymore, feel so cold and callous to the person, because you just cannot take it anymore?

*I have no idea what this was really suppose to be portrayed and focused at, but there you have it. LOL

Saturday, May 29, 2010


So I have been thinking about it lately... Church is no longer church/worship for me. It is work. I clean, do childcare and tech, along with other little small side activities that come about. If I'm not cleaning, I'm watching kids. If I'm not watching kids, I am running camera or directing. I am constantly doing something, that is not worship. I have been having a very difficult time being at church. I walk in the building and get a sick feeling. Sometimes the feeling is more then just sick, and a feeling that I hate having. I'm pretty sure that is not what should happen. And I don't know what needs to be done to change that. I have been starting to think that I am still at FRCC because thats where I work, it' where 98% of my friends are. What am I to do???

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Thought of the Day

If you took Jesus out of my life I would be a big mess of broken nothing-ness. Thanks to His grace, love, and forgiveness, I can live, and live a life of meaning.

Thought of the Day

If you took Jesus out of my life I would be a big mess of broken nothing-ness. Thanks to His grace, love, and forgiveness, I can live, and live a life of meaning.

Monday, April 26, 2010

What Kind of Mom am I??? (quiz on facebook) this is what I got

Hip Mom:

You are doing pretty good! You know that being a strong mom is important and that you aren't perfect! You can laugh and cry with your kids! You demand respect and set a certain standard for your kids to follow! You are the MOM of the Year!

Sunday, April 25, 2010

This week Satan has been nagging me, and just feeding me lies. Up until today, I have been able to not let it bother me so much. Cause he is a jerk, and I know that, but now tonight I feel alone, and like I don't matter to anyone. Which is a big fat lie, but why in the world is it bothering me?!?!? I hate this, I hate letting him get to me, I hate that I am so sensitive to things said about me or to me. He knows that I am easy to get to, and that bothers me more!!! AHHHHHH

Sunday, April 18, 2010

I like how you said it

I like how you said we can't not have each other in our lives. Cause it's true!!! I need you. I am a mess without you, and it hurts to much when your not there. Yes there are more people that mean a lot to us in our lives, and I think we both get jealous of each other for that fact. But I hope that no matter how close anyone is, you have one of the specialist places in my life.
I love you.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Cop Out

Why do people use God as a cop out of things?!?!?!? I understand that God has a will and God has a reason for everything, but I don't believe that every time someone says "I think God..." or "I feel God..." is always really God speaking. I defiantly feel that in the situation that has been handed to me this week, God has been used as the cop out.

But what do I know what God's will is, what do I know what is going to happen. All I know is that I do not feel God telling me the same thing.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

After having a CRAPPY crappy morning/early afternoon (which I have not felt that miserable in a LONNGG time.) I got a good cry out while cleaning the parking lot, which helped, and then I went and hung out with Melissa, which REAllY helped me. So thanks again Melissa :)
You never know when you will wake up one morning, and a very close friend no longer wants to be friends. It sucks to receive what I did this morning. Not a good way start off my day. Its a good thing the sun is shining, it is beautiful outside, and that I have other friends that are there for me.
even if loosing this friend I loos a couple more along with it. but o well... that is life. Right?

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Well Here We Are...

Well it is now April, nearing the end of the school year, and I have no idea what is going on for next year. I have a couple things I need to get in before hearing back from UW Stout. I have one more thing to do one my UW Whitewater application, and sending a few things for that. And well as far as my MN Mankato application, yeah I don't remember my password for that, and I have not been able to access it in a while. I feel so overwhelmed with this whole school thing again. I do not want to be at UW Waukesha next year. Not that its a bad school, I just don't feel content there. I know I need to get out, and do something more. But I have fallen in the whole "last minute" thing again. The biggest thing is, I need the money to send in the last few things. I need to get transcripts(which cost money to get,) and send application fees. blah. Money is such a sucky thing to have to deal with, or try to deal with when you have none.

I really need some prayer and guidance to what I need to do, and what my direction is.
I was at work, kinda bummed cause of one thing that always bothers me at work. Bobsie pretty much dislikes me, I'm pretty sure she thinks I am irresponsible and incompetent... ANYWHO...
So I was walking through the hallway to go put a mop head in the laundry room, as John Glass comes up to me. Telling me that in the staff meeting they had today, Dan K was (in John's words) "singing praises" about how great of a director I am on the Tech team. John also said that Christine had some thing to say, and she said about how the kids at church love me, and that I work really well with them.
By John telling me what was said about me in the meeting made me super happy, and it felt good to know that I am actually being appreciated at FRCC. Because lately I have felt like no one does, and that it really isn't the church for me. There are still thing I have a hard time about with FRCC, but today made me feel like I actually can do something right, and that someone actually notices.

I love working with the kids, it is one of my greatest joys in life. I love serving on the tech team, I am a tech geek... I will admit it. Both areas can get rough sometimes, but I love having them be part of who I am and help define who I am.

I have always been hard on myself, and probably always will be. I criticize who I am, and what I do. I have a hard time taking criticism from other, because I get more down on myself. I also have a hard time taking a complement, like when someone says I'm awesome. I love hearing things like that, but yeah. But hearing what was said today, made me feel spectacular. I was able to accept it really well. I had the biggest smile on my face, and just was super "giddy." Which I think is God helping me to change.

(ok this was totally just flowing out of my brain, so if makes no sense, sorry.)

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Bahaha funniest email I have ever recieved








Wednesday, March 24, 2010

This Was Just Funny...

To maintain a healthy level of insanity

1.) Sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars, to see if they slow down.

2.) Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3.)Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.

4.) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addiction, switch back with espresso.

5.)In the memo field of all your checks write "for marijuana"

6.)With a serious face, order a diet water whenever you go out to eat.

7.)Specify that your drive through order is to go.

8.)When the money comes out of the ATM scream "I WON"

9.) When leaving the zoo start running toward the parking lot yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!!!"

10.)Tell your children over the dinner table that "due to the economy we are going to have to let one of you go."

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Saturday, February 13, 2010


So I have been thinking lately about my life, and who I am to people. What do I represent? But more so, that I want to inspire someone. If it were just one person or many, it would mean so much to me. I don't think I ever have though. To be honest, I don't think I have really ever been truly inspired myself. I mean there are things I have done that probable never would have if someone encouraged me to, but in the sense of really being inspired, I don't think I have been. Which kinda bums me out.
But I really have wanted to be an inspiration to someone. How, I don't know. Whether it is an inspiration for Christ, or an inspiration to do something.
I want my life to be meant for something, I want to have been used for good, in some way. I want to live a life that I can look back some day and say, "it has been a good life, I am glad that I lived it that way." God is constantly changing, shaping me, teaching me, and growing me, to be a person of faith, a person of love, etc. I have really wanted my blog, and life to be centered around him. Sure I have posts that aren't but, I want the essence of it to be uplifting, and just to have people see my love for the Lord. And in that, I hope that it will inspire one person to seek Him out, or have someone want to learn and grow more in their walk. I'm not perfect, no one is. But if I can live a life for Christ, and I have the ability to write it out, show my faith, and love, I want to fill that ability. God is so good, He allows for me to set my heart on things, and want to live out everyday.

(I hope this post made some sense. LOL)

New Found Respect

So tonight my brother Dan and I got to hang out, grab some half off appetizers at Applebees. We have always been at different stages of life. But I have been learning so much more, and been doing some growing up. Well at first, it was kinda awkward to be sitting down one on one with him. But after a little bit we got talking and such. There were things he said, like when he came back from Australia, he choose to be back here, 25 living at home, and working for hourly wage at Starbucks. All because he wanted to be home, and here for Andy, Chris and Me. and other things that may not be that big of a deal, but I found a lew level of respect, and admiration for my big brother. He isn't just my older brother who has to pick on me, and suh, but he is my older brother who truly loves me, and cares about me, and wants the best life for me. I don't think I could have asked for a better big brother :)

I found this picture as I did a Google search for a new desktop picture. As i found it, I thought it was really cool, then I started really looking at it. I viewed it as a symbol of my life. For the tree I see it as growth in my life. For the kid standing looking out, I view it as me standing with so much potential in this world, and it is all right in front of me. I jsut have to take that step out, and work toward goals/dreams, work toward my future, live my life, etc. I am at an age where I have the world right at my finger tips, and I can grasp it, or I can let it pass on by.

Thursday, January 14, 2010


I have been feeling God is leading me toward some sort of leadership. If you know me that has never ever been something I do, have wanted to do. I am the outgoing when I know you, but shy when getting to know you, never stand in front of a group, be center of attention, kind of girl. But I just start thinking of things I would love to do to further His kingdom. I just never know where to start, how to do it, etc. One thing I would LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE to do is start a prayer group. I want to lead a group of people, in time of prayer for others, each other, themselves, etc. I truly believe in the power of prayer. But like I said I never know where to start, how to get something like that going. How would I get others interested in joining me in something like that.

I know if God has a will for me to be in some sort of leadership position, it will happen, he will teach me how to lead(or more so the Holy Spirit will use me to lead,) give me the courage to lead, and help me through all the other things that freak me out. I just need to pray, and keep learning, and desiring to have Gods will be my life.