About Me

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Life has it's highs and lows. Embrace it. Live It. Push through. Find the Joy, the Laughter, the Smiles. The little things are the things that bring the most joy. New Life Rises From The Ashes. ~ <3 ~

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

People Pleaser

I am a huge people pleaser. I try everything in my power to make people happy. I hate when someone is mad at me. But so many times I screw up, I feel I don't do anything right. I hate being a disappointment. I do everything in my power to make things right, set things aside so I can make someone else happy, I have a hard time saying no to something that I know I really can't do, but I will make it work, and do it. Why???
I can't please everyone, its not possible. I'm only one person. I'm a weak and broken person at that. I live off of God's strength and awesomeness. Am I really doing as God wants when I try and please people? Probably not, cause I am concerned about people being happy with me, when all I need is to please God, make HIM happy, and proud of me. But why can't I be content and happy with that.

I got a facebook message frome a friend with a link to this page: Quit Trying to Please Everybody - Tools @ PurposeDriven.com

It really made me start to think, and try and work on not worrying about what people think of me.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Silly Parenting Question....

Ok to all you parents who read my blog... question for you.

As you watch your kids grow up, more and more independent, and such. Do you remember when they took there very first shower? Is it a big moment in your kids lives? Or is it just another thing that really doesn't matter?
Because I was thinking the other day, I remember the first time I ever took a shower. I felt so cool... lol ... I felt like a big kid. I didn't need mom and dads help. I wanted to be a big kid, and do it myself.
Maybe its just me that thinks its a big step in life. Maybe not. But I think of it as another step into growing up, being more independent, more responsible. No need for help. You spend so many years bathing your children, making sure they are clean, and smelling good :) but then there comes a day when no, they want to be a big kid, and take a SHOWER all by them-selves.

SO... is it a big deal, or no?

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Hello December

Hello December,
Wow its already December. Where has this year gone???
SO far this year, I have completed high school, graduated, went to Poland, made new friends, last min decided I was going to go to school, and now I am almost done with my first semester of college. WHAT???????
It really is true that as you get older, time goes faster.
I am super excited to see what is in store for my in this next year. If I can accomplish more then expected this year, what could possibly come next??? God is so funny and awesome.
Trusting Him in every decision, is the best thing I can ever do. There is just a whole new sense of peace in my life :)

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

MN State University Mankato

So I have been looking at colleges to transfer to at some point. I really have been trusting God on this one. I actually was really excited about Indiana University in Bloomington. Ans I still think it would be fabulous to go to. But out of state, non-resident students, tuition including room and board, and such would be over 30 grand a year. As I told people about IU, a lot of people have asked me about going to MN for school. Since its out of state, but I would get in state tuition. So I was kinda debating about if it was I should do. And I wasn't sure if I would get my major there. Well FInally I looked up if MN State University Mankato had it, and YUP they have it :) I was rather excited. I feel right about that too. Dan went there, and I always have thought it was a pretty sweet school. So I just have to keep praying about it, and be sure its what God has planned, and not me just wanting to make it work. But like I said, I feel right about it, and I think it would be awesome.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Is it Wrong?

Is it wrong to feel so close to something, but not feel connected???
Meaning... Church. I am so involved there, I'm there almost everyday. Maybe that is my problem. I am doing things I like/love to do but I don't feel satisfied, or content with it all. The thing I feel God really pushing me to be involved with and be part of leadership, I can't, Not 100% sure why I can't, but yeah. I love Fox River, don't get me wrong. It's been a place where life change has happened for me. I just feel like its another thing to do there. If its not one area I'm working in, its another, I feel obligated to do things when I don't have to.
Then there is a whole respect issue. I by no means think I am awesome, and deserve all sorts of respect, and that people should treat me like I'm #1. But I work hard, I would really like a little more respect and trust from people. I feel I get treated like an idiot monkey.
I just hope/pray God will show His plan for me through all this!!!

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Proverbs 16:3
Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Who Knew

Who knew painting and cleaning a kitchen could be so much stinkin' fun??? Honestly!!!!
This weekend, Sam and I went over to help Amy paint her kitchen. We had the best time ever, I couldn't even start to tell you all the random things that happened!!! Sam falling to the floor laughing, Me almost falling off the counter and the ladder because of laughing so hard.
I think it's so awesome when God gives me weekends that are awesome like this one has been. Cause no matter what happens in life, I have those friends, the memories, and that time shared together.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009


I have really been learning to surrender everything to God. I have seen/felt it in relationships, and just everything with school. Right now my biggest thing is surrendering every decision and trusting what he has in store for me. I kind of now have my heart set on a school, and I really feel good about it, and I feel/really hope that it is TRULY what God has planned for me. Indiana University has my attention for where I want to go. I trust God, and I feel it is where he is leading me. The only thing is cost, it is an expensive school. But I trust God, if it is where he wants me to go, he will provide.

I just want you guys to please prey for all the things that need to be done as far as all this goes, and that I can truly do what GOd has for me.

Monday, November 2, 2009


Well today I have made the decision to fast from my cell phone. I will be starting on Tuesday (tomorrow) and go till Saturday. I really feel like God has been pushing me to take a break from it. I am to dependent on it, and I need to have all dependent self On HIM! I am excited, cause I am listening to God, and He has taken that tug away because I have listened, and am following what he is telling me to do. Its a cool feeling :)

I just hope people will help me stay accountable.
I am so excited to have Sam joining my on this challenge, as she has felt the same tugging feeling, and call from God.

Friday, September 25, 2009

One of my new Favorite Songs

"Swim" By Jack's Mannequin

You've gotta swim
Swim for your life
Swim for the music
That saves you
When you're not so sure you'll survive
You gotta swim
And swim when it hurts
The whole world is watching
You haven't come this far
To fall off the earth
The currents will pull you
Away from your love
Just keep your head above

I found a tidal wave
Begging to tear down the dawn
Memories like bullets
They fired at me from a gun
A crack in the armor
I swim to brighter days
Despite the absence of sun
Choking on salt water
I'm not giving in
I swim

You gotta swim
Through nights that won't end
Swim for your families
Your lovers your sisters
And brothers and friends
Yeah you've gotta swim
Through wars without cause
Swim for the lost politicians
Who don't see their greed as a flaw

The currents will pull us
Away from our love
Just keep your head above

I found a tidal wave
Begging to tear down the dawn
Memories like bullets
They fired at me from a gun
Cracking me open now
I swim for brighter days
Despite the absence of sun
Choking on salt water
I'm not giving in
Well I'm not giving in
I swim

You gotta swim
Swim in the dark
There's no shame in drifting
Feel the tide shifting and wait for the spark
Yeah you've gotta swim
Don't let yourself sink
Just find the horizon
I promise you it's not as far as you think
The currents will drag us away from our love
Just keep your head above
Just keep your head above
Just keep your head above
Swim, swim
Just keep your head above

Saturday, September 12, 2009

I Miss My Brother

So this last week I have really started to miss Dan. Ha has been gone since February, and I really just now have started to miss him. Granted he has lived in MN for the last couple years, so I am use to him not being around, but not being able to really talk to him is starting to get to me.
I am super super proud of him though!!! He is doing such awesome stuff for God, and it just makes me feel blessed to have a brother like him :)

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

I Want To Do Something Big

I want to do something big for God, I want to do something that makes Him, my parents/family, and everyone around me proud of me.
I want to make a difference in peoples lives. I want to be an impact.
Some days I just feel like I'm nothing special, like I am just another average Joe.
I use to be so good at school, now I just have a hard time, and just struggle. I don't know what happened. I just know that now that I have started college, I want to do my best, I want to succeed!!! I really am excited for my new fresh start/. I hope the excitement will continue to allow me to do the things I want, and accomplish me to be the person I want to be, and the person God has created me to be!!!

She is My Best Friend

I couldn't tell you why we are best friends, because you wouldn't understand. The explanation is full of too many jokes and made up words; it's full of much care and too may tears, too many laughs and too many blonde moments. I don't think I will ever be able to give you a better reason, except she is always there!!!!

Ha stole this from a text I got!!!!!!

Wednesday, September 2, 2009


I'm going to college :) :) :) :)
UW Waukesha for now, but its something!!!
I'm excited. It a whole new chapter in my book of life, and I get to choose how to live it!!!!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Friday, August 21, 2009

I really encourage people to check out the band Green River Ordinance! They opened for Need to Breath tonight. Awesome concert!!!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

There is nothing better then hanging out with friends and all you do is laugh the whole stinkin time! I cant believe we are all going our seperate ways soon :(
I am now able to post blogs just by texting. Im so excited! Lol

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Sleep and Thoughts of My Day

Have you ever had those nights where you just cant sleep. No matter how tired you are? Yeah tonight is one of those nights for me.

Today (well tech yesterday) was Sammie's birthday. She turned two. Man where has time gone, honestly, it feel like yesterday I was holding her as a brand new baby in this world.(I remembered when Dash turned three, I cried, it came to soon. When Ali turns one, who knows how I will react.) I'm not even there mom, but I love them with all that is in me. I would do anything for those kids. I have been in each one of their lives since the day they were born. They bring a smile to my face, and just a joy and happiness in my life. Nothing more makes me happier then when Dash, or Sammie see me and just get excited for me to be there. I know that I mean something to them, and its awesome to see that, and watch them grow and develop.
ANYWAY.... As I was at Sammie's party, I got to do what I do best, and what I love to do. I got to play with kids,(not just any kids either.) I know that I am called to work with kids, be a part of their lives, be a piece of kids lives. I have always loved kids, but more and more these last few years, it has become vividly evident that it is what I am meant for. Everyone says its what I do best, and that I should pursue it. I find the most joy when I am spending time with kids. I just hope that as I have graduated, and looking for whats next in my life, I just hope the paths will be clear as to what I have to do.
I'm trusting God with this, its my future, and I want nothing more then to do what I am made for, and meant for, and want HIM to lead the way to that. I am a servant for HIM and want to serve the way I am meant for.

Friday, August 14, 2009


Well it has happened again, my eczema flaring up and killing me. I hate when it does this. It becomes an indescribable pain. It hurts to move, and everthing. When it happens all I tend to do is sleep, because when I sleep I dont feel the pain.

I am so glad for friends and family who care so much about me, and pray for me. I have some of the best friends, that no matter how crappy I look they still love me and say I look fine. But I know I dont look fine, but you know what, its the fact that they still love me enough to try to make me feel better :)

Industrial piercing!!!!

So today, I went with my friend Sam to get her belly button pierced. I have wanted my industrial bar done for a while now, and planned to get it done a few weeks ago with a friend. But plans fell through and it didnt happen. But as I went with Sam she was so nervous, and was like "you should get your industrial done while we are here, plus then I wouldnt be the only on getting someting done" So I was a little debative if I should or not. But I figured I have wanted it for a while, that I would just do it. I was soooo nervouse to do it, that my whole body was shaking!!! Well I made the mistake a few weeks ago to watch it be done on youtube a few weeks back. But I followed through and did it!!!! I love it, I think its awesome, and I am glad I did it!!!!

Sunday, August 9, 2009


WOW so it has been FOREVER since I have blogged!!!
Where have I been???

O right school work, work, and well trying to have a life.

Well I graduated :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
Poland was fabulous!!! Best time of my life!!!
I have been trying to figure out what I will do in the fall. Possibly UW Waukesha for now, then transfer later??? Well we shall see :)

Ummm I dont have much on my mind right now. Hopefully I will start blogging and yeah :)

Thursday, April 9, 2009

So I have been thinking, and pondering today about my relationship with Jesus, and my skin. When my skin is bad, I feel empty. I know I have always let my skin be a roadblock in my walk with Christ, cause I just want my eczema to be gone. It honestly pisses me off.
Like today, it hurts, and I'm in pain, and I just don't like when it is like this, and I just feel empty and wondering why do I have to put up with this. It frustrates me so much that I just feel like I am "mad" at God. Not that I want to be, because I know that there is a purpose in the long run, and I know it is probably a thing I am faced with to make my relationship grow stronger with Christ. 17 years of asking God to show me his direction and purpose in me having this problem, I just wonder "what in the world God, WHY?"

But as I am writing this, I had to stop, and make a run to Wal-mart. lol And EVERY song I hear on the way there just hit me. The main one being "There Will Be a Day" so here I am in pain, wondering what God has planned with this, and then he shoves this song in my face, which by the way I love this song, and have since I first heard it. But God just told me that this isn't forever.

I have been having a rough week, physically, emotionally, etc. But GOD continuously keeps showing himself through it all. And I PRAISE Him for it. Because I am NOTHING without Him, and if He didn't keep showing himself through this week, I would be even more of a mess.

If this blog made any sense...sweet. If not I'm sorry. It kinda just all came out, and like I said I left to make a run to the store.


Wednesday, April 1, 2009


This is one thing that I know I can struggle with. But it puts a world of perspective when it happens to me. I have always been judged, because of my skin, which sucks, but I've learned to kinda deal. But when a few of your own leaders and friends at youth group, judge you for something that is no big deal, it hurts, and really sucks.
This happened to me this last week. I have small gauges in my ears...yes, I love them. I think they are awesome. Am I going all out and go super huge and nasty, NO!!! thats to much, but there were a few leaders, and friends noticed, and were really rude, and judgmental toward me about it, and it's not like its anything new. I'm not even the only one at youth group who has them. So why is it such a big deal. I would understand if they were outrageous and nastily huge, but they aren't!!!
I just bothered me about how rude and judgmental they were toward me.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Jesus Works in Funny Ways!!!

So as I am in my Bible Daily, I am noticing I am having better days. I am in better moods, I'm not so blah about my days. My personal goal for getting in my Bible everyday was to grow more in my knowledge of Christ, and learn more about the Bible, because I have never really been good about being in the Word daily, until now. But this proves that my goals are simpler then Gods plan/will for my life. I am learning so much. I have been able to apply what I have noticed, and taken away from what I have read to my life. I am also striving for more of what I'm learning! I am wanting more and more for God to change my life like he has in a week since I have started to be in His word daily!!! I love it!!! I have never felt this way outside of youth group/church events!!! Its so exciting to me :)

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Craziness of life

My life has become very very crazy. I feel so twisted and pulled. I do so much that I don't have time to settle down, think, let God work through me. I work so much, because I have the mind set of I need the money cause of Poland. And I don't allow myself to have time to do my homework, which I Really need to get done, and I cant put it off, I will just cause myself more problems if I do that.
Plus today, at church they talked about serving, which I do...practically every week. I'm getting worn out. And I know that is no excuse to stop serving, which its not that I want to STOP, I just need a break. Which the other day I email Dan K, and Angie, who does the tech team schedule, and just asked for a month off. I love serving, I love helping, I just get stressed and worn out, especially since I am one of the people on the team that is willing to say yes to week after week of serving. But yeah. So as Pastor Guy was talking I started to feel guilty about asking for time off. Then at youth group, we talked about taking time for God, stepping back from everything in our lives, and letting God speak to us. Which then made me feel like well what am I suppose to do, take the break that I asked for and seem that I really need, even though the tech team is the last thing causing me to be stressed and busy. Or do I keep serving, because it is what us Christ followers are suppose to be doing.
Then as I was thinking, Jackie asked me on Friday to watch kids for a meeting on Monday night, I said yeah I can do that. But in my head I thought I really shouldn't. I have way to much to do, and no time to do it. BUT to late now. But I just can't say no to things like people asking me to serve or watch kids. It is just a part of who I am. I hate making people be in a bind for finding someone else.
I just need to figure out what I can step back from. But I just don't know!!! Plus I seem to just be adding more and more on to my plate as I try to figure out what to step away from.

On a side note, from my last post, I have been ding a great job of getting into my Bible everyday, and getting in my Jesus time :)

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Better Then Myself

I know I'm not a great person. I know I'm not perfect... no one is. But i have been learning more about myself. More of the fact that I am not living the Christian life I should be. I try, but I fail everyday. My prayer life is not as strong as it should be. I don't get in God's Word everyday, I honestly can't remember when I last did (by myself that is.) At the end of the day, its the last thing on my mind. Life gets my attention before my Creator, and that makes me very sad to admit.
Well since Sunday I have realized that life is starting to really get to me. I am overwhelmed with school, work, church even. I serve so much at church that worship has become a blur to me. I can't properly worship my God. At youth group, I stand there feeling weird, I can't get into the music. I feel like I don't know how to worship anymore. But I know there is no one way to worship. Or even a proper way to worship.
I just need to get better at my Bible reading, and my prayer time with Jesus. I know once that happens things will change for the better. And I want them to. I need them to.

Please keep me in your prayers. I need my life to be God centered, not Beth centered. I can't have control of my life. I will screw it up WAYYYY to much.


Monday, March 9, 2009

I think I have become immune to crying and really feeling God working in me at retreats, or weekend get away things for church. I don't know if it is because I would always end up crying at everything in middle school and beginning of high school. Or what. But I came out of this weekend felling like nothing impacted my life. I mean there were a few things I could relate to from the speaker, but nothing life changing. In fact I came home Sunday feeling really weird. Kinda empty. But its not like I have doubted God or strayed from God. If anything my knowledge, and stuff of HIM is better then ever. I don't know if it was Satan trying to attack me, or if I truly didn't get anything out of the weekend. I had a blast. But there were so many ladies who broke down, because God has impacted them in some way.
I learned new things , that I plan to take in effect in my life, but yeah.

I don't know. Its just something that I noticed.


Monday, January 26, 2009


I PASSED first semester of physics!!!!!!
I wasn't suppose to, but I think due to the fact that I'm a senior, my mom emailed my teacher saying I didn't fail on the fact that I didn't try, and the fact that I kinda had a break down while talking to her, helped for her going and "regrading" my stuff, and allowing me to pass with a D.
Who gets excited about a D??? Well sadly, I do when it comes to physics :)
But hey it makes me feel better about me actually graduating. I also have Garrett to help me out this semester :)
Ahhh I'm so happy I passed :)

Pray that things go well this semester for me!!!

Monday, January 19, 2009

Senior Year

O boy its half over... I feel like its just a dream, I shouldn't be a senior already!!!! I shouldn't have just turned 18!!! What happened to me being that little girl who looked forward to playing dolls with Jenny??? Lol. Now I have so many roads ahead of me. I have to get school apps in, I have to graduate, I (feel) I have to know what the heck I want to do with my life. I need to to get all this stuff planned, straightened out. I feel so lost. Where to begin. Where to begin especially when I NEED to pass physics in order to graduate. What if I don't graduate this year. I will be a wreck. I can't fail, I can't stay back a year my senior year, I need to graduate. Both Dan and Andy Graduated when they were suppose to, I can't be the one who doesn't. I feel so confused, I need help. I can't do this on my own. One semester left of school. Can I REALLY do this??? I'm honestly scared, stressed, etc.

I need your will to be my vision. My plan, my goal. I need the wisdom I need to get this done. I need you to guide me in that wisdom. It only comes from you!!!

Sunday, January 4, 2009


Lately life just seems to be flying by. I don't even know what I want to do with my life. I don't feel like I'm good enough at anything worth pursuing. The things I love to do, just don't seem right anymore. I am at the point where my college apps need to get in if I want to go to school. Which I do. But I just don't want to go without any idea of what I want with my life. Ive never been exceptional at anything. Things I would want to do, are always shot down by at least one person. I'm the kind of girl who, when one person says something bad about something I say or do, I feel terrible about it, and end up thinking I was stupid for even considering or doing that one thing. I just feel like I have nothing. nothing to make goals of, nothing that I should be following as pathways to a respectful, successful life. A life that people would be proud of me for. A life that I'm happy with and proud of myself. A life that is worth something.
I just don't feel like I'm going anywhere with my life, I feel like I have screwed up my future/life already by not knowing what I will do, or where I'm going in my life.