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Life has it's highs and lows. Embrace it. Live It. Push through. Find the Joy, the Laughter, the Smiles. The little things are the things that bring the most joy. New Life Rises From The Ashes. ~ <3 ~

Monday, May 31, 2010

So does anyone else go to work and feel so hurt, and miserable about themselves? Cause if so, I feel for you. I am constantly feeling that no matter what I do is wrong. No matter what I do, I will never earn trust. No matter what, I am to messed up, irresponsible, immature, over emotional, etc. I feel so trapped in those feelings while I go to work. I know that I am not perfect and awesome, and that everything is not all about me. But really, can't I get a little respect, and gratitude? I do my best, and I care about doing my best and a good job. Satan has really been using one specific person to get these lies going in my head. I don't know what to do about it, because I am scared to death of this person, and I can never seem to approach them about anything.


I have been really noticing lately that I have a bunch of friends. They all are unique and have their own way of being my friend, but each one means so much to me. God has truly blessed me with them all. I love my friends.

I learned in communications class that you can only have a deep meaningful relationship with about 4-6 people. Which I have noticed that to be true. As much as I have a bunch of friends, I can say that I have about that average of true, close friendships. And honestly 2 of them I can see alway and forever being in that position. Because they are the top two relationships that I have that mean the most significant to me. Plus the fact that they are friend makes it even better :)

Now on to the topic of what happens when one of those close relationships seems to diminish. Two years of being super close, and one "rough patch", seemed to mess the rest of the way up, and seems to be slowly going away. Things just seem fuzzy, and just confusing. I understand we are both at points in our lives where things are changing, we are growing up to shape who we are for the future. But really...

And what about the whole one person who you have tried so hard to keep up with, be their friend through thick and thin. Through the lies, tear, hurt, and anger. The person who crosses a line that can't be undone. The person you just cannot seem to be able to help, because satan has got them so tight, that nothing in my human power can help. Is it the right thing to just be done with the person? Is it right to not want to put in any more effort? Especially after putting in over 5 years of effort? Is it wrong to just move one. Is it wrong to feel nothing for this person anymore, feel so cold and callous to the person, because you just cannot take it anymore?

*I have no idea what this was really suppose to be portrayed and focused at, but there you have it. LOL

Saturday, May 29, 2010


So I have been thinking about it lately... Church is no longer church/worship for me. It is work. I clean, do childcare and tech, along with other little small side activities that come about. If I'm not cleaning, I'm watching kids. If I'm not watching kids, I am running camera or directing. I am constantly doing something, that is not worship. I have been having a very difficult time being at church. I walk in the building and get a sick feeling. Sometimes the feeling is more then just sick, and a feeling that I hate having. I'm pretty sure that is not what should happen. And I don't know what needs to be done to change that. I have been starting to think that I am still at FRCC because thats where I work, it' where 98% of my friends are. What am I to do???