There is nothing better then hanging out with friends and all you do is laugh the whole stinkin time! I cant believe we are all going our seperate ways soon :(

I am now able to post blogs just by texting. Im so excited! Lol

Sleep and Thoughts of My Day

Have you ever had those nights where you just cant sleep. No matter how tired you are? Yeah tonight is one of those nights for me.

Today (well tech yesterday) was Sammie's birthday. She turned two. Man where has time gone, honestly, it feel like yesterday I was holding her as a brand new baby in this world.(I remembered when Dash turned three, I cried, it came to soon. When Ali turns one, who knows how I will react.) I'm not even there mom, but I love them with all that is in me. I would do anything for those kids. I have been in each one of their lives since the day they were born. They bring a smile to my face, and just a joy and happiness in my life. Nothing more makes me happier then when Dash, or Sammie see me and just get excited for me to be there. I know that I mean something to them, and its awesome to see that, and watch them grow and develop.
ANYWAY.... As I was at Sammie's party, I got to do what I do best, and what I love to do. I got to play with kids,(not just any kids either.) I know that I am called to work with kids, be a part of their lives, be a piece of kids lives. I have always loved kids, but more and more these last few years, it has become vividly evident that it is what I am meant for. Everyone says its what I do best, and that I should pursue it. I find the most joy when I am spending time with kids. I just hope that as I have graduated, and looking for whats next in my life, I just hope the paths will be clear as to what I have to do.
I'm trusting God with this, its my future, and I want nothing more then to do what I am made for, and meant for, and want HIM to lead the way to that. I am a servant for HIM and want to serve the way I am meant for.

Eczema

Well it has happened again, my eczema flaring up and killing me. I hate when it does this. It becomes an indescribable pain. It hurts to move, and everthing. When it happens all I tend to do is sleep, because when I sleep I dont feel the pain.

I am so glad for friends and family who care so much about me, and pray for me. I have some of the best friends, that no matter how crappy I look they still love me and say I look fine. But I know I dont look fine, but you know what, its the fact that they still love me enough to try to make me feel better :)

Industrial piercing!!!!

So today, I went with my friend Sam to get her belly button pierced. I have wanted my industrial bar done for a while now, and planned to get it done a few weeks ago with a friend. But plans fell through and it didnt happen. But as I went with Sam she was so nervous, and was like "you should get your industrial done while we are here, plus then I wouldnt be the only on getting someting done" So I was a little debative if I should or not. But I figured I have wanted it for a while, that I would just do it. I was soooo nervouse to do it, that my whole body was shaking!!! Well I made the mistake a few weeks ago to watch it be done on youtube a few weeks back. But I followed through and did it!!!! I love it, I think its awesome, and I am glad I did it!!!!

WOW

WOW so it has been FOREVER since I have blogged!!!
Where have I been???

O right school work, work, and well trying to have a life.

Well I graduated :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
Poland was fabulous!!! Best time of my life!!!
I have been trying to figure out what I will do in the fall. Possibly UW Waukesha for now, then transfer later??? Well we shall see :)

Ummm I dont have much on my mind right now. Hopefully I will start blogging and yeah :)

So I have been thinking, and pondering today about my relationship with Jesus, and my skin. When my skin is bad, I feel empty. I know I have always let my skin be a roadblock in my walk with Christ, cause I just want my eczema to be gone. It honestly pisses me off.
Like today, it hurts, and I'm in pain, and I just don't like when it is like this, and I just feel empty and wondering why do I have to put up with this. It frustrates me so much that I just feel like I am "mad" at God. Not that I want to be, because I know that there is a purpose in the long run, and I know it is probably a thing I am faced with to make my relationship grow stronger with Christ. 17 years of asking God to show me his direction and purpose in me having this problem, I just wonder "what in the world God, WHY?"

But as I am writing this, I had to stop, and make a run to Wal-mart. lol And EVERY song I hear on the way there just hit me. The main one being "There Will Be a Day" so here I am in pain, wondering what God has planned with this, and then he shoves this song in my face, which by the way I love this song, and have since I first heard it. But God just told me that this isn't forever.

I have been having a rough week, physically, emotionally, etc. But GOD continuously keeps showing himself through it all. And I PRAISE Him for it. Because I am NOTHING without Him, and if He didn't keep showing himself through this week, I would be even more of a mess.

If this blog made any sense...sweet. If not I'm sorry. It kinda just all came out, and like I said I left to make a run to the store.

GOD IS GOOD, I LOVE HIM, and I PRAISE HIM.

Judgment

This is one thing that I know I can struggle with. But it puts a world of perspective when it happens to me. I have always been judged, because of my skin, which sucks, but I've learned to kinda deal. But when a few of your own leaders and friends at youth group, judge you for something that is no big deal, it hurts, and really sucks.
This happened to me this last week. I have small gauges in my ears...yes, I love them. I think they are awesome. Am I going all out and go super huge and nasty, NO!!! thats to much, but there were a few leaders, and friends noticed, and were really rude, and judgmental toward me about it, and it's not like its anything new. I'm not even the only one at youth group who has them. So why is it such a big deal. I would understand if they were outrageous and nastily huge, but they aren't!!!
I just bothered me about how rude and judgmental they were toward me.

Jesus Works in Funny Ways!!!

So as I am in my Bible Daily, I am noticing I am having better days. I am in better moods, I'm not so blah about my days. My personal goal for getting in my Bible everyday was to grow more in my knowledge of Christ, and learn more about the Bible, because I have never really been good about being in the Word daily, until now. But this proves that my goals are simpler then Gods plan/will for my life. I am learning so much. I have been able to apply what I have noticed, and taken away from what I have read to my life. I am also striving for more of what I'm learning! I am wanting more and more for God to change my life like he has in a week since I have started to be in His word daily!!! I love it!!! I have never felt this way outside of youth group/church events!!! Its so exciting to me :)

Craziness of life

My life has become very very crazy. I feel so twisted and pulled. I do so much that I don't have time to settle down, think, let God work through me. I work so much, because I have the mind set of I need the money cause of Poland. And I don't allow myself to have time to do my homework, which I Really need to get done, and I cant put it off, I will just cause myself more problems if I do that.
Plus today, at church they talked about serving, which I do...practically every week. I'm getting worn out. And I know that is no excuse to stop serving, which its not that I want to STOP, I just need a break. Which the other day I email Dan K, and Angie, who does the tech team schedule, and just asked for a month off. I love serving, I love helping, I just get stressed and worn out, especially since I am one of the people on the team that is willing to say yes to week after week of serving. But yeah. So as Pastor Guy was talking I started to feel guilty about asking for time off. Then at youth group, we talked about taking time for God, stepping back from everything in our lives, and letting God speak to us. Which then made me feel like well what am I suppose to do, take the break that I asked for and seem that I really need, even though the tech team is the last thing causing me to be stressed and busy. Or do I keep serving, because it is what us Christ followers are suppose to be doing.
Then as I was thinking, Jackie asked me on Friday to watch kids for a meeting on Monday night, I said yeah I can do that. But in my head I thought I really shouldn't. I have way to much to do, and no time to do it. BUT to late now. But I just can't say no to things like people asking me to serve or watch kids. It is just a part of who I am. I hate making people be in a bind for finding someone else.
I just need to figure out what I can step back from. But I just don't know!!! Plus I seem to just be adding more and more on to my plate as I try to figure out what to step away from.


On a side note, from my last post, I have been ding a great job of getting into my Bible everyday, and getting in my Jesus time :)