Better Then Myself

I know I'm not a great person. I know I'm not perfect... no one is. But i have been learning more about myself. More of the fact that I am not living the Christian life I should be. I try, but I fail everyday. My prayer life is not as strong as it should be. I don't get in God's Word everyday, I honestly can't remember when I last did (by myself that is.) At the end of the day, its the last thing on my mind. Life gets my attention before my Creator, and that makes me very sad to admit.
Well since Sunday I have realized that life is starting to really get to me. I am overwhelmed with school, work, church even. I serve so much at church that worship has become a blur to me. I can't properly worship my God. At youth group, I stand there feeling weird, I can't get into the music. I feel like I don't know how to worship anymore. But I know there is no one way to worship. Or even a proper way to worship.
I just need to get better at my Bible reading, and my prayer time with Jesus. I know once that happens things will change for the better. And I want them to. I need them to.

Please keep me in your prayers. I need my life to be God centered, not Beth centered. I can't have control of my life. I will screw it up WAYYYY to much.

<><
Beth

I think I have become immune to crying and really feeling God working in me at retreats, or weekend get away things for church. I don't know if it is because I would always end up crying at everything in middle school and beginning of high school. Or what. But I came out of this weekend felling like nothing impacted my life. I mean there were a few things I could relate to from the speaker, but nothing life changing. In fact I came home Sunday feeling really weird. Kinda empty. But its not like I have doubted God or strayed from God. If anything my knowledge, and stuff of HIM is better then ever. I don't know if it was Satan trying to attack me, or if I truly didn't get anything out of the weekend. I had a blast. But there were so many ladies who broke down, because God has impacted them in some way.
I learned new things , that I plan to take in effect in my life, but yeah.

I don't know. Its just something that I noticed.

<><
Beth

I PASSED!!!!

I PASSED first semester of physics!!!!!!
I wasn't suppose to, but I think due to the fact that I'm a senior, my mom emailed my teacher saying I didn't fail on the fact that I didn't try, and the fact that I kinda had a break down while talking to her, helped for her going and "regrading" my stuff, and allowing me to pass with a D.
Who gets excited about a D??? Well sadly, I do when it comes to physics :)
But hey it makes me feel better about me actually graduating. I also have Garrett to help me out this semester :)
Ahhh I'm so happy I passed :)

Pray that things go well this semester for me!!!

Senior Year

O boy its half over... I feel like its just a dream, I shouldn't be a senior already!!!! I shouldn't have just turned 18!!! What happened to me being that little girl who looked forward to playing dolls with Jenny??? Lol. Now I have so many roads ahead of me. I have to get school apps in, I have to graduate, I (feel) I have to know what the heck I want to do with my life. I need to to get all this stuff planned, straightened out. I feel so lost. Where to begin. Where to begin especially when I NEED to pass physics in order to graduate. What if I don't graduate this year. I will be a wreck. I can't fail, I can't stay back a year my senior year, I need to graduate. Both Dan and Andy Graduated when they were suppose to, I can't be the one who doesn't. I feel so confused, I need help. I can't do this on my own. One semester left of school. Can I REALLY do this??? I'm honestly scared, stressed, etc.

LORD HELP ME!!!
I need your will to be my vision. My plan, my goal. I need the wisdom I need to get this done. I need you to guide me in that wisdom. It only comes from you!!!

Life

Lately life just seems to be flying by. I don't even know what I want to do with my life. I don't feel like I'm good enough at anything worth pursuing. The things I love to do, just don't seem right anymore. I am at the point where my college apps need to get in if I want to go to school. Which I do. But I just don't want to go without any idea of what I want with my life. Ive never been exceptional at anything. Things I would want to do, are always shot down by at least one person. I'm the kind of girl who, when one person says something bad about something I say or do, I feel terrible about it, and end up thinking I was stupid for even considering or doing that one thing. I just feel like I have nothing. nothing to make goals of, nothing that I should be following as pathways to a respectful, successful life. A life that people would be proud of me for. A life that I'm happy with and proud of myself. A life that is worth something.
I just don't feel like I'm going anywhere with my life, I feel like I have screwed up my future/life already by not knowing what I will do, or where I'm going in my life.

Phone mix up

AHAHAHA
So today I was talking to Donnie on the phone, and he was calling about concessions for the 33 Mile concert. I thought he said confession!!!
I felt soooo stupid, it was funny!!!
I was like confession??? WHAT??? why in the world would we do confession for a concert at our church. Then it clicked that he said concession. I was like OOOO CONCESSION, not confession!!!!
AHAHA it was funny.

Thanksgiving

You know it is very hard to be thankful for something when you are in soooo much pain.
Don't get me wrong, I am very thankful for things, like my parents and my brothers, and friends, mostly every blessing that has ever happened and will happen. But my skin has really been bothering me lately, especially today. Thanksgiving is a day to celebrate with others about what you are thankful for. But it was just hard for me, spent a good amount of time sleeping in the morning, because I didn't want to get up and deal with my skin. And when I did get up I took a bleach bath (Dr. told me to take them to help clean out my pours) then I showered to get the bleach water stuff of of me. In hopes that I would feel much better afterward. Well, most of my body felt better, but my face HURT like no other. It was really red, tight, and felt like it was on fire. NO FUN!!! So once we sat down to eat, I was still miserable. I have been miserable all day. I don't like spending my days like this... Especially holidays!!!!

So if you could just say a prayer for me, that my skin can get better!!!

Thanks
<><
Beth

By Your Side (Tenth Avenue North Song)

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

(Chorus 2x)

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

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So I have fallen in LOVE with this song.
It really shows me God's Love for me.
He will love me, and be there for me through anything and everything.
No matter how much I mess up, he will be there for me.
He never will leave me, and never stop caring and loving me.
No matter how rich or poor I am, He doesn't care.
All we need is HIM.

This life on earth are numbered. He Died for us to have innumerable days with HIM.

Christ loves me, and you.
This song really hits me hard to know that I can't screw up big enough for Jesus not to love me!!! He will always be with me, and always be there for me.



<><
Beth

Why Don't Some People Not Want To Vote???

It really irritates me that I know so many people who didn't want to vote.
I don't get why. Its a important thing to do. People fought for our right to vote. As American citizens it is our duty to step up and use our voices, make choices for ourselves. This country is set up on the people. We wouldn't be where we are today with out the peoples views, the peoples say. So why in the world would you NOT want to be part of that. Everyones Vote counts, everyone has a say in what happens.

As Christians we are even more obligated to vote. It is a moral reason, just because God as the final say in it all, and he knows what is going to happen. But its the biggest mistake Christians have made. Gos has allowed us to have the freedom to vote, so why wouldn't we want to.

My Future

My future is closer then I think it is!!! I'm a Senior, I know what I want to do with my future, but I'm afraid I wont succeed at it. Photography is my passion, and have dreamed about it as far as I can remember!!! But then I think about it and get scared that I'm not good enough for it. so there is that fear of where I'm going to go, how well am i going to do, etc. and then there's the whole boy situation...yes I know I should worry about this right now, but I want to be married someday, I want to have kids. I want to be a good wife, a good mom. I want to feel like I'm wanted, important, while doing what I love. I want to be happy, I want to succeed, I want to have the life I have always dreamed about. Being a photographer, a wife, a mom, a good sister, a good daughter, a good follower of Christ, a faithful, trusting person, a good friend. Right now is a very critical time... I need to figure out what I'm going to do for school. I want to find or meet the possible Mr right in the next few years... I don't mean right now or this year or even next...but not ten years from now. I know its all in Gods hands, but I just wish I knew, I want to feel comfortable with moving on in my life, and comfortable with what I'm going to do after I graduate. I want to live a life of purpose, and of excellence. I need Gods wisdom of what to do.